How to get rid of the heavy burden of the past? How to get rid of bad memories

“The past can be too heavy to carry with you everywhere. Sometimes it is worth forgetting about it for the sake of the future. " Joanne Rowling

In life, there are situations and events that you don't want to remember, but as a rule, it is they that take root in the mind and interfere with life ... How to get rid of the difficult memories of the past? How to forget an unpleasant situation?

1. The first thing to do is to accept the situation. To realize that it happened and now it is no longer possible to influence it. Understand that this is already the past, and discomfort from memories are caused only by your thoughts and by changing thoughts - you can change your state.

One of the disciples asked Buddha:
- If someone hits me, what should I do?
- If you are with the tree will fall dry branch and hit you, what will you do? - he asked in response:
- What will i do? It's a simple coincidence, a simple coincidence that I was under a tree when a branch fell from it, - said the student.
Then the Buddha remarked:
- So do the same. Someone was mad, angry and hit you - It's like a branch from a tree fell on your head. Don't let it bother you, go your own way as if nothing had happened.

2. Get rid of guilt or stop blaming(depending on the situation). As a rule, in negative situations, a person either feels guilty himself, or blames someone for what happened. Forgiving, letting go of negative memories and emotions that take you back in time and prevent you from moving on.

There are many techniques for forgiveness. Briefly about some of them:

Empty Chair Technique... It consists in the fact that you imagine that the abuser is sitting on a chair in front of you. First, you bring out all the negativity, remembering and expressing to him everything that has boiled, and that it still worries you. Then you forgive him. Then give thanks for the lessons and send him your love!

The same principle is used to write "Letter of Forgiveness" which does not have to be sent.

Technique "Dissolving resentment" from Louise Hay. Sit somewhere in silence, relax. Imagine that you are in a darkened theater with a small stage in front of you. Put on the stage the person you need to forgive; the person you hate the most. This person can be alive or already dead, and your hatred can be both in the past and in the present. When you see him clearly, imagine that something good is happening to him: what for this person has great importance... Imagine him smiling and happy. Hold this image in your view for a few minutes. Then, when the person you want to forgive leaves the stage, put yourself there. Imagine that only good things happen to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling. And know that the universe is good enough for all of us.

The technique of forgiving YOURSELF. Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes and relax. Imagine that you are in beautiful blooming garden... Around you are beautiful, flowering trees, flowers. You can hear birds singing. You breathe easily and freely. You slowly move along the path. Someone is walking towards you. And the closer he gets to you, the more you begin to understand that it is you, but only in childhood, you are 5 years old.
You come up to your little one, take by the handles and say: “Hello ... Thank you for being there. I forgive you for the fact that you ... I forgive you for everything. " You start to notice how the baby is being transformed into a baby. You look at this baby, and you want to take him in your arms, hold him gently to you and say: “I love you. I love you very much". With tenderness and love, you place him in your heart, where he will be comfortable and calm. Now your inner child together with you. You love him and accept him as he is. You are walking down the road again. You breathe easily and freely. You feel calm in your soul. And now everything will be different in your life, because you are different. You are filled with love for yourself. Take a deep breath in and out and open your eyes.

3. Benefit from this situation... Any trouble is perceived by us as injustice, but if you think carefully, then all situations are given to us for something. A positive lesson can be learned from any situation. Let's try! Write 10 points how this situation was useful to you.

4. Replace thoughts of the past with thoughts of the future. Take responsibility for your own thoughts. Once you catch yourself thinking about what happened to you in the past, switch your inner voice to what you intend to accomplish in the future. Change like slide picture. Prepare in your mind a few happy pictures from the future, and as soon as that negative picture appears, quickly cover it with a new one.

And finally, I would ask you to imagine that today is the last day in your life. Would there be a place for these negative memories? So why waste your precious days on them?

Unfortunately, not only positive events take place in life. From time to time we are faced with negative moments in life and no matter how difficult it is, they should be experienced. After one or another negative event, they say: “time heals”, of course, in a sense it is, but where do you put the memories that during this “healing time” all the matter, that emerge?

Exists different types personalities, even some serious troubles in life quite quickly forget and move on. Others, however, will remember even an insignificant negative event for months, tormenting themselves with thoughts about it. As a result, constant thoughts about what happened lead to insomnia, irritability, tired and constantly exhausted. outward appearance... There is only one conclusion from this, if you belong to vulnerable natures, you need to learn to master your thoughts, allowing you to look into the future, and not constantly returning to the past.

How can I help myself?

How to get rid of memories? Many people think about this question at one time or another. Psychologists have developed some, at first glance, primitive, but at the same time effective methods fight against negative memories... Here is some of them:

It so happened that women by their nature are more vulnerable, they are tormented by various unpleasant situations in life and memories much longer than men. Not only the listed general tips, but also small women's "things" can help to cope with them.

The ability to turn off memories will help shopping, this method really does help. Of course, no one says that you need to become a "shopaholic" and spend a lot of money. This is not necessary at all, you can go shopping and buy a thing that is not at all expensive, but necessary for you. It should be one thing, not a few packs of knickknacks. The shopping trip itself is important here, not the purchase. Oddly enough, but it is shopping that allows you to bring a woman out of a depression.

