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Self-esteem is underestimated and overestimated. Pros and cons of high self-esteem

"The crown presses on his head", "It is dangerous to underestimate a person who overestimates himself", "What more people loves himself, the more he depends on the opinions of others "," The one who thinks too much about himself, thinks too little "...

All these phrases reflect the essence of the same personality trait. Feelings of greatness, high self-esteem, overconfidence, or arrogance. There are many concepts, but they denote one thing - inadequate perception of oneself against the background of others. Is it normal or pathological? Is it good or bad? And how to deal with such people? In psychology, there are answers to such questions, you just need to understand them.

The essence of the concept

Overestimated self-esteem is a person's overestimation of his capabilities, an orientation exclusively towards the success of any event in which he participates, idealization of his own personality. Failures for him are nothing more than an accident, a consequence of unfavorable circumstances and other people's mistakes. And criticism is just a manifestation of envy on the part of others and unfair nagging.

Such an attitude often becomes the cause of conflict situations in which people with high self-esteem behave emotionally, not with restraint and do not suffer defeat. This leads to difficulties in social adaptation: if they occupy leading positions, they become tyrant bosses and despots, and if not, they remain loners, since those around them do not want to communicate with them.

Such people are called self-confident, arrogant, arrogant. Although they prefer to speak about themselves in a more positive way (and this is understandable from the point of view of their conceit): “who know their own worth”.

On the psychodiagnostic scale, there are three levels of overestimated self-esteem:

Above the average. When a person appreciates and respects himself according to the heights he has reached, but at the same time he is not always ready to admit his own mistakes and weaknesses.
High. When self-importance comes from within and is not always dictated real successes.
Inadequately high. When too high self-esteem is formed, everything negative is denied, including the truth, and the idealized and real image have few intersections.

The most problematic is the third level, as it often leads to personality and behavioral disorders - a diagnosis that requires psychiatric treatment.

Is this good or bad?

High self-esteem cannot be viewed only as a negative personality trait. In certain situations, it can play a positive role. However, her negative impact still more per person.

Why is it good:

Belief in yourself allows you to achieve heights, build a career.
While others think and doubt, these people are actively solving the problem.
A positive attitude towards yourself does not allow you to turn off the intended path because of criticism or someone else's opinion.
The absence of "self-criticism", excessive delving into one's own mistakes allows you to focus on something more important.

Why is that bad:

For the sake of achieving the goal, any means are used, even bypassing the norms established in society.
Difficulties in social adaptation. For them, there is only one correct point of view - their own, they are deaf to the requests and opinions of others. This leads to loneliness. Conflicts lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion.
Painful and aggressive perception of criticism.
Failures of work projects are not uncommon, as they take on tasks that are beyond their power. This leads to the collapse of a career.
Denial of self-improvement, self-development (why, if I am already perfect?).
With frequent failures, neuroses, personality disorders and even suicides are possible.

Much depends on the level of self-esteem. If it is simply above average and is commensurate with the actual success that a person has achieved, it does not disfigure him. But, if we are talking about inappropriate behavior, this can lead to mental disorders and is considered in psychology as a pathology.

Causes

Most often, overestimated self-esteem is formed in childhood, in the process of upbringing. But it also happens that a person comes to her much later, when he achieves certain heights in his career and can no longer lower the bar for himself, even if at some stage he does not correspond to it. Psychologists name different reasons:

Raising one child in a family who becomes the center of the universe, when all his desires are satisfied, the merits are exaggerated, and the shortcomings are hushed up.
Raising the first-born, on whom all hopes and hopes are placed.
Psychological trauma and children's complexes. Inflated self-esteem is a way to get positive emotions that the child did not receive from their parents.
Inferiority complex. When a person sees around him successful and beautiful, and he himself is not, he begins to invent qualities for himself that he does not possess. This serves to protect him from self-destruction.
External attraction that leads to narcissism.
Excellent student's syndrome.
In working conditions, when there is only one girl in the team (guy / person with higher education / specialized specialist, etc.).
Career takeoff, reaching certain heights.
Excessive wealth.
Leadership skills.
Fame and recognition: psychologists diagnose 99% of stars with high self-esteem.

These are the most common reasons, although situations in life are much more multifaceted. For example, a child may not have excellent external data and may not be an excellent student, but if the teachers for some other reason distinguish him from the background of the whole class, he develops an overestimated self-esteem. Or the passion for selfies, when all photos are retouched through Photoshop and gaining thousands of likes, interferes with an adequate perception of their own real image, which is actually far from ideal.

Signs

Fun fact: People with high self-esteem rarely see themselves as overconfident and arrogant. They believe they perceive themselves objectively. But others do not need to see such a person at the first conversation on certain grounds. Characteristic similar type personality is quite voluminous.

