The status of the "white crow" is very easy to get, but it is quite difficult to get rid of it. Children, often, act as it is customary in their circle. Anyone who goes against the rules becomes an outcast.
For the first time, the status of the "white crow" was assigned to me in a children's camp, where I rested with my new girlfriends.
The stigma of the "white crow" and the result - loneliness
After fifth grade during summer holidays It was my first time at a children's camp. After a week of rest, I really missed home and, having suffered for another week, I left for my beloved mother.
One year after graduation school year I again went to Kid `s camp. Having matured during this time, I was much more interesting than the last time. I could meet new friends, read new books in the library, go to wellness treatments and just do nothing.
In my new company was most of girls older than me. It was interesting for me to watch (and learn) how they did makeup and manicures to please the boys from the neighboring houses.
One evening, after lights out, the girls from the next room came to our room to learn how to smoke. They believed that the guys should like it and, for sure, attract their attention.
Each girl in our company took a cigarette from a pack, lit it and began to cough softly. At first, everyone was so enthusiastically engaged in smoking that they did not notice: I did not take a cigarette from the pack.
My happiness did not last long - as soon as one girl spoke out loud, a "flock of black crows" attacked me with a request to join them.
My beliefs that smoking is bad were of no interest to anyone. After requests and jokes, threats and ridicule began. “If you turn us in, then we will say that you smoked with us!” - yesterday's girlfriends threatened.
I didn't want to give up anyone. Why do I need it? But I didn't want to smoke either.
That evening, for the first time, I became a "white crow", I was now not accepted into the company of experienced and seniors. It’s hard to bear this burden, and for a long time I asked myself: “Did I make the right choice?”
Yes, I am a white crow, but I don’t want to get dirty in black!
Now, remembering that incident, I understand that the choice was difficult and it took strength to make it. Did I make the right choice? Who will answer?
Seeing the results of my choice and that the worst thing that can await me is loneliness, I was able to defend my principles several more times, but received the next titles of the “blonde crow”.
At the university, I was the headman and could not give to others bad example. I was not a nerd, but skipping classes for no reason is not the most the best activity for the elder. The result is the status of an outcast, which was smoothed out only by the fact that I had to be reckoned with because of the position of the headman.
Lies and gossip in one of the offices where I worked was another reason to get the status of the "white crow" again. An outcast in the team just because I don’t like to lie and spread gossip? I will not step over myself, just to please others.
Loneliness, loneliness, loneliness...
It is difficult to say which choice is more correct: to give up your beliefs for the joy of others or find loneliness in the hope of finding those who share my point of view.
Only one thing pleases - there is always a choice that my future will decide later. I would not be me if I had not defended my understanding of the world in due time. Perhaps even now I would not have known about your existence, would not have found this site.
Or maybe I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t stand up for my principles that evening in the camp, but instead became addicted to a cigarette and fell ill with lung cancer ...
I made a conclusion for myself - let me be an outcast and a “black sheep”, but I will save my valuables for myself, I will be alive and well, I will not smoke and take drugs, abuse alcohol and hang out with men.
One thing pleases me - I always have a choice and it is not easy to break me!
Most of the time it starts at school. Some children feel uncomfortable in the company of classmates, do not like to play with peers, prefer to read or just walk alone. Many remain black sheep and adult life. Being "different" is not harmful in itself. It is harmful when it prevents you from being happy.
In the world of children, a white crow is not difficult to distinguish. It is worth noticing a child who does not participate in common game or stands alone by the window at a school break. In the world of adults, things are somewhat more complicated. In the end, here everyone is trying to stand out, to be different from everyone else. However, the white crow retains its habits here too. She still does not like large gatherings of people, she does not participate in general conversations at work, dreamy, melancholic.
Sometimes, however, white crows become involuntarily. Everyone must remember how at school some child from the class was subjected to serious persecution, despite the fact that he sincerely wanted to be friends with everyone. The reason for such persecution can be both the banal hostility of other children to the appearance of the child, and the conflict based on nationality, religion, and many other reasons.
Children who have experienced such harassment at a young age may find it difficult to recover later. In all respects, even initially friendly ones, they see a catch, they hear ridicule behind their backs. It seems to them that something for which they were humiliated at school will haunt them all their lives.
White crows love to read, most often they are extremely smart and spiritually developed. Due to the fact that they spent their childhood alone, they developed a dreamy character. Often, instead of paying attention to the real world, they are carried away into the world of their fantasies. IN romantic relationship this, on the one hand, makes them devoted and selfless, on the other hand, demanding, selective. For a white crow, there are no frivolous relationships. If she chooses a partner for herself, then she does it for life and is guided by a true feeling.
