Unfortunately, our life is characterized by the presence of many difficulties that cause problems associated with all aspects social relations. As a result, we are increasingly faced with problems in everyday life that are impossible to put up with and that are very difficult to solve.
It’s not uncommon to hear from a friend or just an acquaintance that her boyfriend or husband is a “mama’s boy,” and it’s very difficult to be with him. Who are mama's boys, what should you do if you are trying to build a relationship with such a person?
Despite the seeming ridiculousness of defining such a concept as a “mama’s boy” in the form of a full-fledged psychotype, experts talk about this phenomenon. There is no consensus on the reasons for the formation of this type of personality, however, several basic theories can be identified that will help to better navigate the way of thinking of such a man.
Single-parent family
The most important is the single-parent family, in which there is a complete absence of male influence on the child during upbringing. When a boy is raised only by his mother and grandmother, this has a Negative influence on social attitudes and behavioral stereotypes. He sees how women act, trying to copy similar actions everywhere, getting the wrong direction of psychological development.
Many would argue that the child is surrounded by other men, who are represented by relatives or random playmates - the same children.
A single mother, especially one who lives independently, usually seeks to protect her son from bad things, without understanding what is bad. As a result, children spend months and years walking along the usual “home-school-home” route, unable to break out of the vicious circle.
IN educational institution The “mama’s boy” behaves very quietly, often not understanding the problems that his peers face.
Sometimes it happens that the father is present in the family, but his influence on the child is minimal. He can be a real earner, bringing in money from 2-3 jobs, or, conversely, have a subordinate position without having the right to vote. The result in the second case is much worse - the mummy’s boy sees that dad cannot do anything without his mother’s permission, and prepares himself in advance for such a life.
The father may be removed from upbringing under the pretext that this is a woman's business, and he will ruin everything with his actions. Having resigned himself, he also forms the wrong line of behavior for the child.
Overprotective mother
Another option does not depend on the composition of the family - the boy is only affected by psychological feature mother's character. In childhood, a "mama's boy" is usually subjected to following forms psychological pressure:
- overprotection;
- blackmail;
- aggression.
With the first, everything is clear - excessive care relaxes a person, who leaves his mother to solve all the problems that exist in life for him.
If we talk about blackmail, it is represented by the mother’s imaginary illnesses, her statements that her son’s behavior will quickly send her to the grave - such pressure quickly teaches a mama’s boy to be quiet, inconspicuous and inactive.
There is also not much to say about aggression - rudeness, shouting, physical violence inflict young consciousness real injuries that are much more difficult to heal than physical ones.
There are many options and conditions under which a “mama’s boy” develops, but the result is the same. In adult life You end up with a man who is socially inactive - he does not know how to properly conduct relationships, cannot properly organize his activities, and, often, finds solace in the small world of his hobbies.
When problems arise, he strives to provide solutions to his mother, and tries to be closer to her. In relationships with women, a “mama’s boy” always compares them with the person who has such a great influence on him, which often causes a lot of conflicts and disagreements.
How to recognize such a character?
Despite the apparent difficulty in determining a person’s psychotype, it is quite simple to see a “mama’s boy” in advance if you use indirect signs.
http://youtu.be/3BWkuSVIIPk
The first, and most important, is his conversation. Keep track of who he is talking about and in what context - such men usually do not mention their mother out of place - especially when they give examples from own life. In fact, the mother is a kind of standard that they use for comparison. You can try to keep the conversation about your mother going by directing the topic in this direction - a real “mama’s boy” will immediately lay out a thousand details, not forgetting to colorfully describe her advantages.
If you are in a close relationship, look at his place of residence. He may not live with his parents, but his mother's presence will always be felt. The most important parameter is the wardrobe - look at what is in the man's closet, and then offer to look at a fashion catalog or show him a website for stylish clothes. If a person’s taste preferences do not coincide with his current appearance, then there is a high probability that his mother buys new things for him, and he does not dare deviate from the course set by her.