People with high self-esteem:

confident in their own rightness;
seek to impose their own opinions;
reserve the last word in any dispute;
do not know how to apologize, do not admit their own mistakes;
constantly compete with everyone: colleagues, friends and even a soul mate;
blame only others for their failures;
do not see their own shortcomings;
they often use the pronoun "I" in conversation, communicate in an orderly tone, constantly interrupt, do not listen to the interlocutor;
they never ask for help and they themselves do not help anyone;
do not accept criticism;
always and everywhere express their own opinion, even if they are not asked about it, teach others, give advice to everyone;
selfish;
do not know how to calculate risks.

A person with high self-esteem is characterized by arrogant behavior, often turning into aggression. Daffodils can be recognized by a large number the time they spend in front of the mirror or with a selfie stick. Careerists, in order to achieve their goal, go over the heads of others, using any means, and do not tolerate rivalry. In personal relationships, the most important thing for them is self-actualization, when the interests of the other half are completely leveled.

Diagnostics

The difficulty in diagnosing high self-esteem lies in the fact that the signs of psychological inadequacy are clearly visible to others, but not to the person himself. It is useless to tell him that he overestimates himself, his capabilities and potential. He will not take it seriously and certainly will not go to any specialized specialist.

V childhood it is easier to recognize the pathology, since in most modern schools there are psychologists who conduct various surveys and identify such children. Unfortunately, more often than not, everything gets stuck at this stage. The diagnosis is made, a conversation is organized with the parents, but the latter either do not want to see the problem (because they themselves are a hidden reason for their child's overestimated self-esteem), or they do not have time for psychotherapy and correcting the situation.

In adulthood, to understand that you have an overestimated self-esteem, either a consultation with a psychologist or special tests will help:

Morris Rosenberg;
Dembo-Rubinstein;
Sonerson;
Ponomarenko;
Gorbatov;
Kazantseva;
adapted version of Eysenck's technique;
Leary and others.

Tests make it possible to independently identify pathology and determine its level. This is sometimes the first step towards correction.

Correction methods

Correction of overestimated self-esteem begins with identifying its causes and describing the main personality traits. It is rare for a person to cope with this on their own, because such people believe that they have no shortcomings. If the level of star fever is slightly above average and adequate, then this is possible. But in other cases, circumstantial and long-term work with a psychologist is necessary.

It is much easier to get rid of high self-esteem in childhood and adolescence. The peculiarity of the work of psychologists with such children is that, first of all, it is not their behavior that is corrected, but the people around them. Parents and teachers receive recommendations:

do not spoil the child;
reduce the amount of praise. They should sound only in the case of real and significant achievements;
do not distinguish him from other children;
point out his mistakes;
teach to be responsible for your own mistakes.

In parallel with working with parents and teachers, the psychologist helps the child in social adaptation so that he is not an outcast, learns to respect the opinions of others and make friends. As a rule, the course of such a complex correction is from 2 to 6 months, depending on the neglect of the situation.

In adulthood, dealing with high self-esteem is much more difficult. To begin with, a person must realize the problem himself and try to identify its cause. If it is rooted in childhood, it is better to immediately contact a specialized specialist, since these cases are difficult to correct. If self-conceit was formed much later, you can try to get rid of your selfishness on your own through auto-training and affirmations.

Example. The reason for high self-esteem is external appeal... Correction methods:

compare yourself with more beautiful people find your flaws ( malocclusion, excess weight, excessive makeup, defiant clothing, etc.);

stop photoshopping your own photos;

get rid of addiction to social networks and self-admiring;

reorient from external beauty to internal.

Correction always depends on the specific case. If a person, possessing both an overestimated self-esteem and willpower, can engage in re-education of himself, then with blind narcissism without an iron character, the path lies exclusively through a psychologist. Conversations, testing, working with loved ones, auto-training aimed at an adequate and objective perception of oneself are the main methods of treating such patients. If there is a personality disorder, this is already the field of psychotherapy.

Special cases

Children

As already mentioned, a child's overestimated self-esteem is associated with improper upbringing in the family or school. Therefore, the correction is aimed primarily at working with parents and teachers. The younger the children are, the easier the course of correction is. Before the onset adolescence they still have high adult authority, so it is easier to instill healthy behavioral and communication skills in them.

However, even here, parents will have to be patient, since they will literally have to break both themselves (your child is not exceptional) and their child. Get ready for tears, riots, tantrums, but with an experienced psychologist, all these corners will be ironed out.

But the correction of the overestimated self-esteem of adolescents is more difficult. Pathology at this age has two directions: excellent student's syndrome and narcissism. It is easier to work with the first ones, since they, despite the inadequate perception of their achievements, still differ in high intellectual abilities and with constant conversations with a psychologist, they begin to see their shortcomings. As practice shows, for some it is enough to show the results of the passed test so that they draw the appropriate conclusions and start working on themselves (under the guidance of a specialized specialist, of course, and with the support of parents and teachers).

