Once in a new job, as a rule, professional skills go by the wayside, and the question comes to the fore, how to get into new team and not be a black sheep. The main rule in this is to understand the principles and scheme of building relationships among employees. Then it will be easier and clearer to join a new team.
To do this, when you are informed of a hiring decision, ask to see your workplace, and also better than all department and company. During this tour, you will be able not only to find out with whom you will have to sit side by side, but also to make acquaintance with these people, and also try to catch the nature of the relationship that reigns in the team. This information will further help you not to become a white crow.
How to join a new team
So, general idea we already have, now we need to decide how to join the new team. If it has strict business relationship, do not try to impose your friendliness. Climbing, as they say, into a strange monastery with its own rules is not a good way to join a new team. If employees are a close-knit family, still keep your eyes open and do not spread all your thoughts and feelings, especially regarding work and the team. All this can soon play against you. It is easier to join a new team with vague rules of conduct. Here you can behave sufficient openly and naturally, while maintaining the business nature of the relationship. The main thing is not to try to change yourself, just adjust your behavior.
To join a new team do not refuse offers of a joint coffee break, lunch or celebration in the team. It will only play into your hands. One of the basic rules is to show openness and friendliness, readiness to help. But also make sure that you are not manipulated and that you do not become just an errand boy (or girl). Oddly enough, periodic appeals (especially to senior employees) for professional help also help to join a new team. This characterizes you as a person who aspires to professional growth. Also, by giving advice, employees stop feeling you are a competitor. And remember, in order not to become a black sheep, you should not seek excessive approval from your superiors - no one likes upstarts.
However, there are situations when failed to join the new team immediately and bullying is announced against the newcomer. In such cases, as a rule, it is pointless to respond with aggression to aggression. Your weapon is an underlined and restrained benevolence. This is the reaction that is not expected and which does not allow the development of aggression directed at you. One more trump card- careful and meticulous work. Firstly, this will reduce the number of claims, and secondly, it will be a pity for the authorities to part with a responsible employee. Also, look at which of your colleagues is not involved in bullying, try to establish contact with them and then it will be possible with their help to gradually overcome aggression and still join the new team.
And remember the most main way how to join a new team and not become a black sheep - show responsibility and professionalism.
Tired of this life.
I'm 32, I'm renting a room in Moscow, I have a job, a small apartment in the provinces, my beloved cat, travel.
But there is emptiness in my soul, I'm tired of loneliness, of trying to earn a living, I'm tired of fighting alone, of human hypocrisy and hatred.
I'm all alone, in a team White crow, because she is too modest and silent, for some reason everyone considers it their duty to protest or regret. And so in all groups, starting from school. Mother dictator with hype, I'm afraid of everything.
There is no boyfriend, there were "mama's sons"
In addition, there is a skin disease, who needs me like that.
Too bad I don't have the courage to end it all...
Support the site:
Swallow, age: 32 / 24.07.2017
Responses:
Hello! I'll try point by point
1. I was constantly teased at school and college. In relation to me, to put it mildly, such evil jokes were directed that you would not wish on anyone. What have I done. First, I began to read a lot. With a person who knows and reads nothing can be done. Empirically verified. Secondly, I began to turn to God. Now I am convinced that God guides me through life. It was God who made me read and become enlightened. Thirdly, I began to carefully monitor myself. Not the way some women do, dressing provocatively, using cosmetics for no reason, etc. She just developed her own style of dress, combining a business focus with feminine softness. I think every girl or woman is able to find her own style.
2. I had huge skin problems along the nerves. I will not describe it here. Now I have forgotten about it. Of course, I had to go to the doctors, but the doctors provided only related assistance. The main thing is that the attitude to the world has changed.
3. I don't see anything wrong with sissy. I myself met this. He is a kind and gentle person. But he was in complete confusion. He needed warmth and care. He also has OCD. This nervous breakdown. But we are almost done with this problem. He found a job. Began to earn. You just need to support at some point.