The refrigerator will give a lot of information - a large number of homemade dishes, the fullness of the space will allow you to say with confidence that in front of you is a “mama’s boy” who copies the home line of behavior or simply eats dishes prepared by his mother.
While in society, put him before a serious choice, ask him to do something that is obviously unpleasant - for example, in a cafe, ask the waiter to replace the dish under the pretext that he didn’t like it.
A man who grew up in an environment of total control or overprotection will most likely refuse to do this, finding a thousand excuses. If you put it before the need, he will mumble or pretend that he has fulfilled your request and convey a fictitious refusal.
“Mama's boys” quite often behave capriciously, demanding a lot of attention, and also tries to tie the woman he likes to himself.
Remember that at the stage of courtship and romantic meetings, no one has obligations to another person - an adult, confident, accomplished man will be calm about your independent pastime, and will not throw tantrums about going to a bar with his girlfriends.
What are the prospects?
The worst thing that can happen is that you get an adult child who is actually a “mama's boy.” He will not become a full-fledged head of the family, and will not play the role of a male breadwinner. You'll have to accept that you'll have to do it most functions that are usually assigned to both spouses and to independently raise children.
You may find that a man will be completely antisocial - he won’t want to go on a trip, won’t take you to a restaurant, or night club, will not go to a friendly party. It is precisely “mama’s boys” who are most likely to develop a painful addiction, which can be alcohol, gambling or computer games.
Sometimes a change of environment has a positive effect on people similar type character - having fallen under the influence of another woman, less strict and demanding than their mother, they liberate and change their social role. Early age will contribute to the most simplified adaptation - at 20 years old everything will go much faster and more efficiently than at 30.
However, one cannot expect that the change will be complete and comprehensive - the “mama’s boy” will not become a protector capable of completely freeing his wife from the need to solve life’s problems. At best, you will have to do everything equally.
There is another problem that will concern the continuation of the relationship between a mama's boy and his mother. You will have to endure daily conversations on the phone, which can last for half an hour, and concern such problems as the nutrition of your beloved child and the functioning of his body.
Mom, if she lives nearby, can visit to make sure that her son is not in danger. If she finds a reason for a scandal, then you cannot avoid a many-year war in which men will also be involved. The main question will remain which side the man will take and what he will try to do to resolve the conflict.
If open confrontation can be avoided, you will have to solve another difficulty - the “mama’s boy” will consult with his mother, receiving absolutely clear instructions, which with a very high degree of probability will not take your interests into account.
All that remains is to start a conflict on your own, which can be used by your mother as an argument against you, or come to terms with such an inferior position. This can apply to all aspects life together- from nutrition to the decision to have a child.
What to do?
Here you will have to solve two main questions at once - how important a person is to you, and how much he can change. If you feel that the relationship will eventually exhaust you and only lead to an accumulation of problems and nervous disorders, then you should think about it - do you really need them? When you decide to pursue your goal to the end, you need to act gently and carefully.
http://youtu.be/n62oDqmiqcc
« Sissy"doesn't want to solve real problems life problems? We need to create a situation where he will be forced to do this. Entrust him with deciding matters regarding housing, utilities, etc. - the man will gradually socialize, forming behavioral stereotypes when performing certain work.
Discuss the conditions of your life together - an adult must understand that if you are strong and independent, he will not be able to lie on the couch, taking advantage of your merits. The vital needs of the family must be resolved by allocating money from the general budget, and everyone must earn their own wishes.
The main thing you have to do is improve your relationship with your mother. A man should see that she approves of you and is not against the relationship - he will transfer some of the control functions from his mother to his life partner, and this share will gradually grow. When the mother's power over her son remains the dominant factor determining his behavior, try to establish a three-way dialogue.
You must let your mother's boy understand that he is not a little boy who does not know how to make decisions on his own, and his mother must understand the need to lead an independent life without psychological pressure.
I don’t know if men have ever come into your life about whom you could say they were a mama’s boy?
