How to get rid of anger. Effective tricks to quickly get rid of anger and irritability

Anger can eat you up inside and slowly destroy your life. While anger is a natural emotion and a healthy response, it is dangerous to give in to it. You must learn to let it go for yourself. Here are some tips on exactly how to do it.

Steps

Part 1

Basic Steps

Understand anger. Existing for a long period of time, anger becomes an emotion that hurts the person experiencing it more than the person or people at whom it is directed. Anger often comes out when someone wants to avoid feeling hurt about a situation, but that anger can only end up hurting him or her more.

Find the root of your anger. Find out what specifically hurts you. Only by identifying the loss or underlying problem can you confront it and let it go.

• For example, if your spouse cheated on you or left you, naturally you would be angry. The feeling of loss that you are experiencing is most likely due to the loss of the feeling that you are loved, appreciated and respected.
• As another example, if you feel angry after a friend has betrayed you, the loss that leads you to sadness and anger is the loss of friendship and camaraderie. The more important this feeling of friendship was to you, the greater your loss will be, and the greater your anger will be.

1. Allow yourself to grieve. Because anger is often a mask to hide pain, take that mask off when you are alone and allow yourself to grieve that pain or loss without feeling guilty or weak about it.

   • Denying your grief is not strength, although many mistakenly believe that experiencing grief and sadness is a sign of weakness. When something upsetting happens, there is no real point in denying how much pain it causes you. The pain will not go away just because you refuse to acknowledge it. In any case, the pain will remain longer if preserved inside.
   • Instead of saying "I'm fine," acknowledge "I'm suffering." In the long run, this acceptance will help relieve pain and anger more effectively than rejection.

2. Replace resentment with sympathy. Another way may be to try to put yourself in the place of another. Consider reasons for such actions that the abuser might have. You may never fully understand someone else's motives, or you may agree with them after accepting them, but it will be easier for you to stop being angry at someone after you spend a little time in his or her head.

   • People rarely hurt others without hurting themselves in some way. Negativity spreads like a disease, and if you've caught someone else's negativity, it's likely that the person caught it from someone else before.

3. Sorry. This does not mean that you should accept, respect, or forgive the offense that caused your anger. In this sense, forgiveness only means making a conscious decision to let go of resentment and desire for revenge on the person who did you wrong.

   • Realize that forgiving someone cannot push the other side to change their behavior. The purpose of forgiveness in this sense is to cleanse yourself of the anger and resentment that builds up within you. Forgiveness for one's own benefit is an internal necessity, not an external one.
   • Forgiveness can help you build healthy relationships, go out for more high level spiritual and psychological well-being, reduce stress and anxiety, reduce blood pressure, reduce symptoms of depression and reduce the risk of alcohol or drug abuse.

   Part 2

   Approaching anger on a personal level

   1. Look more optimistic. Remember that there is no bad without good. Even though the situation that triggered your anger may be extremely negative, there may be several good points or side effects that are actually beneficial for you. Identify them and grab onto them to help you deal with the situation.

      • In particular, consider any ways your pain has helped you grow as a person. If that doesn't work, reflect on what your pain has put you on. new way leading to good things that you might not have experienced by skipping this path entirely.
      • If you cannot find positive sides unpleasant situation, look at other good things in your life and other things you can be grateful for.

   2. Write a letter or journal. If you keep a diary or journal, write about your anger as often as necessary to help you release it. If you don't have a journal, you can write an angry letter to the person who initiated your anger to vent your emotions. But don't send it.

      • Sending an email is almost always a bad idea. Even if you worded it as politely as possible, the other party is likely to take it badly, especially if he or she is suffering from low self-esteem or other personal pain.
      • Ideally, you should write a letter, read it aloud, and tear it up or burn it as a form of symbolic release.

   3. Scream. There are times when a person feels so angry that he or she feels like screaming. If you're experiencing this kind of anger right now, stop reading and scream into your pillow. The scream gives you physical release. The mind and body are connected, so by physically releasing your anger, you can also help ease some mental emotions.