4. There is no need to be afraid. You need to be careful. And these are different things. Again, I want to say that books help to cope with excessive fear. Many childhood fears. But good book helps to find answers to questions.
I want you to understand yourself. And pay attention to people who might be interested in you. There are always such people.
Milana, age: 28 / 25.07.2017
You look exactly like me, as if I wrote, a similar situation. I got rid of the silence in the teams when I realized that it is interesting to communicate with people and no one wishes bad things in advance, but they gossip about everyone. I used to suffer from dependence on the opinions of others, but now I realized that people come to work to work, and tongues dissolve out of boredom. Find people you enjoy talking to and stick to them, and just listen to the rest if you can't avoid their company. And defend your "I", your rights, so as not to sit on your neck. It will be very difficult at first, you will get used to it with time. And my friends never appeared, I realized that I probably didn’t need it, I wouldn’t have time for them. And find yourself a goal in life so that you have somewhere to move - it can be education, see the world, etc. Hope my tips help.
Irina, age: 33 / 25.07.2017
Hello. Don't be discouraged. Communicate on the forums, because of your modesty, it will be easier to write than to talk. Try Orthodox dating sites, they are somehow more serious there. Despite hyper-custody, you live independently in big city, work, it is very worthy. You are well done. Strength to you. And of course happiness.
Irina, age: 29 / 25.07.2017
I want to hug you. I'm almost the same age and have the same problems. I try to accept myself and my path as it is and find joy in small things: a walk in a green park, fruits, etc. Maybe we are not destined to meet love at all? So why poison with anxiety and bad thoughts real day? Collective, here you need to learn how to upset rude attacks against you. Yes, it's good to learn how to protect yourself.
Ira, age: 30 / 07/25/2017
Dear girl, your man will definitely find you, believe me. Each person has his own soul mate. Do not despair. Know how to protect yourself and never give anyone the right to be treated badly. You are a young, smart girl. You have so many reasons to be proud of yourself. After work, go for a walk and it’s good to breathe fresh air and get distracted from your thoughts. Fill your free time. Do not despair, everything will be fine.
Zeynep, age: 25 / 25.07.2017
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"White Crow" in the work team
Go to the mirror and take a good look at yourself. Try to objectively evaluate your appearance. If you are prone to experimenting with your hair, eyes, arms, legs and other parts of the body, consider whether these experiments are too bold and if they do not make you a “black sheep”.
If the answer is yes, you must mentally prepare for the fact that you will be perceived inadequately, or change your appearance, bringing it to the norm accepted in society.
Let's consider the first option. If you are a “white crow” with principles and do not want to change yourself for any good of the world, then you should know the following.
Public prejudices can relate to so many things. For example, appearance person (clothing, hairstyle, height, weight, etc.), behavior, profession, social and marital status etc. Frankly speaking, practically everything that is connected with us fits into certain prejudices that constantly weigh on everyone and turn all attempts to stand out and show their unique individuality into the causes of conflicts.
Two can be distinguished possible reactions to impose on a person public opinion one image or another. The first is acceptance and following. An individual who has fallen under the pressure of imposed norms sooner or later loses his unique features and becomes one of the many similar to each other, completely devoid of originality of beings.
The second type of reaction is completely opposite. This is rejection and protest. He can express himself different ways: attempts to become even more prominent, sometimes reaching the point of absurdity, attracting the attention of everyone accessible ways, the desire to protest and make accusatory speeches in any suitable and not suitable place etc.
It must be said that both the first and the second way of reacting in extreme forms are pathological and should be considered by specialists of a narrower profile. We can give recommendations only to those people who are aware of the absurdity of trying to break through and understand that society cannot but develop such prejudices. But stereotypes of them can still find a niche in order to express their uniqueness, and not be like anyone else around.
Indeed, the "white crow" is one of these stereotypical prejudices. It means that the person who deserves this nickname is not just different from others, but these very others have difficulty communicating with him. And the problem is not in the "white crow". Impossible to find mutual language due to the fact that those around them simply do not know how to properly respond to someone else's originality, all their difficulties are purely ethical and personal.
