Some will be surprised and find this question very strange, because it is common knowledge that physical punishment is not the best disciplinary strategy.
However, some parents are still of the opinion that education with a stick is much more effective than the currently popular education with carrots. It is necessary to figure out where the line is that separates reasonable punishment and unjustified cruelty.
The question of whether to beat or not to beat a child, as a rule, appears to parents when their beloved child turns two or three years old.
In that age period Personality formation occurs, the baby also absorbs various information, equips himself with new skills and studies the limits of what is permitted.
Obviously, such a process of growing up must be accompanied by various troubles, since the child learns about the world through trial and error. He studies and tests literally everything, and such behavior often poses a danger to children's health.
It is quite natural that every parent tries to protect their baby from various traumatic situations. It is also clear that when such cases arise, mothers and fathers are overwhelmed by bright and strong emotions.
In addition, children at the age of three enter into a special crisis period when stubbornness, despotism, negativism, obstinacy, and willful “notes” appear in their behavior. Some kids become completely uncontrollable.
Adolescents are also not distinguished by exemplary behavior; they are prone to egocentrism, maximalism and a tendency to manipulative actions.
That is why infrequent outbursts of anger and the desire to spank their beloved child in their hearts visit even the most loving and most liberal parents. And this is quite normal, however, there are situations when the desire to physically punish a child can be considered something abnormal.
Other reasons for using corporal punishment
Statistics show that the overwhelming majority of Russian parents admitted that in their childhood their parents used physical punishment against them.
Moreover, 65% of all respondents are still fully confident that the use of such strict disciplinary measures by their parents was only for their benefit, so they rarely use corporal punishment on their children.
What are the sources of such ambiguous parenting decisions?
- Family traditions. Some adults may take out their own childhood grievances and complexes on their child. Moreover, mothers and fathers do not even accept other methods of persuasion and education, considering that a slap on the head and good word You can achieve more than just a good word.
- Reluctance to educate or lack of time. As already noted, education is a complex process, so for some parents it is much easier to hit a child than to have long conversations with him, proving him wrong.
- Parental helplessness. Adults grab the strap out of despair and a simple lack of knowledge about how to cope with a disobedient or uncontrollable child.
- Own failure. Sometimes parents hit their child on the bottom just because they need to take out their anger on someone for their own failures. Any childish misbehavior becomes a reason to lash out and “take it out” on the child for your problems at work or in your personal life.
- Mental instability. For some moms and dads, strong emotions are vital. They get them when they scream and beat children for no reason. Then, fueled by strong emotions, the parent who beat the child cries with him.
Thus, there are many reasons for using harsh disciplinary measures. And those who think that only alcoholic parents or other antisocial individuals are interested in such educational methods are wrong. It remains to understand why such measures are undesirable.
Why can't you hit a child?
Fortunately, many adults who use physical punishment on children know how to stop in time and do not hit them with full force.
However, even a light blow (especially to the head) can harm a child’s body. And what younger child, the more serious the consequences. Moreover, many of them are invisible to a non-specialist.
If we do not take into account very severe cases of violence against children in the family, we can find great amount parents who periodically allow themselves to resort to corporal punishment.
They are convinced that it is possible to hit a child on the hands or a soft spot, since such measures do not harm health, but have a good educational effect.
However, such mothers and fathers forget that punishment can affect not only the physical, but also the psychological level.
- Unwanted physical contact (slapping, poking, shaking, spanking with a belt) violates the child’s personal boundaries. He does not develop the ability to defend the limits of his “I”. That is, other people's opinions and words will have too much meaning for a grown-up person.
- Based on relationships with mother and father, basic trust in the world is formed. Violence from the most loved one becomes a cause of distrust in people, which negatively affects socialization.
- Constant spanking makes a child feel humiliated, which can lead to a drop in self-esteem. And this can already lead to the loss of such important qualities like initiative, perseverance, self-esteem and perseverance.
- A beating parent sets an example of aggressive behavior. A child who has encountered the harshness of his father or mother believes that conflicts must be resolved with the help of force, threats and other aggressive acts.
- If you spank children, they begin to divide all people into “victims” and “aggressors,” and subconsciously choose the appropriate role for themselves. Female victims marry aggressive members of the stronger sex, and male aggressors will suppress their wives and children through threats or physical violence.
Corporal punishment does not affect the cause of disobedience and is characterized by a short duration of action. At first, the fear of a spanking is present, but then the child adapts and continues to play on the parent’s nerves.