Of course, such detachment from society and devotion to one's oddities is not something bad in itself. Each of us follows our inner call, and if the heart asks for loneliness, then there is no need to contradict it. However, being a black sheep does not always mean being on your own. Often this is not a conscious choice, but an internal weakness, an inability to overcome barriers that have been established since childhood.
Excessive shyness and isolation can interfere with the establishment of personal life, advancement in career ladder. Moreover - and perhaps much more important for those who can rightfully call themselves white crows - shyness and fearfulness do not allow you to fully develop your creative abilities, achieve serious success in any art, even the one closest to you.
Therefore, if you feel like a black sheep, then try to understand where the boundary lies between isolation and isolation. Do not try to adapt to the requirements of society. You are not an outcast, but a unique bird, of which there are few. But no one will know about this unique bird (perhaps even you) if it drives itself into a cage. Unleash your deepest talents. Be even more unusual, even more original. “Dreaming a little can be dangerous. Therefore, you need to dream not less, but more, you need to dream all the time, ”wrote Marcel Proust. Show everyone what a real white crow can do. Let everyone who wanted to humiliate you begin to envy you.
One of the reasons why people are afraid to change jobs is the fear of a new team, the fear that it will be difficult to get used to new colleagues, and whether it will be possible to fit into their team at all.
It is clear that getting used to a new team is not so easy, especially if previous place worked out for many years, and relations developed good, friendly.
But some people are able to quickly win the respect and friendship of colleagues, others require quite a lot of time and effort, and someone, even after working in a new place for several years, still remains an unwanted stranger. And it turns out then that an attractive job with a salary and other conditions becomes a source of constant stress and breakdowns.
It is clear that it is impossible to please everyone without exception, and in any team there are some conflicts from time to time. But it also happens that the whole team seems to unite against one person, thereby creating unbearable conditions for a person. What is the reason for such behavior, how to behave in order not to become a "black sheep".
There can be several reasons for such behavior of colleagues: this and competitive fight, and envy, and fear of rivalry or comparison of old employees next to a newcomer, etc. Moreover, bosses can also take part in such persecution, having decided, for some reason of their own, to “survive” an objectionable employee.
In fact, the manifestation of aggression, psychological pressure from colleagues calls for the serious attention of psychologists. There is even a name for this behavior - mobbing. Initially, the word "mobbing" was used to describe the behavior of herbivores, which, united, opposed the predator. IN public life this term has become the definition of aggression in relation to one or another member of the team.
Unlike European companies, where statistics show that every 25th office employee is subjected to mobbing, in our country such data is not recorded. But this does not mean that this problem does not exist.
Usually, people who are insecure become the object of mobbing. And this is understandable, if the dislike of the team does not cause any emotions in their colleague, then he is rather quickly left alone, because the main task is to unbalance the person and make them make mistakes or behave inappropriately.
Therefore, if it so happened that you became a victim of harassment by colleagues at work, in no case do not show that you are offended by the ridicule, hairpins and slander of others. Of course, this is difficult to do, but in such cases it is impossible to answer an insult with an insult and, in general, to give vent to emotions.
True, think about this: if working in this company is not the ultimate dream for you, is it worth spending your strength and nerves to overcome the dislike of others or superiors? Maybe it's wiser to look elsewhere? In the end, health is disproportionately more expensive.
And if you decide to fight for your "place in the sun", try to understand why they took up arms against you so much. It is not always just the evil disposition of colleagues that becomes the only reason for their behavior. A lot depends on you too.
There are some points that will always prevent you from establishing a normal working relationship, so you should pay attention to them and reconsider your behavior in one way or another.
One of these "irritants" is the habit of constantly complaining. If you talk about your problems at work all the time, sooner or later your colleagues will stop listening and will take out their irritation on you.
Judge for yourself: people who constantly complain are usually treated with a mixture of pity and contempt. Yes, and people come to work to work, everyone has their own worries, it is likely that they are much more serious. So why should they constantly listen to you, delve into, help, solve your problems for you?
The same applies to constant requests for help. Of course, there is nothing wrong with the fact that you turn to one of your colleagues with a request to help sort out difficult question, but it is not worth turning this into a common practice.
They do not like boasting in the team. If your financial situation allows you not to think about money, it is hardly worth talking about how you spend your holidays, what boutiques you go to, how many rooms in your mansion, or how often you change cars.
It is unlikely that all your colleagues can afford this, and your stories will cause them a feeling of envy, and, accordingly, in time, hostility. Be humble, others will appreciate it.