However, the human psyche has one feature: he would rather blame a completely innocent person for his problem than admit his guilt. That is why people on whose path the “white crow” meets, starting to feel inconvenience and difficulties in communicating with it, naturally blame the one who caused these inconveniences for their discomfort, without trying to look for the cause in themselves.
And in order to somehow understand this individual (and this understanding is a necessary part of human thinking: after all, everything should be placed in a coherent system of our worldview and worldview), we give it a name, having heard which, each of us immediately understands what in question. But, perhaps, this image does not depend in any way on the real qualities of the person being discussed.
Thus, if you still decide to defend your positions as a “white crow”, get ready for the fact that not only employees, but also most of administrative staff of your institution.
You will be taught how to behave properly, how to dress, cut your hair, make up, talk, etc. These teachings can be the stricter, the more prestigious the work and the higher the position you occupy.
If you want to avoid such an attitude towards yourself in any way, just change your image to a more acceptable one, follow generally accepted norms, try to stand out with something that is much less able to offend others (for example, become the most punctual worker, the most accurate, the most professional). And you will never be called a "white crow".
From the book Desk book Russian careerist author Ivleva Valeria VladimirovnaConflicts in the team and ways to overcome them No matter how effectively and correctly the structure is managed, from time to time conflicts mature and occur. Conflictology today has become a whole science that studies the contradictions between people, the reasons for this, the mechanisms
From the book Family Business in Russian author Shnurovozova Tatyana Vladimirovna7.1. How to create a favorable psychological climate in the team? We spend more than a third of our lives in our workplace. And a lot depends on how we develop relationships with the workspace around us, society, and our
From the book Conflict: participate or create ... author Kozlov Vladimir From the book Black Rhetoric: The Power and Magic of the Word author Bredemeyer Karsten From the book The Five Vices of a Team: Parables of Leadership author Lencioni Patrick From the book Brain Training to Generate Golden Ideas [Evard de Bono School] the author Stern Valentin From the book 50 tips for non-material motivation author Ivanova Svetlana Vladimirovna40. Hold interesting contests to create positive in the team I offer a few ideas interesting competitions that you can carry out on your corporate events(or in front of them, and sum up the results already in the process of the holiday). If you have a task
From the book Failure is the path to success [How to make past mistakes work for us] by Ridler Bill From the book How to become an indispensable employee by Craig Donald7.1. The atmosphere in the team The atmosphere in the team, or the socio-psychological climate is an important concept modern management. management professionals, business communication, working relationships, agree that from
From the book 100 ways to get rid of complexes author Chernigovtsev Gleb IvanovichWhite crow This complex, as a rule, suffers from infantile people(read about this in the infantilism section) - for some reason they feel different from the people around them, and this makes them very sad. This is a consequence of the internal immaturity of these people - they can
From the book Beauty Salon: from a business plan to real income author Voronin Sergey Valentinovich From the book Life Management [The Art of Managing Your Life] the author Alenson InessaCommunication at the workplace If relationships at the workplace with colleagues, superiors or subordinates are built on properly built connections, then the effectiveness of the work will, of course, be on top. Consider those skills and nature of relationships with others in the team,
From the book 100 business technologies: how to raise a company to new level author Cherepanov Roman From the book What is not taught in Russian schools business author Bogachenko Sergey Alexandrovich From the book Business Management. Psychology of success author Ponomarev Anton From the book Self-Sabotage. get over yourself author Berg KarenEkaterina Skorokhodova
01.06.2015 | 3110
We figure out how to turn your dissimilarity to others from a minus into an absolute plus.
Being a black sheep in a team is not very comfortable. Sometimes it's even traumatic. We will reveal to you the reasons for this phenomenon and give recommendations that will help an exceptional person survive in such a difficult situation.
How do "white crows" appear?
Surprisingly, each of us can become a black sheep in a team. This does not depend on the degree of our comfort (tendency to compromise), ability to communicate or any other personal qualities. To do this, you just need to be different from others: do not drink among drinkers, be silent among chatters, work among lazy people, or watch your appearance among whores.