Opinion of American scientists
The truth that childhood experiences influence later life, is familiar to everyone. Physical violence from loved ones is a common factor in the development of psycho-emotional disorders and neurological diseases in adulthood.
Scientists from the United States studying the consequences of using physical punishment for educational purposes provide some shocking data. Thus, people who were regularly slapped and slapped on the head were characterized by reduced intellectual abilities.
In especially severe cases, we were even talking about mental and physical impairments, since the centers responsible for processing and storing information, speech and motor functions were seriously damaged.
In addition, according to the same American scientists, children subjected to corporal punishment are more prone to vascular diseases, diabetes, arthritis and other equally serious diseases as they grow up.
Also teenagers whose childhood was marred parental aggression, more often become drug addicts, alcoholics and criminals. They also adopt a cruel parenting style and transfer it to their own children. That is, a kind of vicious circle, in which aggression gives rise to cruelty.
It should still be noted that this work was criticized by other experts. Some scientists felt that there were certain excesses in the data presented. For example, the researchers did not bother to divide into groups sadistic parents and those mothers and fathers who occasionally use mild corporal punishment.
That is why it is extremely difficult to judge whether spanking and slaps on the head can actually lead to mental deficiency or heart problems in adulthood.
Refusal to use physical “arguments” in communication with a child does not mean that you should completely abandon disciplinary action as an effective measure.
If a child has committed a truly serious offense, adults must take certain steps. Otherwise, rare cases of inappropriate behavior may become a mass phenomenon, which will be extremely difficult to combat.
How to punish correctly?
What is it like for a child? A pediatrician talks about this, as well as how to replace the computer.
Well, the highest parental aerobatics is the ability to anticipate conflict situations. First of all, you need to understand that the main source of bad behavior is the desire to attract the attention of adults. If you begin to communicate with your child more often, the number of whims and misdeeds will immediately decrease.
Alternative measures do not work: what to do?
Many parents, reading such advice, begin to think that the authors live in some kind of parallel or ideal reality, in which the child is always obedient, and the mother is always calm and balanced.
Of course, there are situations when requests, persuasion, explanations are not able to help calm down and bring things back to normal. emotional condition a stubborn or enraged child.
In such a situation, as some experts believe, a light slap can switch attention and become a kind of inhibitor of a psycho-emotional outburst. Naturally, the strength of the spank must be controlled (as well as your mental state).
In addition, corporal punishment (speech in in this case does not involve flogging) is possible if:
- childish behavior poses a direct threat to the life and health of the little bully (poking fingers into sockets, playing with fire, moving to the side highway, approaching the edge of a cliff, etc.);
- the child has crossed absolutely all limits of what is permitted, clearly trying to piss you off, and he does not respond to other disciplinary measures and may even behave inappropriately (see the previous paragraph).
After a light spank it is necessary to mandatory explain what the punishment was for and how to behave correctly. Don’t forget to also say that it is the action you don’t like, and not the child himself. You still love him.
Parents to the studio!
Curious what moms and dads themselves think about this? As is usually the case in matters of education, opinions vary significantly. Some parents are convinced that spanking and ordinary spankings on the butt are quite effective method disciplinary action.
Like, they beat us with rods for the misdeeds of our ancestors, and nothing - they grew up no worse than the rest.
Other adults oppose any forceful influence on the child, believing that the best way education are conversations, explanations, stories and illustrative examples. Here are specific statements from parents.
Anastasia, expectant mother:“And it often hit me on the butt: both with a belt and with the palm of my hand. And nothing - everything is fine. Now I myself think that if talking doesn’t help, you can use force. But not to beat him, of course, but just lightly on a soft spot. A child needs to be hit on the bottom occasionally if he doesn’t understand normal words.”
Christina, mother of two-year-old Yaroslav:“When I was a child, I was often beaten with a belt, and I still resent my mother. She still thinks that if she beat a child, then there are no problems. I firmly decided that I would not spank my kids. And I try to solve all the difficulties with my son without a belt or spanking. I’m trying to negotiate, even though he’s still small. Calm conversations seem to work.”
Of course, only you can decide which parenting methods are applicable specifically to your child. However, it should be understood that the formation of personality occurs with early childhood, and it depends on the parents what will be carried away future life current baby.
Many experts oppose physical punishment, giving fairly well-reasoned examples of why you should not hit your children. Perhaps their arguments will help you decide whether the carrot or the stick is better.