It can be much more difficult to cope with narcissism when a teenager has good external characteristics and he considers himself irresistible. Firstly, from the height of their podium, they do not notice and ignore the rest, therefore they practically have no friends. Secondly, their scale of values is incorrectly formed: appearance becomes the main thing in life, and intelligence, character, inner world remain far behind. The consequences can be dire: love failures often lead to suicide, depression, anorexia, drug addiction.

Despite the seriousness of the problem, psychologists have enough means in their arsenal to return a child to normal life... The main thing is to do it in a timely manner.

Men and women

According to statistics, a man with high self-esteem is three times more likely than a woman with the same diagnosis. The reason is the difference between them psychological types... Girls are prone to self-delusion and pay too close attention trifles and details. Even because of a harmless pimple, they begin to consider themselves real ugly, and 2-3 extra pounds turn them into fat and shapeless (in their opinion). Therefore, most often the fairer sex has low self-esteem.

Men, on the other hand, are always focused on completing only one task. If they need to make a career or achieve a beloved woman, even with minimal intellectual and external data, they will go ahead to get what they want. There are many daffodils among them. Some of them were brought up without a father in childhood, so that they have a strong feminine principle - the excessive care of mothers and grandmothers, who lamented: "Oh, how irresistible you are, and beautiful, and the best." This thought remains the main one in the boy's head for the rest of his life.

Men become unbearable in communication in two cases: if they occupy a leading position and if they have a weak-willed wife who cannot fight them back. They become real tyrants. In other cases, they experience their own narcissism within themselves.

Signs of high self-esteem in a woman do not depend on her social status: she will always have a bitchy character, not knowing how to hide her love for herself. Some constantly create conflict situations and behave aggressively. Others may be arrogantly silent, but at the same time, with their whole appearance, they show their superiority over everyone else. However, in women, all these manifestations most often remain at the level of conversations and intrigues. Men, on the other hand, in especially advanced cases, resort to extreme measures if someone does not recognize their ideality: they use physical (raise their hand against their wife) or psychological (press at work or simply fire) violence.

How to communicate with such people

Unfortunately, this problem concerns not only those people who suffer from megalomania. They make the life of their loved ones miserable and sometimes unbearable. Many people wonder how to communicate with a person with high self-esteem, and do not always find answers to him.

Psychologist's advice in this case unequivocal: if this is an adult who has transcendental and inadequate conceit and on whom you depend, then nothing. Just leave, even if you need to quit or divorce. Of course, you can try to sign him up to a specialist, but in 90% of cases this is useless, since he is not able to realize that something abnormal is happening to him.

In some situations, you can develop a special strategy of behavior in dealing with such people and try to coexist with them next to.

For example, if your self-esteem is too high ...

... a subordinate, and you are the boss

Criticize it, put it in its place, point out mistakes more often. But all this must be done within the bounds of decency and correctly.

... at the boss, and you are a subordinate

The boss needs to speak up, and don't try to argue. But there is no need to flatter and support his egocentrism, just listen, understand the requirements and just follow them silently.

... from a colleague

Never get into an argument, speak softly but firmly. The most correct template of the phrase when communicating with him: "You are, no doubt, right, but how do you look at ...".

... with a relative

Do not be offended, defend your beliefs, but avoid conflicts and do not raise your voices.

... with a friend

Remind him of mistakes and mistakes more often, but without humiliation and bullying.

... a guy or a girl

If you love - endure, if not - run away from such a person, until you legalize the relationship by marriage, because all your life you will be in his shadow.

... with a legal spouse

If you do not want to get a divorce, try to make an appointment with a psychologist together, because it is difficult to correct such a pathology on your own.

If your husband suffers from high self-esteem, you will have to praise him all your life and put him in first place, and forget about your own achievements. Willing to put yourself on the altar of his career is your choice. It is much worse when the spouse suffers from narcissism. Here, be prepared for constant betrayal, and not so much physical, but at a distance. Such men love flirting and the attention of others. And yes, you will have to spend a lot of money on his outfits, and you, most likely, will remain a gray mouse in his background.

If the wife suffers from high self-esteem, oddly enough, there are fewer problems. If she is a careerist, she deliberately chooses a henpecked man as her husband, who will sit with the children on maternity leave, cook borsch, take care of the house and will not contradict her in anything. If she is carried away by her own appearance, her spouse will most likely become a wealthy person who will give her money for outfits and show her in society. Otherwise, it is extremely difficult to establish relationships with such women.

High self-esteem is a serious socio-psychological problem, aggravated in modern society... Against the backdrop of an ever-increasing level of well-being, increasing opportunities for rapid career growth and the popularization of social networks, everything large quantity people suffer from the fact that they cannot adequately assess their own potential. It is good if this happens within the reasonable limits and is beneficial. But most often this leads to the collapse of one's own ego, pathological personality disorders, neuroses, depression and even suicide. In order to prevent such a development of events, timely psychological correction by a specialized specialist is required.