There is no room for another woman in the space of these men. They are “married” to their mother. You will never be able to dethrone the “mistress” of your chosen one.
Women are often attracted to soft and good men. Especially when you are tired of constant loneliness. After all, you really want to feel the warmth of the family hearth. I would like to see a faithful and gentle spouse next to me.
And then a woman meets such a sweet and good... boy of indeterminate age, for whom stone wall his mother is standing. How to recognize this type of man right away, how to recognize a mama's boy?
Signs of a Mama's Boy
1. As a rule, such men live with their mother for a long time - up to 30-40 years. On the one hand, this is very convenient for them: they don’t need to worry about everyday life, take responsibility for their lives, mom will always prepare her favorite dishes, will be happy to please her child, and is ready to listen and give advice. On the other hand, they cannot leave their mother alone.
2. If his mother calls him during a date and says that she’s not feeling very well, then without hesitation he will leave you and run home. Mom is sacred.
3. When talking to your mama’s boy, you will often hear the word “mom”. “And mom thinks”, “And mom thinks”, “And mom said”, “And mom...”. In his stories, the mother is always the heroine. And you will feel it immediately.
4. Such a man is very sensitive to female pressure. As soon as it seems to him that a woman wants to get him, he will get scared. He is not ready to completely emotionally belong to his partner. These men are very dependent on and influenced by their mothers, and hence there is no room in their space for another woman. They are “married” to their mother.
5. In relations with their mother, such men do not necessarily have a streak of love, but from time to time a streak of love can be replaced by a surge of irritation and anger. These good boys they try to please their mother in everything, but because constant stress and worries one day do something wrong, because in the depths of their psyche there is a need to relieve tension, to quarrel. Conflicts can be very serious, up to the desire to leave home and start living independently. But usually after 3-4 days the man’s mood changes and everything returns to normal. And the impossibility of leaving becomes obvious; factors such as:
- reluctance to lose familiar comfort;
- feeling of guilt for the loneliness of the mother;
- unresolved housing and material issues.
In a word, there is always something that keeps a mama’s boy near his mother.
Psychological portrait of a good boy
As a rule, mama's boys are men who are able to support and protect their home. They know how to take care of the family, and, despite the fact that their mother does almost everything for them, they are able to run a household no worse than a woman. They know how to count money, choose things thoughtfully, and all their purchases are practical. In all their actions they are focused on praise and approval. They take criticism very seriously.
Good boys are raised by mothers to be gentlemen. They have correct presentation about life, they are instilled with vital and family values. After all, the mother raised her son for herself!
And, of course, they respect their mother very much. Such men are subconsciously afraid of active women. They see them as predatory sharks encroaching on their freedom. They are so afraid of getting caught female influence that they are suspicious of the very idea of close relationships and marriage. In their souls, they are not aware of the maternal influence on their lives, and it seems to them that they are quite free. Although it is the unconscious experience of a suffocating connection with their mother that causes them to fear enormous female power. And most importantly, they are not able to resist it.
A man can have a good relationship with his mother, openly show his fear and tender feelings for her and at the same time be stubborn and resist her will.
- Mom, I’ll come home late today.
- Son, where are you going?
— I’m going to the cinema today with a girl.
- Certainly go. I hope I don't have a heart attack tonight
- What is it, mom?
“Yes, yesterday, something hurt so bad before I went to bed.”
- Well, you, mom, if anything happens, call.
And he will definitely call. In the middle of a date. And the son will leave the girl and run to save his mother from a heart attack.
Good boys can sometimesopenly express their dissatisfaction with their mother, but nevertheless they still care about her and show concern. In fact, the son plays the role of husband (beloved man) in a woman’s life. What scares him most is becoming bad in his mother’s eyes, offending her. But sometimes opposite tendencies can also appear.