Parents constantly wonder whether physical punishment should be used on children? Psychologists and doctors are discussing this topic today, and the state is trying to protect children from aggressor parents. If you are also raising a child, then you have probably encountered difficult situations, when you really want to use the strap. This happens to everyone, but not everyone is able to resist. “Popular about health” invites you to figure out why you shouldn’t hit children on the butt, arms and head. Why are physical punishments dangerous? What impact will they have on the younger generation in the future?
Why parents are ready to pick up a belt?
Even the most loving and loyal parents often simply cannot restrain themselves from spanking the tomboy. Their feelings can be understood - little “testers” taste everything, test their strength, exposing themselves to danger. Beginning with three years old, children are already able to show their character, they can be stubborn, obstinate, rude, and some are completely uncontrollable. Adolescence also not easy. At this time, boys and girls are generally more susceptible to the influence of their peers; their parents’ word means almost nothing to them. If you try to give advice, you can run into rudeness. Teenagers often manipulate feelings, show selfishness and are prone to maximalism. It can be difficult for mom and dad to cope with such difficulties. This is why it occurs desire spank the child. But is this the only reason for aggression? No, often their root lies deeper:
1. Fathers and mothers beat their offspring because they themselves were raised to be aggressive.
2. Adults take out their anger and their complexes and failures.
3. Parents do not have time for quality education and long conversations with their child.
4. Moms and dads simply don’t know how to approach their children.
5. Adults are mentally unstable, they need an emotional shake-up and use the child to satisfy this need.
Contrary to the belief that only alcoholics show aggression towards children, statistics indicate the opposite - completely sane mothers and fathers also beat their children. Why shouldn't you touch children?
Why you shouldn’t beat children at all – a psychologist’s opinion
Hitting children is dangerous not only because it can harm their health, but also for other reasons. Aggression can lead to mental disorders in children and adolescents. In the future, they will grow up insecure, weak and dependent on the opinions of others. Such people are unlikely to succeed. So, let's discuss in detail the consequences that corporal punishment of children will lead to:
1. Physical punishment of a child is an interference in his personal space, and an unwanted one. By using spankings and belts, mother and father prevent the formation of a valuable skill - the ability to defend the boundaries of one’s own space, one’s “I”. In the future, such a child, upon becoming an adult, will be too dependent on the opinions of others.
2. Aggression from relatives negatively affects the formation of trust in others.
3. Application physical strength treating children humiliates them, deprives them of self-esteem, which means that subsequently they will not be able to objectively evaluate themselves and will not learn to show initiative and perseverance.
4. Toddlers and teenagers learn aggressive behavior looking at moms and dads. In the future, they will solve their problems in the same way.
5. Faced with cruelty at home, as children grow up, they will subconsciously choose a life partner who will show aggression towards them.
We looked at how parental aggression affects psychological condition their children. Now let's see what harm moms and dads can cause to children physically if they use force on them.
Why you can't spank your butt hard?
Blows delivered to the “soft spot” only seem harmless. Even if you don’t hit with full force (note that it is quite difficult to control yourself in the heat of anger), you can damage the baby’s kidneys, which are located just above the buttocks. By slightly miscalculating the effort, a father or mother can cause internal bleeding in a defenseless baby or damage the lower spine.
Why can't you hit children's hands too??
Even simple slaps on the hands because the baby is reaching into an outlet or putting dangerous objects in his mouth can cause harm. The hands are closely connected with the speech center. It’s not for nothing that children are recommended to develop fine motor skills for speech development. Hitting hands means causing problems with the speech apparatus. Therefore, you cannot hit children on the hands!
Why don't they hit a child on the head??
The head is the most weakness. The skull of babies is still quite soft and vulnerable. Even a minor jolt or blow can cause serious consequences– disorders of the optic nerve, speech center, memory, problems with associations and logic may arise. Hitting someone on the head is extremely dangerous and can lead to disability. For the same reason, you should not hit children in the face. Even shaking a child by the shoulders can lead to damage to the baby’s brain - rupture of cell membranes and vascular walls. The consequences of such actions are sad:
Loss of vision or hearing;
Epilepsy;
Mental retardation;
Paralysis;
Speech disorders.
That is why you cannot “knock” on the head in any way.
It is absolutely forbidden to beat children, even if you do not have the strength to tolerate their antics. It's better to stop for a minute and leave the room to calm down, and then talk. Use punishments in the form of deprivation of pleasures - cartoons, sweets, communication with peers (for a teenager), but do not use force.
Experts unanimously say that children should not be spanked, since assault is not the most the best method impact on the child. And yet, many adults are sure: it is easier to spank a child on the butt once than to repeat many times why something should not be done.