      • As a word of caution, you should make sure your scream is well muffled by a pillow to avoid disturbing the neighbors.

   4. Train. Like yelling, exercise provides a physical release from your anger. If you are not a big fan exercise, you can still start small by walking more.

      • This works best when you manage to find the type of exercise you enjoy. Take a stroll in the picturesque park, take a dip in the refreshing water, or toss a couple of balls into the basket.

   5. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When memories of past anger start to surface, quickly replace that thought with something positive to prevent the mood from getting worse.

      • You can remember something good in the past, think about something exciting ahead, or think big and daydream.
      • Although, as a rule, you will want to not think about things related to the one who hurt you, even if these thoughts are positive. Remembering how it was, you can increase the pain of how things turned out, only increasing your anger as a result.

   6. Literally throw it away. If a lot of the details of a given situation upset you, you can find something symbolic to represent those components of your anger before throwing them away.

   7. Find your hobby. Sometimes it's better to help heal from negative emotions like anger, a positive hobby that you really want to invest in.

      • If you don't already have a hobby, try a few different ones. Take a class in painting, cooking, knitting, or any other potential hobby that grabs your attention.

   Part 3

   Approach to anger spiritual level

   1. Pray. If you believe in God, pray for strength of mind and willingness to let go of your anger. When you can't let go of your anger on your own, asking for divine help can help soften your heart enough to release your anger.

      • If you can't find the words to express your anger and pain while praying, you can also look online and in prayer books for pre-written prayers that describe exactly how you feel.

   2. Meditate. Whether you adhere to any particular faith or not, meditation is in a good way to stabilize your body, mind and soul. There are many types of meditation you can try, so choose what works best for you and your needs.

      • When learning to meditate for the first time, choose a basic meditation program and create a soothing space for yourself, but not so relaxing that you fall asleep during your meditation exercises.

   3. Turn to your faith. Again, if you believe in a higher power, relying on this higher power looking for strength to overcome anger and resentment can be a successful idea.

      • In particular, if you believe in God, and also that God loves and takes an active part in the process human history, release your negativity and realize that God has a purpose for your pain and he has not abandoned you.
      • Consult with the religious leader at your worship center or others who share your faith for support and guidance. Read Bible texts or spiritual books written on the subject of anger and forgiveness.

Stressful situations that surround us everywhere provoke negative emotions. To fight back emotional tension that destroys not only nerve cells, but also the whole body, the following techniques will help to get rid of negativity.

Envy, anger and resentment are feelings inherent in even the most meek and sympathetic people. However, the impact that negative emotions have must be stopped immediately. Not every person can just take and get rid of emotional stress, but anyone can replace thoughts with positive ones. That is why positive thinking is the most The best way, which helps to get rid of stressful situations and stop the growth of negativity, switching from emotions to a sober solution to a conflict situation.

We get rid of anger, envy and resentment

It is impossible to completely get rid of negative thoughts and emotions. But they can be vented, replaced or overcome. People know easy way aimed at liberation from experiences - entertainment. However, in severe stressful situations, its positive effect is negligible. In rare cases, recreational activities have the opposite effect, knocking the ground out from under your feet. Scientists in the field of bioenergy have identified 5 effective ways, relieving negative emotions, returning harmony and former cheerfulness to a person.

1. Unleash your feelings

It is very important to allow yourself to experience negative emotions without suppressing them. In any case, whatever your experiences, do not be ashamed of them and do not forbid to feel what you feel. Even if it's unworthy. It is known that happiness and anger are the same emotions, the difference is only in the internal limitation.

Try to express your emotions. For example, you can beat a pillow while imagining the face of your enemy. If this practice is not for you, then there is another wonderful method - to shout that there are forces. To do this, it is advisable to retire or close in the car and start screaming at the top of your lungs about what torments your soul. There is another alternative: write an angry letter, putting all your accumulated emotions into each letter, and then burn it.