In the article you will learn:

How to communicate with someone with high self-esteem

Doctor, I have delusions of grandeur

What delusions of grandeur you can have, pathetic worm

Is it easy for you to communicate with a person who is sure that he is the best? After all, there are people for whom this is a funny feature. And, for example, in work or business contacts, off-scale self-esteem can become a serious problem... Therefore, I propose to discuss in what cases andhow to communicate with a person with high self-esteem... But before that, do not forget to check with the test, what self-esteem YOU have. This can be done.

Egomaniacs

If your interlocutor is "awarded" with a great opinion of himself, know: "thank you" must be said to his parents. Since they either scolded and beat their child for nothing, or they over-praised and in every possible way inspired his exclusivity.

In the first case, it works overcompensation- for the purpose of self-defense, the victim puts on a mask of self-confidence. Second case bloated ego possible when the child is the only one in the family or long-awaited.

Overconfidence

With this in mind, it’s easy to imagine what kind of adults these children will be.

As Faina Ranevskaya would say: it's very hard to be a genius among boogers.

Most harmless manifestation: excessive self-confidence. Always and in everything.

As a result, as practice shows, their natural abilities are realized better than people with identical potential and normal self-esteem. At the same time, women in communication will emphasize their external beauty and talent to those around them, and men will boast of their own successes.

Seemingly fearless by-effect, which you can simply not notice and communicate like everyone else. It turns out that such a profit is good for life? But imagine such people in a professional environment. Their distorted self-perception misleads others too.

The boss, believing the boasting, will entrust a responsible project that the employee cannot afford. The co-worker will be given a double burden of correcting the narcissist's mistakes. Partners seeing the divergence of promises and real result, think about the need for further cooperation.

After us, even a flood

Another serious catch that awaits you in the process of communicating with them: as a result of excessive selfishness, you will be used. Because own interests more important than strangers, even if they harm you. The feelings of others are not taken into account, such people are often calculating and emotionally cold.

But if talkwith them, criticizing and questioning, then in return you will receive all sorts of attempts to humiliate you and others. This is necessary in order to maintain your status and high opinion of yourself. Thus, consider the following when dealing with a person with high self-esteem:

Communication strategies

Let me emphasize that if you assess yourself adequately, then the behavior of a person with high self-esteem will not affect you in any way, and even slightly amuse you. You will try not to step on a sore callus, provoke, get angry, or experience others negative emotions... If you need to negotiate with such an individual or achieve some results from him, then take into account the following strategies:

Supervisor-subordinate... If a subordinate employee is “starred” - he does not pay attention to criticism, does not correct mistakes,only listens to himselfoverestimate their abilities, then this is an easy option. There is all the authority and authority to put him in his "place". But without insults and harshness.

It is necessary to criticize the behavior of a negligent employee with arguments, using practical examples, or place him in the environment of real professionals. The reception to conduct certification and test assessment will also be successful.

What to be prepared for?

Be prepared for the fact that you will always be wrong, the best deeds, gifts and a lot of attention will be expected from you. They will be demanding for you. To be close to such a person and communicate with him, you must first of all have adequate self-esteem, but not overestimated. Then there will be a return, and not a game with only one goal.

So that is all. Hope I helped you. Or maybe you also have a couple useful recommendations? Write and invite friends.

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An individual inadequately estimates his own potential and overestimates personal capabilities - this is an overestimated self-esteem. However, this situation is far from always negative: excessive egocentrism, lack of respect for the opinions of others, often it also contains positive points: self-confidence and self-confidence

However, often overestimating one's abilities in the development of failure can be the reason for falling into depression, and therefore it is best to control it.

High self-esteem signs

It should be noted a more uniform manifestation of overestimated self-esteem and its signs than is observed with low self-esteem. First of all, we are talking about the development of irrepressible pride, which is an obligatory accompanying element of exaggerated self-importance.

Here are the key signs that characterize an inadequately assessing person:

Confidence in infallible personal righteousness, even in the presence of factors that convince otherwise.
The conviction that any conflict situation must end with his phrase, regardless of the essence of such a phrase.
The complete denial of the possibility of the existence of an opposite opinion and the right of everyone to their point of view.
The confidence that the problems that arise are the cause of the environment and the prevailing circumstances, and not their own shortcomings and shortcomings.
The inability to apologize because of the belief in their own infallibility.
Incessant competition with others, constant striving to be the best, not to make mistakes.
Expressing your opinion even in cases when it is not interesting to anyone and is not important.
Overly frequent use of "I" in debate.
Immunity to criticism in relation to one's own person, an expression of complete indifference to outside opinion.
Getting discouraged by failure, nervousness because of it.
Preference for getting involved in matters related to difficulties, however, without miscalculating the possible risks.
Fear of showing yourself indecisive and helpless.
Putting personal interests at the fore.
A tendency to teach others around, even in small things, with the transition to global issues.
A disposition to dominate conversations, with a constant urge to interrupt.
Condescension in the tone of the conversation, and requests border on the order.