Today we will discuss the arguments of domestic and foreign psychologists who oppose physical punishment, and find out why children should not be spanked.
The statistics are inexorable - about 60% of Russian parents use physical force against their children from time to time. Of course, in most cases these are not severe beatings, but the notorious spankings and slaps on the head, which mothers and fathers generously “give” to naughty children.
Why do parents still spank their naughty children? Because this is the easiest way out of the situation.
Judge for yourself, there is no need to look for the reason for a bad deed, there is no need to think about children's emotions, or select other methods of education. I spanked him a couple of times, and it seemed that the conflict was over.
Let's find out what can happen if you constantly use physical punishment towards your baby.
Why can't you spank a child?
You can disagree with psychologists and assure yourself for as long as you like that light spanks and slaps are good for children, that in this simple way they will quickly understand what they can do and what they should refrain from doing. However, this is just self-deception, and here's why.
1. A child learns through imitation
If you regularly spank your child, be prepared for the possibility that he will one day hit you, a sandbox buddy, or a pet.
In this case, your words that “You can’t fight” or “Don’t you dare hit your mom” will have no effect on him. The child will quickly learn that the big can hurt the little, and the strong can hurt the weak.
2. Self-esteem decreases
Children's sense of self is created primarily by their parents.
A small child does not yet understand the cause-and-effect relationship between a spanking and his bad deed.
Slapping a two-year-old baby in your hearts because he broke a car will not teach him to be careful when handling things.
“I was hit, I’m bad and don’t deserve love,” that’s what children think. And with each blow, their self-esteem decreases more and more.
3. The child gets used to spanking
Probably, after the first thrashing, the baby will listen to you and stop being naughty. However, make no mistake, this did not happen because he repented and realized that he had done wrong. The child is simply scared and wants to return your goodwill and love.
If physical punishment has become commonplace, children begin to perceive it as inevitable and do not change their own behavior.
4. Spanking does not teach internal control.
Children who receive “first number” from their parents do not learn to control their actions.
They need approval, a person who would say what is right and what is, accordingly, wrong.
Such children live by the principle: “I won’t do this, otherwise I will be punished.” But it’s much more important ethical standards: “You can’t behave like that, because it’s bad.”
5. Hitting people is a crime.
Physical force is the use of force, that is, an action that is wrong and condemned by any society, and sometimes even criminally punishable.
You won't beat your colleague who did something wrong at work, will you? How is your child different from other people?
6. Writing about your own powerlessness
The main argument of adults is that the child is simply uncontrollable and does not respond to other arguments. However, in this case, the problem is not in the child himself, but in your relationship and inability to cope with children.
By handing out slaps on the head, mom or dad admits to weakness and thereby lowers their authority in the eyes of the child.
This means that children’s provocations will continue.
7. Mistrust of parents
Corporal punishment destroys trusting relationship between family members, affection and love are broken.
Agree, it is difficult to love the person who spanks you.
This method of education is effective only because children are still small and cannot oppose their parents with their own strength. Sometimes childhood grievances are carried over into adult life, making it difficult for grown children and aged mothers and fathers to get along.
8. Decrease in intelligence
Meanwhile, American psychologists conducted a study showing that the level of intelligence among children who are regularly spanked by their parents is significantly lower than that of their “unbeaten” peers.
And discipline and obedience are better in that group of schoolchildren to whom adults are more loyal.
How to resist spanking?
Let's say you realized that you can't spank a child and decide to abandon this unpromising method. But what should we take into service? We offer several useful tips from experienced psychologists.
- You need to learn to negotiate with your baby. Imagine your friend in his place. You wouldn’t spank an adult with a belt because, for example, he disturbs your sleep? You would prefer to leave the room, ask him to leave, explain that you are tired, etc. Try to do the same with your child.
- Don't accumulate negative emotions. Children often bring things to a boil with their pranks. If you tolerate them, don’t voice them and don’t get angry, then in the end everything can end in a spanking. Express your emotions: “Your behavior makes me terribly angry.” By ceasing to accumulate irritation within yourself, you will learn to talk and explain yourself to children, which means that the need for spanking will disappear.
- Look for the problem within yourself. We have already said that spanking is not a child's problem. This is a signal about the psychological distress of the parents. Perhaps you are under stress and do not know how to cope with anger. If you grab your belt too often, the best way out- contact a specialist.