2. Do not accumulate negative emotions

4. Get rid of energy blocks and anxiety

Exercises that get rid of energy blocks will help you return to a state of harmony and peace of mind in any stressful situation. In a moment of rage, envy or resentment, try to free yourself from thoughts. Relax your entire body, especially your facial muscles. For a moment, feel how the weight of resentment and misunderstanding begins to leave your body. At this moment, focus your attention on the corners of the lips, which should form a slight smile. Try to feel how your lips stretch into a slightly noticeable smile, and a feeling of happiness appears in your whole body.

5. Revenge for good

If negative emotions do not let you go, but only intensify every day, covering you with your head, then even in this situation you can find benefits and benefits. Take and repay your offender, only in a positive way. The best revenge- this is your personal happiness and successful life. Think in a positive way, bring joy to people, and you will not pay attention to how quickly you will achieve tremendous results, crowding out all the negativity.

It is impossible to get rid of the feeling of anger and resentment, constantly taking revenge on your enemy, just as it will not be possible to force out envy, living with it in the heart. You cannot resolve an internal conflict by accumulating negativity. Attract positive emotions, give free rein to feelings, strive for joy, well-being and happiness. Only then will you see all negative emotions disappear from your life. We wish you good mood, success, and don't forget to press the buttons and

Your child again spilled the soup on the floor, the subordinate once again did not understand the task, the spouse returned home late. Anger instantly boils in you, you want to tear and throw, say a bunch of nasty things to the culprit. And then do not remember what you said and burn with shame for your behavior ... After all, you could have done something differently?

In psychology, anger refers to the emotional arousal of an aggressive direction. In other words, anger prepares our body for a different behavior in order to eliminate the injustice that has appeared before you. It would seem that the situation is not so terrible and dangerous, but where do such outbursts of anger come from? Let's figure it out.

Reasons for anger

Wounded selfishness. It seems to many people that in this or that situation the offender deliberately hurts their pride with words or behavior, which causes great pain. In this case, there is a desire to take revenge on him: "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."

Feeling of powerlessness. If you break down on a child, perhaps events have accumulated in your soul in which you constantly felt slighted, could not or were afraid to object (for example, to your parents, boss, spouse). Subordinating a child to your will is much easier than an evil boss.

Loading with aggression and trying to direct it in a "safe" direction. If you are ready to take it out on the virtually innocent: spouse, parents, children, other relatives, or even animals, this means that you have “recharged” with aggression at work or in any other aggressive place, and are trying to direct your aggression to a safer, and possibly , defenseless channel. For example, a child is small, he will not dare to be rude in response, and an old grandmother is so used to enduring nit-picking in silence ... Here you should not forget about the “boomerang” effect - everything bad comes back in a multiply enhanced version ...

Trying to defend your opinion. If you find yourself suddenly exploding in response to your lungs criticisms colleagues, spouse, friends, this means that subconsciously you are trying to defend your opinion in front of all the people with whom you once wanted to argue - educators, teachers, parents, past bosses, etc.

The disadvantages of anger are that you risk failing important projects and deeds, and most importantly, losing the trust and respect of people close to you. No wonder they say "The word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you won't catch it."

How to conquer anger?

How to deal with it? Here are 10 ways to deal with anger:

1. Constructive expression. In no case should you stifle your anger and your discontent. In one of the episodes we talked about psychosomatic illnesses that are the result of pent-up emotions. How then to proceed? We live in a cultural society, therefore, it is worth learning to find adequate words to express our anger. For example, “I am very uncomfortable right now. Let's postpone this conversation so as not to tell each other too much" or "I am upset / offended / angry / not satisfied with this situation.

What can we do now?

2. An imaginary enemy. This method came to us from the West. Western psychologists in firms formed detente rooms where they could beat dolls symbolizing bosses, paint their photographs, and so on. Interesting, but it looks like black magic. If it bothers you this way try a simpler one. Retire in the office and arrange for yourself a workout - portray a boxer: clench your hands into fists and inflict a few “strong” blows on an imaginary opponent. If you don’t feel like fighting, you can imagine the offender in a funny situation - falling into a snowdrift, spilling soup with tomatoes on himself, receiving a fat deuce cut out of velvet paper from the teacher.