Psychological portrait of the mother of a mama's boy
Such women never had a life of their own. The meaning of their existence is their son. As a rule, these mothers, without hesitation, will sacrifice an interesting job and career for the sake of their sons. Often these are women who have failed to build personal happiness. They live alone, and even if they have a husband, his word has no weight or authority in the family. This is a man whom his wife completely suppressed and pushed into the farthest corner. And the son, without realizing it, adopts his mother’s attitude towards his father. This is another reason for the lack of masculinity in the character of mama's boys and the fear of family life- he doesn’t want to be as depressed as his father.
The mother never had an emotional connection with her husband. She directed all her love and tenderness towards her son. Having raised him according to her standards, she eventually got the man of her dreams. Caring and loving, for whom the only goal in life is to please his mother.
Lack of girlfriends interesting work and personal life leads to the fact that the son becomes the center of the mother’s life. And although in words she wishes him happiness and even makes attempts to introduce him to women, deep down in her heart she will never want to give him to another woman. As soon as she feels that their closeness and soul connection are under threat, she will do everything to ensure that everything remains the same. She will start to get sick, attracting her son's attention. All sorts of stories will begin to happen to her. She will hint to her son that this woman is not a match for him. She, like a tigress, will defend her right to own it.
In fact, these are deeply unhappy women, filled with selfishness, whose only goal is to keep their son near them. They look like Snow Queen, who lured Kai into her ice palace.
What awaits a woman with a mama's boy?
First of all, you need to understand that you will never be able to dethrone the “mistress” of your chosen one. She has always been and will be his only woman. And woe to you if you cannot make friends with his mother and get her as your ally. But this will not be easy to do. Because she is not going to share her son with you. For her, you will always be the wrong woman for him. You will never be caring enough loving wife and a bad housewife.
Unfair attacks and accusations will be constant, and the most offensive thing will be that your husband will never take your side or protect you. And if you begin to scold his mother, then in his eyes you will turn into an enemy, with whom, having united with his mother, he will begin to fight.
Sometimes, of course, a good son can kick up and quarrel with his mother. Then he may come to you and start complaining about her. And you will have hope for your husband’s return to your family. But in a few days everything will return to normal.
If you still want to live with such a man, then you need to give up the fight with his mother for the right to possess him. You will have to recognize her as the mistress of your family. And you will live by its rules. And if you resist, sooner or later she will divorce you from your husband. She will try to turn him against you.
You must be a very confident woman, self-sufficient and comfortable with not being your husband's first priority. You need to accept your secondary role in the family. And this is difficult to do. This is a rather painful lesson that not everyone can learn. And is it necessary? You decide.
Another thing is that you may have a question, why did a man come into your life who was “married” to another woman? Why did you become a member? And why do you need to fight for the right to be the only one and loved?
Do you want to find woman's happiness and stop fighting for love? Start with a 2-month course: " "
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
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12.07.2013 23:42 |
Previously, the phrase “Mama's boy” evoked an association with a certain wimp or nerd who could not stand up for himself and punch his neighbor in the nose. But as practice shows, not everything is so simple. You can work side by side with him for eternity, but still not consider the MC in this two-meter handsome man.
Everyone has heard this phrase. But many people associate it with a modest schoolboy whose mother does not let him go to the school disco or with a young nerd who flips through a boring book instead of football. But the sad statistics are as inexorable as time. The number of such men is growing every year. More and more often you hear from women:
- I would never have thought in my life that this over-aged guy was MS!
- Well, how?! How? How can a two-meter, 120-kilogram adult man be an MS?!
- I couldn’t even imagine this. It would seem that he is an intelligent and educated man who runs a serious company and:(((((((((
And only sobs and sobs.
There are many sad stories. And what’s even sadder is that hundreds of men disappear in their mother’s arms, instead of creating a family, raising children, and living a full and normal life.
Mama's boy and his main signs
It is difficult to recognize it at first. How did you understand that neither education, nor upbringing, nor age, nor style, nor size, nor strength of character, nor horoscope, nor many “no” will tell you that a man belongs to this type.
The main task is to recognize it in time and, if possible, stay in friendly relations, without bringing them to love. Re-educating him is a one in 100 chance. Usually it ends in ruin nervous system girls, poor health, many financial expenses, divorce and children in their arms, not to mention the status of an “enemy of the people.”