- Don't consider your baby to be an exact copy of you. Sometimes you can hear a parent complain: “I before my father I couldn’t say the right words, but mine don’t listen to me at all!” Mom grew up as an obedient and calm girl, but she gives birth to a child with a difficult character? It’s okay, consult a psychologist, read literature on raising “difficult” children.
- Apologize to your child. Each of us is a living person, and not an ideal being. If you couldn’t contain your irritation, be sure to ask your child for forgiveness for the slap or slap on the head. Tell him that you were angry not at the baby himself, but at his unworthy behavior.
Of course, one article cannot tell you how, if not spanking, to raise a child, instill in him norms of behavior, and stop hysterics and whims.
No parent or educator would ever openly admit to using force on a child for educational purposes. Ask anyone! A baby bursting into tears is easily “rewarded” with a slap on the bottom, without paying any attention to his protests. Is it possible to spank a child on the bottom?
Children are subjected to physical punishment for many actions. In order to show that it is wrong to hit other children, the child is clearly shown how painful it is to be spanked. But parents achieve only the opposite effect. The child concludes that hitting others is allowed, which means he can use violence for his own purposes.
If a child hits another on the playground, then it will be much more effective to deprive the fighter of a walk and take him home. On the way home, have a conversation in which you explain to your child that fighting is bad. Alternatively, encourage your child to express emotions through words rather than physical violence. Be sure to clarify that, no matter what, you still love him.
Don't be so quick to express your anger
Children are unable to control themselves if they are in the heat of the game. Therefore, do not resort to physical punishment for a damaged piece of furniture or a broken trinket. Without shouting or swearing, stop the game and let the child catch his breath and become calm. smooth it out nervous system will come into balance. Let the child sit on the sofa, thinking about his action.
Such a break in play will help the child develop control over his actions. The child’s awareness of his wrongness should be marked with sincere praise. Well, violence on your part will not give such results.
Learn to understand your children
In front of strangers, mothers or fathers are not at all embarrassed to beat their children. On the contrary, they differ in earnest. Demonstrating strength of character gives such parents a boost of vigor and importance. Moreover, the more “spectators”, the more spectacular the performance.
Most often, a child cries not to spite his parents, but because he is tired or wants to eat. Loving mother or a caring dad will not show off in front of people if the causes of the child’s discomfort have not been identified.
But is it possible to spank a child on the bottom in front of strangers? A child who has been publicly punished will not soon forget the injustice of his parents. After all, they rudely pushed him away, did not try to understand his feelings, and did not take his side.
Try to remain calm and not raise your hand to your child while in public. Hurry home, let the familiar surroundings calm you and your child. And what an example of restraint you will show your child!
Depression, fear, anxiety, a feeling of helplessness - all this is experienced by a child if physical measures of education are applied to him. As a result, the baby will begin to show uncontrollable aggression and nervousness. Violence coming from loved ones will make the baby consider himself unworthy of attention.
So, before you decide to physically punish a child, weigh everything a hundred times. First, calm down yourself and talk to your child, try to explain to him about the wrong behavior.
He drives his parents crazy; spanking him is not considered shameful. But, as recent discussions show, bad behavior schoolchildren are also forced by their parents to use physical punishment. Yes, the child is already big, yes, this is not pedagogical - but what to do? This is what French psychologists and parents think on the topic of “to hit or not to hit.”
In October 2013, an event occurred in France that was written and talked about by all the media: a 44-year-old man was sentenced to a fine of 500 euros for taking off his 9-year-old son’s pants and flogging him. She took him to court ex-wife: after the divorce, the boy spent part of his time with his mother, part with his father.
For France, such a sentence is an extraordinary phenomenon: the law punishes cruelty to minors, but spanking on the soft part does not apply to them. But among the French there is no general opinion on this issue: 87% of them have spanked a child at least once, a quarter have given a slap, and 10% even have to use a whip! (According to the Union of European Families, 2007.)
In 1946, 43 years before the adoption of the International Convention on the Rights of the Child, Françoise Dolto wrote: small child cannot be put in a corner, but can be punished with a short blow to the arm or leg, so that it is not the child “as a whole” who is punished, but the “offending part”; if the child is over 8 years old, do not slap or spank him; In no case should you take away a child’s personal belongings as punishment or deprive him of food, especially in public, for example, dessert at the table; never delay punishment: this develops a sense of guilt in the child, instead of freeing the conscience.
To spank or not?
However, many French parents think that a spank on the butt cannot be considered corporal punishment.