3. Photo of a screamer. If you notice frequent outbursts of anger behind you, put a photo of an unpleasantly yelling person on the table and try not to be like him.

4. Letter to the offender. Take a sheet of paper, or even better - a notebook and write to him everything that came to your mind and more. You need to write in detail and to such an extent that you no longer know what else to write. Then read it, calm down, tear it up and throw it away.

5. Behavior management:

• Watch for signs of anger. Watch your symptoms of anger. How do they look? Maybe the blood rushes to the face, the heartbeat / pulse quickens, breathing becomes difficult, or there is tension in the shoulder girdle, hands? Find in yourself that last drop”, which overwhelms the thicket of patience, followed by an explosion of anger.

• Avoiding a stressful situation. As soon as you feel the “last” sign of anger, you should exit the game by telling your interlocutor something like this: “I got too angry/nervous, I need to leave for a while. Let's continue our conversation later." This will not be an escape, you warned the interlocutor in advance. After you have left the room / office, calmed down and returned, you should not act as if nothing happened. And this situation should be designated: “I just got very angry for nothing, you have nothing to do with it, I’m sorry for that” or “I just got very angry because this situation annoys me / this person’s behavior is completely unacceptable / the current situation puts the work of the entire enterprise at risk ".

6. Rest. If work or other activity requires maximum effort from you, you should establish a daily routine where you should devote proper time to proper rest: go to bed early, take a walk during your lunch break, devote weekends to your favorite business - trips to nature, cooking your favorite dish, doing a hobby. If there are a lot of household chores on the weekend, correctly distribute them among all family members.

7. Sports. No matter how trite it may sound, but exercise stress correctly distributes our indefatigable energy and charges us with positive. Choose for yourself pleasant sports (fitness, shaping, yoga, fitness equipment, dancing, swimming) and the result will not be long in coming.

8. Breathing exercises. In a situation of impending anger, use breathing exercises. Inhale deeply, hold your breath for 2 seconds, repeat 10 times.

9. Calming agents. You can take tinctures of valerian, motherwort, hawthorn, a sedative collection or water procedures(contrast baths, cool showers).

10. Someone else's anger. If you have been subjected to the wrath of another person, act according to the situation. Distract him - ask the interlocutor for a glass of water, drop the pencil, then transfer the conversation to another topic. In some of the situations, you can directly explain: “When they raise their voices at me, I don’t understand anything. Let's talk calmly. It is very important for me to know that you do not like it so much.

How do you deal with anger - or readers' opinions

Alexandra, 28 years old

There are people who can easily deal with anger and anger. But there are those who can't do it. Here are a few options: 1. Imagine something pleasant, remember happy moments from your life.

2. Do something to distract you (washing dishes, cleaning, cooking).

3. You can go to the store and please yourself with something, if possible.

Dmitry, 30 years old

I usually walk away from the person or situation that makes me angry. Or I can take the player, put on the headphones and turn on the music that I like to the fullest.

Choose the option that you like and try not to think about the bad.

One young man had a very bad temper.One day his father gave him a bag of nails and told him to drive one nail into a fence post every time he could not contain his anger.

On the first day, there were several dozen nails in the fence. A week later, the young man learned to restrain himself, and every day the number of nails driven into the pole began to decrease. The young man realized that controlling his temper is easier than driving nails. At last the day came when he never once lost his composure. He told his father about this, and he said that from that day on, every time his son managed to restrain himself, he could pull one nail out of the post.

Time passed, and the day came when the young man could tell his father that not a single nail was left in the post.

Then the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence:

- You did a good job, but do you see how many holes there are in the column? He will never be the same again. When you say something evil to a person, he leaves the same scar in his soul as these holes.

And indeed, nothing complicates life like anger. However, even knowing this, anger and irritation can sometimes be difficult to contain. If the wick has already become short, then there is too little time left for reflection before the explosion. If unbridled anger is causing you problems, take the reins into your own hands.