Boasting mixed with snobbery will cause a particularly negative and unanimous reaction. You can consider yourself the most remarkable specialist, a person who is comprehensively educated and developed, but even if your colleagues are all narrow-minded and mentally underdeveloped, you should not show them what you think of them. Because, united in their hostility, they will be able to poison your life so much that you, with your highest qualifications, will be forced to look for another place.
In every team there are always some unspoken rules and traditions. They deserve respect, even if you don't like them. Disregard for the opinion of the majority will certainly affect the attitude towards you.
Similarly, your excessive activity will also affect relationships, for example, your attempts to charm all male colleagues are unlikely to help you establish a good relationship with the female part of the team. On the contrary, gossip, jealousy, malicious remarks and jokes are provided to you.
The consequences of mobbing can be more than serious. Well, if you are confident enough in yourself, and the persecution, hostility, hostility of colleagues will not drop your self-esteem. Then you can calmly weigh the pros and cons and try to either correct your behavior, thereby changing the attitude of your colleagues, or you will simply leave this job.
But for a weak, insecure, timid person, psychological pressure may turn out to be disastrous. Especially if he spends energy, time and health to prove that he is not the way he is perceived.
Once in isolation, an insecure person experiences severe psychological trauma, becomes vulnerable to many diseases, primarily related to the nervous system.
Again, being in constant tension, it is unlikely that you will be able to maintain smooth and calm relations in the family, with children and husband, with friends, especially if they do not understand what is happening to you.
Needless to say, around us is a difficult life full of worries and problems. You have to fight for a “place in the sun”, and unfortunately it happens quite often, some people use any tricks and methods for this.
Take care of yourself, weigh your strengths and capabilities, getting involved in such a struggle. Ultimately, not a single, even the most wonderful job, is worth your health, nerves and family well-being. First of all, take care of yourself and your loved ones!
Publication date 13.12.2005
The expression "white crow" is rarely used in personnel management. More often they talk about white crows in school pedagogy. However, in some offices, the white crow is a synonym for leadership, progress, positive changes against the background of general stagnation, stagnation.
"Bird" that's out of its mind
White crow- this is a person who did not join the team, could not achieve serious results in it. However, there are two subspecies of white crows.
The first is when a person stands out negative qualities: really much weaker than their colleagues, does not possess necessary knowledge, and besides, he is asocial: he does not know how to dress, behave correctly, is rude, and so on. In this case, he slows down the team.
– Recently, we hired an employee who comes from bad smell, - says Irina Vitalievna, advertising manager. – He looks strange: apparently, he rarely bathes, does not wash or iron his clothes. Working next to such an employee is a living hell.
If the white crow is a synonym for mental disorders, quarrelsomeness, then the team has a very, very bad time.
- Our deputy chief is explosive, unbalanced person, - says Kirill Vsevolodovich, marketer. - It significantly complicates the atmosphere in the office, because all the other employees with us are calm and purposeful. He is also distinguished by the fact that he allows himself to be rude, and sometimes even swears.
On creative wings - into the swamp
However, there is another option: when a person, on the contrary, stands out with his positive qualities in the "swamp" team. For example, the whole team steals, but he does not. Or: the whole team has long ceased to care about the well-being of the company, and he seriously thinks about it. Or: everyone around is absolutely not involved in the introduction of new products and is trying in every possible way to shirk business, but he is downright burning at work. In this case, the white crow also irritates the team, because it prevents colleagues from calmly going about their business.
- We had a very talented accountant who always offered some new items, - says administrator Kirill Vladimirovich. - He had a lot of ideas: to optimize taxation, to create greater transparency in tax reporting, to reduce costs and increase profits. However, all his initiatives were shattered by the indifference of his colleagues and superiors. The enterprise was state-owned. Everything was "on the drum". As a result, he left for another firm, where he quickly became commercial director. This company got rich thanks to him!
Indeed, there is an opinion that the rejection of white crows by collectives is the main reason for the outflow of intellectual capital from firm to firm, as well as abroad.
- Majority talented people, who went abroad, left the country only because of the lack of self-realization, - says sociologist Georgy Uglanyan. - In the West, they have turned from white crows into big managers and owners of laboratories.
In a "stagnant" team, the white crow is resisted, as is any progress in general. And here there can be two scenarios. Either a person becomes a leader and radically rebuilds everything around, or he is fired.
"Hunters" for "crows" most often become envious or simply intolerant of other people's opinions. "Hunters" themselves are often uncultured. Best of all, "hunting" succeeds in closed teams, where control from the outside is difficult. The less transparent the team, the more the leader does not care about what is happening in it - the more chances to "trample" the individual.