People with high self-esteem

Of course, people with high self-esteem deep within themselves, perhaps even unconsciously, being the highest opinion of themselves, feel themselves. Often their relationship with the surrounding society is ambiguous and complex due to their arrogance and arrogance, and sometimes even aggressiveness.

With manifestations of overestimated self-esteem, the individual is inclined to self-praise, to emphasize his own importance, to disrespect towards others. The goal is self-affirmation at the expense of others, the opinion: "I am the best, and all the others are nothing."

Extreme painful reactions to any more or less significant criticism, its perception with open aggression. The desire for total superiority is necessary for everyone and the desire for the recognition of such superiority.

Inflated self-esteem of the cause

Usually, the reasons for overestimated self-esteem lie in improper upbringing, when one child in a family becomes the focus of attention, when most of the family's interests are concentrated on fulfilling his desires. Indulgence in everything turns out to be the cause of a distorted perception of one's own significance and one's own "I", when a person begins to think that he is the center of the whole world.

If we talk about a girl, then her self-esteem is adjacent to the rejection of society, the domination of "chauvinists in pants", with the struggle for a personal place in society. Also, an exaggerated self-esteem of a girl can be promoted by her extraordinary external data.

When we talk about a man with inadequate self-esteem, then it comes about his indifference to the merits of others, about their perception by the "gray mass", incapable of making their own judgments, with their lack of private opinion. Subjectivism in assessment personal significance dominates and interferes with the correct perception of oneself in society, this phenomenon is usually called narcissism.
If we turn to statistics, then there are much more men with this "ailment" than women.

Inflated and low self-esteem

Self-esteem is a personal idea of an individual about himself, about personal capabilities and about his role in society. In the case of a person's excessive self-confidence, it is said about his exaggerated self-esteem, when he sees himself as not real, but invented. Reality is perceived by him through the prism of his own exaggerated significance.

With an inadequately exaggerated self-esteem, a person does not reckon with anyone, neither with friends, nor with relatives, his own eccentricity becomes his personal cult. However, such an attitude towards the world may well hide a personal lack of confidence in one's own strengths, such an attitude is the essence of a shield from the outside world.

To bring personal self-esteem back to normal, it is highly desirable to adhere to a number of rules

When talking, you should try not only to listen to your opponent, but also to really hear him. You cannot think that the interlocutors express exclusively incorrect judgments, in fact, they can understand much better in certain areas, because one person, in principle, cannot be an expert in everything. Moving away from the principle of avoiding mistakes actually allows you to gain really valuable experience.

To abandon the goal of proving anything to anyone at any cost. Could not achieve the desired, it is worthwhile to understand the situation, and not plunge into depressive state... It is important to realize the true reasons for your failures, without trying to blame exclusively society or external circumstances for them.

It is necessary to put at the forefront the fact that ideal people practically does not exist, and that you are also not absolute perfection, possessing, among other things, shortcomings, on the realization and correction of which you should work, and not hide from them.

When an individual is extremely critical of himself, his low self-esteem manifests itself. This manifests itself in belittling personal achievements and achievements, virtues and positive traits. Low and high self-esteem most often comes from childhood, when parents made mistakes in raising their child. Low self-esteem can also be the reason for the impact on the individual of the strength of the surrounding society, causing a derogatory attitude towards himself.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

With the formed overestimated self-esteem in the child, he does not notice his shortcomings, and, thinking about his exclusivity, faces great difficulties in building future relationships with other children. Excessive conflict and the inability to endure failures, if it is not possible to achieve the goals set, distinguishes children who have a deformed image of themselves.

The constant admiration for the achievements of the baby on the part of the parents or another significant person for him, form in him an overestimation of his own significance, which, when he gets into the environment of his peers, may cause problems with future socialization. At one fine moment, from "very-very" such a child can turn into "one of many", which is often difficult for them to bear. As a result, an overestimated self-esteem is sharply reformatted into an underestimated one, causing a mental shock, and proving to be the basis for the growth of intrapersonal conflict.

Due to the overestimated self-esteem, the child will suffer from the idealization of his own “I”, from an inadequate assessment of his personal potential. He will reject on emotional level everything that will disturb his view of himself. As a result - the curvature of reality and the attitude to it exclusively through the prism of emotions, hence the difficulties in communication.

What to do when a child shows signs of high self-esteem? The immutable importance of the parental attitude to everything that the child does, the support of the parents, their approval is important. However, praise should sound at the right moment, because in individual cases praise is unnecessary, especially when the baby has achieved certain results without spending his own physical and mental efforts on it.