This is not a panacea, but still clues to their recognition:
1. APPEARANCE
Often these men are quite well-groomed. There is nothing wrong. It’s very good when a man can iron out the creases on his trousers himself, takes care of himself, has his own taste and style. But sometimes it may indicate:
- metrosexual (A man obsessed with his appearance. For example, he may be obsessed with his forelock and will never leave the house or have sex without looking in the mirror)
- a pedant (a fighter for ideal cleanliness. And a small speck of salt on his shoe will cause terrible hysteria)
- Mama's boy.
The difference is that, unlike other men, his mother does everything for him. Mom won’t let 32-year-old Peter leave the house until she irons his socks, puts a clean shirt on him, combs his hair, and changes his panties. Yes, yes, and this happens these days. A wardrobe update is never complete without mom. It’s one thing if this happens or you need help choosing a coat or wedding suit, but it’s another thing when every little thing is chosen with your mother.
So if your relationship is progressing and you are in doubt - admire him appearance, neatness, cleanliness and try to unobtrusively find out who has such chic taste, who is really so neat and well-groomed, who chooses ties so well, etc.
2. MOTHER’S WORD IS THE LAW!
The thing is that often affected women observed situations where a man changed all his plans because of his mother. The decision about where, what and how a man will do is made by the mother. Yes, there are times when mom becomes ill. And if a man allows himself to leave his mother in a pre-stroke state for a walk under the chestnut trees, then this may be a bad signal that speaks of his callousness, selfishness, dishonesty, and irresponsibility. And in the future he will be able to do the same with you.
BUT! For mama's boys, their mother "dies" regularly. He may not give a damn about theater tickets when one of the light bulbs in his room burned out. And she can't embroider today. This light bulb can't wait until tomorrow.
- “Just think about it! He infected me venereal disease! When I left the gynecologist in hysterics, hearing that I would most likely be infertile and not be able to have children, my husband just sighed heavily!” said Olya.
- So aren’t we going to go sunbathe and fish at the dacha?
- Vasya, are you crazy?! How can I go to the dacha in this state? I’m hysterical and I can’t calm down, I can’t pull myself together. Obviously your parents will ask what happened! You propose to say that they raised an idiot who, even if he walks to the left, even at 24 does not think with his head and does not know how to protect himself!
- Okay, I’ll call my mother back now and tell her that we won’t come.
- Of course call!
- Olya! Olenka! You can’t even imagine how upset my mother was when I told her that we couldn’t come because of you!
According to Olya, her tears dried up in shock. The fact that the trip to the dacha, where nothing but currant bushes grew, upset him much more than the possible infertility of his wife even at 20 years old... He squeaked it in such a plaintive voice that it seemed that he was about to cry from grief. Olya clenched her hands into fists and for a minute mentally repeated to herself that she was PHLEGMATIC-sanguine, doing everything possible with herself so as not to scratch his face and break his nose...
so, dear ladies, pay attention to your missed dates, his plans (whether he is ready to change them for your sake), etc.
Ira was very upset. She was a good cook. Her soul rejoiced when she saw her father-in-law at his table, devouring her cabbage rolls. How nice it was to hear words of praise addressed to you from a man. It turned out that she reminded him of his youth and was the first in 30 years to treat him to cabbage rolls again. After the holiday, the whole pot went home to Volodya’s dad. After all, what can I say: whatever you cook for Vovka, he always grumbles. He won’t eat cabbage rolls because they contain shredded carrots. Cauliflower- poison, because his mother boils it and puts it in a frying pan for a second, and Irka boils it and fries it in eggs. Olivier can be poisoned, because his mother puts more cucumbers and less eggs. And you can’t explain to him that these are not improperly prepared dishes. That Ira also has her mother, who taught her to cook. Each housewife has her own recipes. It all ended simply - with a pie in the toilet, and then a frying pan with fried potatoes on Vovka's head - the potatoes were not the same as her mother's...
4. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE
Of course, every mother should be prudent. You understand, now there are a lot of scammers, thieves, swindlers, etc.
But be careful. Often, if a man blames all previous women, sees each as an insidious predator, his mother complains about how some viper tried to fool her son, again pointing to the MS. Such men are instilled with “misogyny” from childhood. Mom consciously or unconsciously teaches him to disrespect women. A man is immediately accustomed to the idea that anyone (even the owner of her own square meters) is trying to take possession of her privatized apartment. And don’t expect that these accusations of theft will pass you by. If you see a man who is very critical of women, and especially if you know that his mother holds the same position, run.
- “Nastya, I’ll tell you a secret,” I heard from his relative, “he raised his hand to his ex-girlfriend. She was constantly bruised. And she was an orphan. HER father did not pay attention, and she hid it. When my mother went to his mother, she heard in response that if her son beats a girl, then there is a reason."
His mother will never pay attention to the fact that only a moral monster can raise his hand against a girl, especially one who has no one to protect. For his mother, Svetka is a whore! And this is the main thing, although it has not been proven. Just think - I was jealous. He hits, it means he loves...
Perhaps there is hardly a single girl who does not periodically think about how her mother is doing, how she is doing. It's the same with men. Mothers are the first women they encounter in their lives. This is their first love. By watching their mother, they learn a lot about women. Moms help shape. If a mother is too close to her baby, or, on the contrary, is too far from him psychologically, then the man will have problems. So what is it psychology mama's boy, and by what signs can one recognize him among others? All you have to do is pay close attention, listen and pay attention to their relationship.
Sign 1. Constant contact
If a guy talks on the phone with his mom every day, about absolutely nothing, and ends up spending much more time with her than with his wife or partner, then there is reason to think about, because. this is exactly him! You will always have to deal with the fact that mom remains first. He will leave the cinema if mom needs help carrying a bag from the store, and run away at night at the climax if mom is not feeling well. There are three options: fight with mom, put up with mom, or just leave first.
Sign 2. No contact
If a guy never, ever, ever talks to his mom and tries not to keep in touch with her, then he has problems too. Everyone is used to it psychology of a mama's boy implies affection for each other. However, the boy may have other problems with his mother. Perhaps she is in prison for drug trafficking or traveling around the world with her dad or lover. Or something else? You should definitely find out everything. If he doesn't talk to her or maintain a relationship with her, you need to find out everything about him. ex-girlfriends. If all the girlfriends were bad, then such a man is simply a misogynist. Regardless of how charming he seems at first glance. He has a very serious problems. And if he always speaks disparagingly about women, then it’s time to put on his sneakers and run wherever his eyes look.
Sign 3. Thank you
If a man, having received help from his mother, always thanks her for it, this does not indicate psychology of mama's boy. Most likely he is just grateful. This means that he will do the same with other women. However, sometimes such men will always expect decisive action from women. That is, he is used to: if something goes wrong, . And his wife should do the same. By the way, if a man does not respect his mother, then he will not respect any woman in the world. Conclusion: he first of all does not respect himself.
Sign 4. Whining
If a man constantly, without stopping, talks in a whining voice about his many relatives and their problems, regularly throws mud at them, where is the guarantee that behind his girlfriend’s back he will not throw mud at her too. No one is perfect, but that doesn't mean everyone is imperfect 
loved one subject to immediate discussion. Nobody wants to communicate with an eternal whiner who is dissatisfied with others. As for the mother, most likely, she turned herself inside out to make her son happy, but he never became happy.
Sign 5. Not my fault
If a guy blames everything that has ever gone wrong in his life: the role of a tree in school theatrical production, the impossibility of traveling abroad with classmates is not enough high level education, bad job, your parents, especially your mother, should stay away from him. He does not take responsibility in life. And no mother in her right mind would run after her son until he is 40 and take care of him. social status and digestion. Most likely, he really is a tree. And mom is not a fairy with a magic wand.