Anger harms not only others, but, above all, the one who experiences it.. Whatever the reason for the storm of passions, the body of an angry person experiences tremendous stress. If this happens from time to time, then favorable conditions are created for the occurrence of cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. As they say, if you kick a stone in anger, then guess who will be hurt?

According to the traditional Chinese medicine, anger - the cause of the growth of qi, which leads to reddening of the face and red eyes, headaches, dizziness. In the long run, anger contributes to the stagnation of qi in the liver. This can lead to depression or impaired menstrual cycle.

Anger not only destroys health, but also spoils relationships. Anger overshadows rational thinking, causing people to forget about human nature. Therefore, quite often you can notice that after an outburst of emotions, a person experiences repentance. If a person is often angry, he should also come to terms with the idea that he will not hear real arguments from people. Nobody will tell him true opinion because he doesn't want problems.

In other words, anger is the worst companion under any circumstances. For those who understand this, there is only a matter of getting rid of anger. Of course, if anger has become a habit, it will not be easy to do so.

Patience, just patience

Someone thinks that emotions cannot be kept in oneself. In other words, anger must be released to make it easier. You can break into a scream. I have not seen people who helped themselves in this way. On the contrary, it only makes matters worse. If anger does arise, it is better to keep it to yourself, otherwise you will just continue to destroy relationships with other people.

Think rationally

While you endure, think rationally, is the problem really worth these nerves. Sometimes we interpret people's actions without any idea of ​​what caused them. Let's say someone cuts off your car on the road and you lose control. But we do not know the situation of this person. Maybe he flies at full speed to the hospital or hospital? If that were the case, how would you react to his act?

Less selfish

There are many techniques that are aimed at learning to control anger. However, as one wise monk said: “What is the use of curing symptoms?” It is necessary to act on the root and, in principle, forget about what anger is. Like most negative emotions, anger grows out of the ego.

Did someone put you in a bad light in front of others, did you lose money or other benefits, do people behave differently than you expect? Everything revolves around the same thing - yourself. The root of anger is selfishness. As long as it's strong, anger control is just trying to paint an old fence. It is necessary to learn to let go of resentment and humiliation and try to think more about others. Who needs it? First of all, to ourselves!

Anger refers to a strong destructive emotion, the cause of which is considered to be the strongest disorder or pain. Anger is a normal human reaction that can range from mild annoyance to outright rage. This emotion destroys a person from the inside. This feeling is the result of expressing any dissatisfaction: one's expectations, desires or actions. The main problem lies in the fact that dissatisfaction tends to accumulate. And when dissatisfaction reaches large volumes, then they turn into and from destructive force burst out.

Anger is considered a negative function, but it also has a protective function. Anger - cheerfulness negative sign, since it is one of the few senses that takes energy from the air and creates goals. All people experience anger, but sometimes they prefer not to notice it, suppressing it, and then relationships with loved ones turn into insipid ones, since it is difficult to show positive emotions due to hidden anger.

Anger causes

The reason may be various diseases. Chronic anger is associated with increased blood pressure, skin diseases, headaches, as well as digestive problems. However, this emotion is associated with some personal problems: crimes, physical or emotional attacks, expression.

Many things are done out of anger, which people later regret later. One of the reasons people suppress anger is the fear of rejection. If a person is angry, then the likelihood increases that he will be rejected by those people at whom the emotion is directed. And this rejection very often for a person is stronger than any other fear.

hidden anger

How to let go of anger? First of all, we need to normalize hormonal background. Hormones play important role in the life of any person, and especially women. Hormone imbalance in female body leads to bad mood, dissatisfaction, weakness, weight gain, fatigue and ultimately anger.

Celebrated and external signs due to hormonal imbalance in women. This is dullness, brittle hair; dryness and peeling of the skin, brittle nails, menstrual irregularities, disruption of the gastrointestinal tract, and memory loss. A woman in such a period is marked by irritability and depression.