There is no need to extol the child's external goodness, because it is not his merit that he was born beautiful. In a word, hypertrophied exaltation can be the reason for the formation of inadequately exaggerated self-esteem, and therefore generate future problems with the process of socialization and the development of interpersonal relationships.

Inflated self-esteem has become the subject of debate among psychologists, psychiatrists, and even philosophers. Whether a person is able to control this phenomenon, how to cure it and how can loved ones help - these questions have been asked by experts more than once.

History of appearance

Initially, it is worth understanding where the phenomenon originates from, in which a person is inclined to inadequately draw conclusions about himself, his abilities and capabilities. Psychologists say that almost any individual can face the problem of overestimating oneself. Most at risk famous personalities and children too often praised by their parents. There is also a high probability of the appearance of a "narcissist" in a family where the child grew up alone, without brothers and sisters.

It is noteworthy that most often the reason for this behavior is low self-esteem, with which they unsuccessfully tried to fight. If a person experiences low level sympathy for himself, cannot find in himself positive traits, sooner or later, a choice is put before his subconscious: to give up and stop all attempts, or to put on a mask for the environment. Over time, he begins to believe that he really is the chosen, unique person. The only problem is that all this is nothing more than an illusion. Instead of working hard and developing in the direction of the goal, the "narcissist" withdraws into himself, and for his own consolation tries to convince others of his impeccability.

It is also important that a person with high self-esteem can never feel like a completely happy person. Gradually, all attempts to seem better, coupled with failure, lead to depression, which, in turn, can result in a suicide attempt.

How do you know if you are assessing yourself adequately?

Usually the person himself is not able to analyze whether his self-esteem is overestimated, since for this it is necessary to be able to adequately assess himself, excluding emotions. Other people are not able to draw rational conclusions, because they still judge others with a fair amount of subjectivity. But there are some signs that will help you understand if your level of self-perception is in order.

According to research in the field of psychology, most often people who have high self-esteem exhibit the following specific character traits and behavior:

A person madly loves to argue on any occasion, while not giving opponents the opportunity to challenge his point of view;
Always leaves the last word for himself, not caring whether it is appropriate;
Opposite opinions are considered absurd and ridiculous, the "narcissist" does not even admit the idea that everyone has the right to think in their own way;
Based on the previous point, a person with an overestimated self-esteem inadequately assesses reality in principle, cannot understand what exists significant amount subjective things;
Selfish person to the point of insanity most of time speaks, thinks and cares exclusively about himself (to understand if this goes beyond reasonable limits, perhaps by observing his relations with close people - family and friends);
Demonstrates a tendency to compete, cannot calmly rejoice for others and congratulate them, constantly strives to be better than everyone else in everything, while making a minimum of effort;
He blames everyone for his troubles and failures except himself: family, loved one, friends, state, weather and many other factors;
Due to the confidence in his own righteousness and non-involvement in the events taking place in life, an individual may for some time "hit" religion, esotericism and others unconventional methods distract from reality;
He expresses his opinion in any convenient and inconvenient situation, completely not caring that he was not asked, and no one plans to listen to it;
Experiencing difficulties in communicating with people, because he absolutely does not know how to apologize, admit his mistakes and correct them;
He loves moralizing, sticks to people with his recommendations, even in the most simple things such as maintaining household, personal care and others;
Not fewer people likes to criticize others and impose his vision of the world on them: such an individual can offend people because of their tastes, interests, or even appearance that do not meet its requirements;
Few people enjoy communicating with him, since the person constantly interrupts, does not listen to the interlocutor and always waits for a pause in the conversation so that again insert a remark about yourself;
It happens that people with high self-esteem stick with their conversations to strangers, untimely inserting their "and I ...", "and I have ..." and other similar remarks;
Insanely afraid that others will discover his fear, self-doubt and other, in the eyes of the "narcissist", signs of weakness;
You cannot call him reliable in relation to loved ones, since a person puts his interests first;
Can let down colleagues or partners without notifying about changes in their plans or not showing up for a business meeting;
He does not look for easy ways, takes only the most difficult tasks, while not calculating the risks, because of this he often fails.

It is very important to periodically test yourself, analyze thoughts and actions, as well as their reasons. A person who has an overestimated self-esteem not only demonstrates a critical level of egoism, but also considers it quite rational, does not see the point in doing anything differently. He easily finds excuses for any of his actions, deceives loved ones without remorse. Gradually, communication with the "narcissist" becomes impossible, since he constantly talks exclusively about himself, his achievements and plans. Stories can be repeated several times, because a person who overestimated himself too often told them to a wide variety of people.

Anyone can independently diagnose such a phenomenon as overestimated self-esteem. If you most often talk only about yourself, are guided by momentary whims, ignoring the needs of even the closest people - it is worth doing something about it.

If you are convinced that you are inadequately assessing your own strengths and abilities, the next step is to find a way to recovery.