Any feature that sharply distinguishes you in this particular group of people can make you a candidate for outcasts. It is a candidate, since whether you become one or stay on the verge of social acceptance will depend on your personal qualities and the ability to build contact with different, even very different people from you.
It is worse if a person is turned into a black sheep by his unwillingness to find a common language with colleagues. Arrogant attitude, lack of communication skills, excessive touchiness or, conversely, callousness, impulsiveness, tactlessness, a tendency to ridicule and cruel jokes, obsession and disrespect for other people's boundaries - all this will cause employees to try to exclude such a colleague from general circle and start avoiding it.
Is it worth changing yourself if you fall into the category of "white crows"?
Yes and no. If you decide to move away from the image of "white-eye", think carefully about your future losses. Yes, losses will be inevitable, because this role has several undoubted bonuses.
For example, you have a much greater range of freedom of action than others. You will be forgiven for what other members of the team will not be forgiven under any circumstances. You can from time to time "throw numbers" and "arrange demonstration shows" and this will be accepted within the normal range. So think carefully before you start the path to "regular and combed under a common comb." Will you lose something important? Something like yourself.
You should not change yourself if your unusualness is in the following areas:
- healthy lifestyle (cessation of smoking, alcohol, love of sports);
- habit of conscientious work, professional cleanliness;
- culinary or worldview preferences (for example, vegetarianism);
- religious beliefs;
- the habit of looking your best in any conditions.
You need to think about changes when you feel that your misunderstandings with colleagues are in the field of communication. Usually, in such cases, we say to ourselves: "They don't like me, because they envy me."
But the truth is that we perceive people a little one-sidedly. After all, if you look closely, you can find common ground with everyone and see something close and understandable in a person.
For example, a harmful boss is not clear to you as an employee, but as women you intersect in many things. Or another example: an obsessive colleague, who has to be gently and not very “pushed” from her boundaries, shows miracles of professionalism in crisis situations and helps you and others out.
Tactics of behavior with colleagues, or How to turn a minus into a plus
Remember the famous expression: “If life gives you a lemon, turn it into lemonade”? Being a white crow is undoubtedly a lemon, but if you cut it into slices and sweeten it with sugar, it will be quite possible to eat it.
- Drop the militancy. Do you want your personality to be accepted and understood? Understand the people around you. They have the right to eat meat, be lazy or not take care of themselves. After all, it is their life and their freedom.
- Sweeten the lemon with sugar. Tell a compassionate story about a terrible poisoning that led you to become a vegetarian or extremely sober. IN this case pity is understanding and acceptance. Bonus - your quiet life.
- Spread the light. Are you a vegetarian? Share delicious dish. Fashionista? Teach makeup. That's how you win.
At all times, society has imposed its standards on a person, which the majority considers the only true ones. However, there are often those who swim against the current, acting in a non-trivial way. Such people are called "white crows". Often they keep apart and do not seek to establish close contacts with society. But what about the "white crow" who wants to become "their own"?
New life of the white crow
"White crows" often live outside of society. As a rule, such people manifest themselves in childhood. It is difficult for a child who is different from the rest to be part of a team, to study in a class with ordinary people. There are difficulties in communication, mutual misunderstanding. A similar situation is familiar to freshman Alexandra:
“When I was in school, I felt uncomfortable among my classmates. No, I was in no way bullied or mocked, I was an ordinary child. Just topics for conversation of my peers, their hobbies seemed uninteresting and banal to me. Sometimes I even told myself that I should communicate with my class, forced myself to at least pretend that we really have some kind of common ground.
Another freshman, Daria, had a similar problem while studying at school:
« It was very difficult for me to find a common language with my classmates. We were too different. I literally wanted to fall into the ground from one of their contemptuous glances in my direction. The call from the last lesson was like a stone from the soul for me.