If a white crow appeared in your team
1. Determine what exactly this person stands out for. If you like his position and skills, take his side, help him adapt. Perhaps in the future he will repay you with kindness.
2. White Ravens usually have high potential. Learn from them to think, speak, act.
3. Do not persecute a person just because he is not like everyone else.
4. Help this person to express their views in the best way (plan for the improvement of the enterprise, suggestions for new system material reward), help him create a team of like-minded people, which, by the way, you can also join.
If you yourself turned out to be a black sheep in the team
1. Try to get your boss on your side, and also define a support group among ordinary employees.
2. Decide what exactly you would like to change in the work of the team, determine the tactics and strategy of behavior.
3. Try to talk to people about the essence of the problem, and not about personal ambitions. Don't offend human dignity.
4. Show colleagues that if they work differently, then their whole life will change radically.
5. Improve your communication skills, learn to find mutual language with any person, including those opposed to you personally.
6. Show that you are not opposed to the team, that you do not have the goal of hurting or offending anyone. Show what you work for common task and the team will only get better from your work.
Rodion CHEPALOV,
HR specialist, business coach
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Ekaterina Skorokhodova
01.06.2015 | 3110
We figure out how to turn your dissimilarity to others from a minus into an absolute plus.
Being a black sheep in a team is not very comfortable. Sometimes it's even traumatic. We will reveal to you the reasons for this phenomenon and give recommendations that will help an exceptional person survive in such a difficult situation.
How do "white crows" appear?
Surprisingly, each of us can become a black sheep in a team. This does not depend on the degree of our comfort (tendency to compromise), ability to communicate or any other personal qualities. To do this, you just need to be different from others: do not drink among drinkers, be silent among chatters, work among lazy people, or watch your appearance among whores.
Any feature that sharply distinguishes you in this particular group of people can make you a candidate for outcasts. It is a candidate, since whether you become one or stay on the verge of social acceptance will depend on your personal qualities and the ability to build contact with different, even very different people from you.
It is worse if a person is turned into a black sheep by his unwillingness to find a common language with colleagues. Arrogant attitude, lack of communication skills, excessive touchiness or, conversely, callousness, impulsiveness, tactlessness, a tendency to ridicule and cruel jokes, obsession and disrespect for other people's boundaries - all this will cause employees to try to exclude such a colleague from general circle and start avoiding it.
Is it worth changing yourself if you fall into the category of "white crows"?
Yes and no. If you decide to move away from the image of "white-eye", think carefully about your future losses. Yes, losses will be inevitable, because this role has several undoubted bonuses.
For example, you have a much greater range of freedom of action than others. You will be forgiven for what other members of the team will not be forgiven under any circumstances. You can from time to time "throw numbers" and "arrange demonstration shows" and this will be accepted within the normal range. So think carefully before you start the path to "regular and combed under a common comb." Will you lose something important? Something like yourself.
You should not change yourself if your unusualness is in the following areas:
- healthy lifestyle (cessation of smoking, alcohol, love of sports);
- habit of conscientious work, professional cleanliness;
- culinary or worldview preferences (for example, vegetarianism);
- religious beliefs;
- the habit of looking your best in any conditions.
You need to think about changes when you feel that your misunderstandings with colleagues are in the field of communication. Usually, in such cases, we say to ourselves: "They don't like me, because they envy me."
But the truth is that we perceive people a little one-sidedly. After all, if you look closely, you can find common ground with everyone and see something close and understandable in a person.
For example, a harmful boss is not clear to you as an employee, but as women you intersect in many things. Or another example: an obsessive colleague, who has to be gently and not very “pushed” from her boundaries, shows miracles of professionalism in crisis situations and helps you and others out.
Tactics of behavior with colleagues, or How to turn a minus into a plus
Remember the famous expression: “If life gives you a lemon, turn it into lemonade”? Being a white crow is undoubtedly a lemon, but if you cut it into slices and sweeten it with sugar, it will be quite possible to eat it.
- Drop the militancy. Do you want your personality to be accepted and understood? Understand the people around you. They have the right to eat meat, be lazy or not take care of themselves. After all, it is their life and their freedom.
- Sweeten the lemon with sugar. Tell a compassionate story about a terrible poisoning that led you to become a vegetarian or extremely sober. IN this case pity is understanding and acceptance. Bonus - your quiet life.
- Spread the light. Are you a vegetarian? Share delicious dish. Fashionista? Teach makeup. That's how you win.