To begin with, remember that nothing is impossible: you will definitely succeed if you put enough effort into it.

At the initial stage, it will be useful to create a diary in which you can clearly structure the latest events. Write down there a list of necessary things to do on the way to achieving the goal, and in the evening check if you have completed everything. You should not scold yourself for an incomplete list, but it is also undesirable to relax. Calculate completed cases in percentage, and at the end of the week (or month) compare the results. It is important to observe progress, however small.

Pay attention to other people. Chat with men and women different ages and social status... Take an interest in their life, ask questions - you shouldn't talk about yourself more than half of the time spent in conversation. Surround yourself with a wide variety of personalities, each with a story to tell you. Do not try to pull up the whole world to your standards, learn to see beauty in every moment.

A long stay in nature helps many to achieve harmony in themselves, especially near water bodies. Take a break from everything, engage in introspection, read several books of different thematic focus, watch the sunset every evening. Gradually, this leads to the realization of how many things in the world are of secondary importance. Just think how many fun things you can miss without seeing beyond your own nose.

Sometimes it is worth completely abandoning any grading system. You are important, no matter what, and for this you do not need to go out of your way and prove something every day. Do what you think is necessary and important. Engage in creativity and charity, discuss with smart people... Sometimes there are no winners in a dispute, and opponents enjoy the very process of exchanging opinions, because it is in such situations that truth is born.

Remember that high self-esteem is not a fatal diagnosis. While a person is alive, he can change everything around him, but he should start with himself.

In psychology, such a concept as self-esteem is actively used. It affects human behavior, decision-making in different situations, attitude towards the world and oneself. There are several types of self-esteem, among which the overestimated is the most acceptable. It is better to show signs of high self-esteem than low self-esteem. What are the reasons for its appearance?

What is self-esteem? This is a person's assessment of himself. The most surprising thing is that some types of self-esteem are based on the assessment of the individual himself, while others are based on the assessment that others give. Thus, self-esteem is how a person sees himself. What this opinion is based on already affects what kind of self-esteem a person develops.

There are the following types of self-esteem:

"I +, you +" - stable self-esteem, which is based on positive attitude to others and to yourself.
“I-, you +” - in which a person displays such a quality as self-flagellation. The person feels worse, lower and more unhappy than others.
"I +, you-" - overestimated self-esteem, based on the search for flaws, hatred of others and confirmation of the position that the people around are bad. Usually such a person blames everyone except himself, and considers those around him "goats", "idiots" and other names.

A person is not born with self-esteem. It develops over the course of life. Often it becomes the same as it was with the parents, which is explained by those qualities of character and the attitude that a person adopts from his mother and father.

It is believed that it is better to have overestimated than underestimated self-esteem. Such self-esteem really has its advantages, which should be discussed on the site. psychological assistance site.

What is high self-esteem?

What is high self-esteem? It means an overestimation of one's own potential by an individual. In other words, a person thinks of himself better than he really is. That is why they say that people with high self-esteem are often out of touch with reality. They assess themselves biasedly, most often they notice shortcomings in those around them, rather than advantages. To some extent, this can be associated with the individual's unwillingness to see the good in others, against the background of which they will notice their own shortcomings.

Overestimated self-esteem means to see only advantages in oneself, ignoring disadvantages. At the same time, other people seem weak, stupid, underdeveloped. That is, a person sees only other people's shortcomings, not paying attention to the existing advantages.

However, not everything is so simple with overestimated self-esteem. Its appeal lies in the fact that a person with this self-esteem has absolute self-confidence. He does not doubt himself, does not humiliate, does not suppress. He is confident in his own strength - this positive side overestimated self-esteem.

The negative side can be:

Disregard of other people's opinions and interests of others.
Overestimation of one's own strengths.

It is noted that overestimated self-esteem, as well as underestimated, can plunge a person into a depressive state. This happens when multiple failures occur. And the depressive state can be described as "I-, you-", that is, a person sees the bad in himself and in those around him.

Signs of high self-esteem

High self-esteem can be easily identified by its characteristic features. The most remarkable thing that catches your eye is that a person rises above those around him. This can happen both by his will and because people themselves erect him on a pedestal. Inflated self-esteem is an attitude towards oneself as to God, a king, a leader, and the vision of others as insignificant, unworthy people.