If you have noticed all of the above signs in yourself, then in order to let go of anger, you should normalize the hormonal background. Disturbances in the level of hormones are determined after certain tests. If necessary, the endocrinologist prescribes drugs that normalize the hormonal background of a woman. This process is accelerated by the following actions: proper nutrition, observance of the regime of the day, staying on fresh air, obligatory physical activity, exception bad habits. Be sure to include seafood, fruits (persimmons, bananas), garlic, eggplant, spinach in your diet. Eat a sufficient amount of animal protein, do not forget about oil (olive, linseed, sesame).

To produce serotonin, you need to eat cheese, dark chocolate, beans, eggs, lentils, tomatoes. Make it a rule that raw vegetables and fruits should always be in your diet. Good rest is required at night, and during the day moderate physical activity (yoga, running, swimming, fitness, dancing) is necessary. Cut down on coffee and avoid alcohol altogether. Choose with a therapist the multivitamins and trace elements necessary for you.

Constant anger and irritation is removed by listening to meditations. According to adherents, regular classes balance the psyche, relieve tension, aggression and bouts of anger. If irritation does not occur due to a disease, then it is possible to cope with this condition by avoiding contact with an irritating object, as well as eliminating irritants. An integrated approach will certainly help to control the emotionality of a woman.

How to get rid of anger

Stop lashing out at your loved ones. This is difficult to learn, but every time you are overcome by bouts of anger, imagine the state that comes after - annoyance and shame for offending relatives unreasonably. Tell the people around you what you don't like about them and what exactly is annoying. At the same time, it is important to speak not in a demonstrative form, but in a soft one.

After analyzing the situations that annoy you, take all possible measures to eliminate these problems. Learn to relax. Meditative techniques will strengthen health, balance a shaky psyche, a person will become resistant to stress. If your condition is provoked by work colleagues, then run after work to fitness, in gym and there release evil, get rid of negative emotions. Yoga removes very well accumulated aggressiveness during the day, training patience, lowering anxiety and calming.

How to control anger? At the first manifestations, try to breathe deeply, thereby calming yourself, talk to yourself and stop all evil thoughts. At the same time, breathe slowly, deeply, repeating the words “calm down”, “relax”, “everything will be fine” several times. Be sure to talk to other people who will support you. Look at everything that happens from the other side, be in the role of the person with whom you are angry.

Treat everything with humor, making fun of yourself. Learn to listen. Learning to listen will improve communication as well as build trust, which will help you deal with hostile emotions and thoughts. Always express your thoughts in a constructive, calm manner. Most importantly, remember that we are neither good nor bad, we are with our own strengths and weaknesses. Accept yourself for who you are, it is impossible to please everyone. And although it is better for health to let out anger than to keep it inside, it is also necessary to be able to do this. Frequent outbursts of rage will only destroy and spoil relationships with other people.

Attacks of anger and anger harm the cardiovascular system, create stressful situation exacerbate the problem. To prevent this from happening, express yourself through perseverance and perseverance, this is the best way to solve any problem.

How to get rid of anger? You can explicitly express it: beat dishes, tear paper, make trouble, fight. This behavior is sometimes not always appropriate, but effective. In some way you attack the aggressor.

There are other ways to get rid of anger. It's talking about her. By talking about it, you express it in such a way and do not suppress it. This way of expressing anger is referred to as constructive ways, since a person speaks about himself, about his needs, about his feelings, without attacking. Suffocating yourself or suppressing angry emotions as if nothing is happening is not recommended, because in this state, anger will overwhelm you.

How to deal with anger? If you can’t control this feeling, and it interferes with your life, then you need to contact a psychologist who will develop methods and techniques to help deal with unbridled bouts of rage and anger.

There is a cure for anger, because there is always some need hiding behind this feeling. If you have this state, then immediately ask yourself the question: “what exactly do I want at this moment?”. If they are angry with you, ask the person “what exactly do you want when you are angry?”. Identification of needs against the background of anger immediately neutralizes the manifestation of this feeling.