Veronica, a mother of two girls (Juliette, 3 years old, and Valentin, 11 months old), admits: “Before the birth of my second child, I was categorically against corporal punishment. I don’t hit children, of course, but sometimes I spank the older one when she makes the little one cry. It’s hard with two children, I’m tired, I don’t have enough time for the eldest, I often lose my temper and spank the girl just automatically. I don’t like this at all, and I would like to find some way out.”
Psychotherapist and author of many books I. Fiyoza comments: “One of the consequences of such spankings is that the child gets the impression that problems can be solved with violence. Children who are spanked by their parents are more aggressive and more likely to have difficulties in school. Psychologists and psychotherapists have long noticed this.
But now we know exactly what is going on in the minds of these children. This is fear and shame. And it also stimulates the amygdala, which is responsible for stress. And the child’s entire body comes into this state. And the child no longer knows how to react to fear. If he is spanked often, he becomes desensitized to this punishment. His fear simply disappears. “You can do whatever you want, I don’t feel anything, I’m not in pain, and I’m not afraid.”
If this happens very rarely, if the parent then asks the child for forgiveness and explains to him (“you ran across the road without looking around, and there was a car there, and I was very scared for you”), it’s not scary. Unless it’s the kind of slap that then makes the child’s head buzz... But if slaps and slaps become regular, the child no longer trusts either his feelings or the parent who spanks him, and this breaks their connection, their affection .
Even the threat of a spanking should be avoided. If you shout “you’ll get it from me now,” the child becomes aggressive, and the parent thinks that the child is provoking him. He thinks: yeah, you really want the belt, so you'll get it. And spanks the child. And the child even feels some relief - after all, he is no longer threatened...”
Did you feel like your hand was ready to slap you in the face? Stop. If the child is already big, leave him and go outside; if he is small, go to the toilet and close the door. The main thing is not to see the child. When you see his scared eyes, signals are sent to your brain, the amygdala is excited, and it must be calmed in order to gain the ability to think. There are many more tricks: inflating a balloon, drinking a glass of water, drinking water through a straw, etc. After all, the problem is that when we start yelling or fighting, we teach the child: if you are angry, then screaming and throwing up your hands is the right thing to do. If we show how we try to cope with emotions, he will learn to keep the situation under control.
It's legal to spank
GP Gilles Lazimi is coordinating a major campaign against corporal punishment of children. He is outraged by the French: “Husbands no longer have the right to beat their wives. Owners of enterprises do not have the right to beat their employees. We have no right to beat up our neighbor. But we have the right to spank own child, which only grows and cannot defend itself!
Dr Lazimi is campaigning for a law to be passed in France banning corporal punishment of children. In 33 countries such laws already exist (among them Ukraine, Kenya, Togo, Tunisia). Sweden was the first to adopt it, in 1979. In 2013, such a law appeared in Honduras.
But the French are stubborn. Of course, the Criminal Code says that beating a child is prohibited. But, according to Pierre-Brice Lebrun, a law professor, “although the law condemns violence, especially against a child - this is an aggravating circumstance, the law does not mention parents. It turns out that the law does not clearly say that parents do not have the right to beat their child. And that’s why the majority believes that they have just this right.”
In 2009, pediatrician and MP Edwige Antje introduced a bill to the National Assembly to ban corporal punishment. “Whom I love, I beat,” the French answered and... unanimously voted against (80% according to a TNS Sofres survey, 2009).
Many scientists believe that this love of spanking has historical roots, since for centuries teachers and parents “corrected” disobedient children with rods. After french revolution, which was perceived by many as an insult to the power of the king - the father of the nation, constituted a new Civil Code. “He gave the pater familias (the head of the family - E.S.) all the rights and made him the guarantor public order, writes history professor Ivan Zhablonka. - The same story in many others Latin countries: they turn a blind eye to violence against children in the name of father’s rights.”
Punishments: what to choose?
If you don't spank, then how can you punish a child? For example, child psychiatrist Frederick Koshman suggests putting him in a corner. The most reasonable number of minutes is the age of the child (4 minutes in the corner if he is 4 years old).
His colleague Gilles-Marie Valet continues the thought: “I do not recommend depriving a child of something that plays a useful role in his development as a punishment. For example, you should not deprive your child of dessert: it is important for a balanced lunch. You should not prohibit sports or hobbies, especially if he loves them very much - this can harm him serious injury. But if he is banned for some time electronic games or TV (neither plays important role in intellectual or cultural development), he will understand his mistake and will not want to repeat it. Punishment is a symbol. His goal is not to hurt the child (physically or mentally), his goal is to show that he did something bad, that the parents do not agree with his action and are upset.”