Other signs of high self-esteem are:

Self-righteousness, despite the fact that evidence and arguments can be given to confirm the opposite point.
The conviction in the existence of only the only correct point of view - his personal. A person cannot even agree that there may be a different opinion, especially if it is the opposite. Even if he suddenly accepts someone else's point of view, he will definitely consider it wrong.
Abandonment last word behind yourself. A person is sure that it is he who must draw conclusions and determine what to do next and how things stand.
Inability to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Conviction that other people are guilty and environment in their own troubles. If something doesn't work out, other people are to blame. If an individual achieves success, then it is all thanks to him.
Constant rivalry with others for the right to be called the best.
Striving to be perfect and not make mistakes.
Expressing your opinion even when not asked. The person is sure that other people always want to hear his opinion.
Frequent use of the pronoun "I".
The onset of irritability and feeling "unsettled" with the onset of failures and misses.
Disdainful attitude towards other people's criticism. A person believes that criticism is disrespectful towards him, therefore he does not pay attention to it.
Inability to calculate risks. A person is always ready to take on difficult and risky business.
Fear of appearing weak, insecure, defenseless in front of others.
Excessive selfishness.
Personal interests and hobbies that always come first.
A tendency to interrupt because he prefers to talk more than listen.
An inclination to teach others, even when it comes to a little thing. This happens even when he is not asked to teach anything.
The tone is arrogant, and the requests are commanding.
Striving to be the best and the best in everything, the first. Otherwise, he becomes depressed.

People with high self-esteem

It is easy enough to identify people with high self-esteem by their arrogant and arrogant behavior. Deep down, they can feel loneliness and melancholy, dissatisfaction with themselves. However, on the outside, they always try to be on top. More often they are not the best, but they always perceive themselves as such and strive to seem to be. At the same time, they can treat others arrogantly, defiantly, arrogantly.

If you communicate with a person with high self-esteem, then you can trace one line - he is good, and other people are bad. And this happens all the time. A person with an overestimation of himself sees in himself only dignity. And when it comes to others, here he is ready to talk only about their shortcomings and weaknesses... If the conversation starts to go in the direction that others are good, and he turns out to be bad in something, then he falls into or aggression.

Thus, criticism against them always provokes negative emotions. They begin to have a negative attitude towards those who criticize them.

The only thing they expect from others is confirmation of the position that they are superior in everything. This happens through praise, approval, admiration and other manifestations addressed to people with high self-esteem.

Reasons for high self-esteem

Self-esteem begins to form from childhood, so the reasons for its overestimation can be found in improper upbringing. High self-esteem is the result of the behavior of parents who constantly admire, touch and indulge their child in everything. Whatever he does, everything is right. Whatever it is, everything is good in it. As a result, the child develops an opinion about his own “I” as absolutely ideal and perfect.

A girl's overestimated self-esteem is often hypertrophied when she is forced to take her place in man's world... Often it is based on external data: beauties always overestimate themselves, rather than beauties.

In men, overestimated self-esteem is formed on the belief that they are the center of the universe. If this is confirmed by the behavior of other people, especially women, then self-esteem grows. Such men are often narcissists.

There are much more people with high self-esteem among men than among women, which psychologists associate with the norms of upbringing of both sexes.

Inflated and low self-esteem

The opposite of high self-esteem is low self-esteem. Self-esteem - an internal assessment of a person himself, his potential, life position and social status. This affects how he will live, relate to himself and others.

Overestimated self-esteem is characterized by an incorrect assessment of oneself in the direction of elevation. A person does not see himself as real, but assesses a contrived image. He considers himself better than others in everything. He idealizes his potential and external data. It seems to a person that his life should be better than others. That is why he is ready to go over the heads of even friends and family.
Low self-esteem is also a consequence of improper upbringing, however, when parents constantly asserted that the child is bad and other children are better than him. It is characterized by a negative assessment of oneself and one's potential. Often it is based on the opinions of others or on self-hypnosis.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem are extremes when a person does not see the real state of affairs.

That is why it is proposed to remove imbalances in your character. For example, overestimated self-esteem is suggested to be removed by the following methods:

Listen to someone else's opinion and consider it correct too.
Listen to others in silence.
Seeing your own shortcomings, which are often hidden behind the screen of overestimated self-esteem.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

The formation of overestimated self-esteem in a child begins from childhood, when the baby obeys parenting... It is formed on the behavior of parents who admire any little things that the baby shows - his mind, quick wits, the first step, etc. Parents seem to ignore his shortcomings, never punish, but always encourage him in everything.

The inability of the child to see behind himself the shortcomings leads to a lack of socialization. When he finds himself in a peer group, he cannot understand why he is not admired, as his parents did. Among other children, he is "one of", not "the most". This can cause aggression towards children, who may be better than him in some way.

As a result, the child has many difficulties in establishing contacts with others. He does not want to lower his self-esteem, while being aggressive towards anyone who seems better than him or criticizes him.

In order not to develop overestimated self-esteem in a child, parents should understand when and for what to praise him:

You can praise for the actions that the kid himself has done.
Not praised for beauty, toys, clothes, etc.
Not praised for everything, even the smallest.
Don't be praised for feeling pity or wanting to be liked.

Outcome

All people have self-esteem. In terms of frequency of distribution, overestimated self-esteem is in second place. It seems that it is better to have her than low self-esteem. However, often the result of an inadequate overestimated self-esteem is its abrupt transition to an underestimated one.