Fortunately for our heroines, you can't study at school forever. The girls have gone through USE tests and the hardships of admission and became students high school economy. Going to university always means new stage in life. You meet people with similar interests and goals in life to yours (it’s not for nothing that you entered the same specialty). Often, yesterday's "white crows" begin to pay attention to the new environment and even try to show interest in it. However, it is sometimes very difficult to overcome the prejudices built up over the years.
« At first, I could not get rid of the distrust of the new classmates,- says Dasha, - could exchange a few words with two or three girls, and then went home, ignoring the joint leisure of the group.
"White crows" are not interested in noisy companies. As a rule, such people are melancholic introverts. However, the classification by psychotypes sometimes does not withstand the philistine approach to the issue: sometimes it all depends on human environment environment. How can a "white crow" find a common language with others? Coping with a similar situation, the girls gave some advice.
All over again
Two stories of heroines are united by one important detail. Both girls found themselves in a new environment, where they built a social circle from scratch . If someone hasn't appreciated your individuality, or if you don't feel the desire to get closer to others, why not try your luck with other people? Nowadays, there are many clubs of interest, where you can easily find like-minded people. Each person is able to find an environment for himself where he will feel “at ease”. In a new social circle, you can start everything "with clean slate and take the role in the team that you choose yourself.
The main thing - do not be afraid to change your environment and do not hesitate to communicate more with new people. After all, the new team has not yet formed a clear opinion about you, which means when, if not now, can you create an idea about yourself?
Step forward
White crows have a non-trivial mind, which also often coexists with egocentrism. Or such people themselves from childhood get used to their status and lose the ability to overcome their complexes and prejudices. Getting out of your comfort zone is getting real important milestone socialization for "white crows".
“To be honest, going to the first introductory training for freshmen, I sincerely believed that I would behave the way I once did in school, Sasha says, but how delighted I was with my group! I immediately wanted to be friends with them. And soon I caught myself thinking that the wall that I had fenced in for many years was crumbling. I began not to miss a single event with the group, to spend as much time as possible with new friends. Gradually, I myself did not notice how I met and became close to guys from other faculties. Now I'm trying to calculate and I understand that my circle of friends has grown by about three times.
Acceptance of society as it is
Often "white crows" themselves refuse to accept "others". It is difficult for them to accept as a norm that each of us has our own values and interests. Own categoricalness becomes a serious obstacle for the "white crows" on the way to establishing contact with society.
“It seemed almost barbaric to me that most of my classmates, for example, did not read a single work of Bulgakov,- says Dasha, - It is still a mystery to me what you can talk about with such people. By the way, psychologists confirm: "white crows" are often book lovers and read literally avidly.
You should not reject the opinion of people if it does not coincide with yours. If you really want to find a common language with others, learn to listen and take into account their words. Goodwill and openness will in no way detract from your uniqueness, but will make you a pleasant person in the eyes of society.
Your environment is your teachers
It is pleasant for everyone to feel the interest from the other person, and if you try to learn more about the hobbies and preferences of others, this will surely win society over to you.
In addition, you yourself will learn a lot about what was not previously in your area of interest, and maybe even find a new hobby.
Your individuality is your advantage
This banal advice is the best suited for such situations. A person is valued primarily for his uniqueness, and in no case should you adapt to those around you.
“Of course, while studying, one cannot completely isolate oneself from society,- Dasha completes her story, - and with my classmates, despite the initial distrust, I tried to be friendly and nice. I love to cook, and it has become a real pleasure for me to treat those who are tired of "Doshirak" in the hostel. Fortunately, I have found that new acquaintances can keep up the conversation on many topics of interest to me, and often we have exciting discussions in which I am not shy about expressing my opinion. And I am very pleased that they listen to me and hear me. There was no trace of the former distrust, and I gladly overcame my fear.
Being a black sheep is by no means a punishment for a person. On the contrary, it is a wonderful feature. Learn to take advantage of your difference from others, and it will become your undeniable advantage.
Text: Olya Zhabokritskaya
Illustrations: Alexandra Daniel
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