Finally take care of yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror, your constant experiences lead you to the fact that new wrinkles, bruises under the eyes form on your face, your skin is pale, or even of an earthy hue, do you like it? So, throw all your luggage away bad memories and go to the beauty salon. New hairstyle, manicure, cosmetic procedures for the face, but whatever. New image will definitely improve your mood and overshadow the reasons for your resentment.

Technique "seasons"

Very interesting and overall effective technique get rid of memories - "seasons". Brief
its essence is as follows. Close your eyes, relax and remember in detail the situation that haunts you. The details of where it happened, what time of year, during the day, in the evening or at night, what was the weather, etc. are important. For example, let's take winter, it was at this time of the year that this or that situation happened, which now haunts you. Imagining winter, snow, cold, warm clothes, and this whole situation, we are postponed to the next season. Winter gives way to spring, it's warmer outside, birds are singing, trees are beginning to turn green. The picture accelerates and after the spring comes summer, the sun, the beach, nature, the sea ... Over the summer, autumn rushed, yellow foliage peeling underfoot and swirling in the air, rains ... And then again comes winter, snow, cold, New Year... All four seasons, the images of which you drew in your head, need to be repeated three times, as if three years have passed since that negative moment. Thus, we artificially in our subconsciousness accelerate the time that heals.

This method is quite simple and does not require any effort or financial cost, but as the author is assured, it really works. Well, if this is really so, you can check on yourself, it certainly will not bring harm.

Negative situations in life are important, no matter how selfish it may sound. Exactly stressful situations, allow us to get out of our comfort zone and start acting, step over our fear, resentment, disappointment, pull ourselves together and start from a fresh start. It can be anything, changing jobs, redefining current values, starting new relationships, and much more. Try to remember, most likely, you have had unpleasant events in your life before, but you have experienced them and have definitely learned some lesson from them. Now, when a lot of time has passed since them, you can look at that difficult situation in a completely different way, although at that time it seemed unrealistically difficult to you. This is how it is with new problems, they will gnaw at you until the moment you "mature" to let them go from your subconscious, and it is in your power to make this time come as quickly as possible.

Remember that all this is the past, it happened and you cannot change it, but you can change your present, stop digging into the past and torment yourself with memories. Take a look around, life goes on and it is beautiful, no one knows how long it will last and the longer you stay in depressed state, the more you miss days that could be happy. Smile and tune in to a new one happy life, in which there will be the experience of the past, plans for the future and joy in the present! Good luck to you!

Reading strengthens neural connections:

Memory and recollection

They say that broken cup you won't glue, but it becomes much easier when you know how to do it. The trick is to let go of the past. Easier said than done, but possible. By following our instructions, you can let go of past relationships and move on to the next chapter of your life.

1. Practice

Everything takes practice, and controlling emotions and feelings is no exception. Stop sitting in the back seat of your life expecting things to happen by themselves. Instead, roll up your sleeves and put in the effort. Over time, you will be able to develop the ability to think consistently and not dwell on what once was, but focus your attention on what is now.

2. Forgive yourself

Nobody is perfect. If you think you haven't done anything wrong in your past relationship, you are out of your mind. Your relationship ended for a reason. Something didn't click and it wasn't what you both were looking for. No matter how fractured your world is, it's only natural to feel loss, rejection, and failure. Forgive yourself and move on.

3. Focus on the good

No relationship is completely devoid of something good, so focus on what good time you spent together. Do not dwell on the idea that you could have done something better, and do not think about how to get everything back. Those days are over, and even if you get back together with this person, it won't be like before. V real life there is no second chance. Remember these good times with a smile. This time has passed, but it was happy. Do not allow negative emotions about your ex affect your memories.

4. Learn from your mistakes

If you feel guilty, there is no need to push yourself. This eye for an eye situation will only affect you, so you will lose. You will no longer be able to do everything right with this person, but you can analyze your mistakes and avoid them in the future. If you have learned something from your experience, then this time was not wasted.

5. Focus on yourself

Don't worry about what yours thinks. former partner how he feels, what he is doing and with whom he is talking. There is no point in holding long imaginary conversations, because in your head there is no other person but yourself. You repeat his words or come up with answers. Stop worrying about what your ex is doing. You cannot control this. Focus only on what you yourself are doing.

It seems obvious The best way forgetting the past is looking into the future. Past relationships are not so bad, because you still have experience, as well as goals that need to be achieved. It's okay to remember the past from time to time, but don't let it hinder you in the present.

7. Don't try to forget

Trying to forget someone is a bad idea. If you force yourself to forget by an effort of will, then you will do the things that you should not do. The time you spent with someone is a part of your life. Why do you want to voluntarily give up a part of yourself? Don't make it your goal to forget something. This will happen anyway, but for quite natural reasons.

8. Embrace the impermanence of life

Everything in life is temporary, even life itself. Even if immortality were possible, life would not remain the same forever. Therefore, you need to move on. Accepting the fact that nothing in life is permanent is part of growing up. Regardless of how hard you work, some things are just outside your control. Do what you can with what you have, or very soon you will find yourself at a broken trough.

9. "Tear down the Berlin Wall"

Where there used to be a relationship is now empty. You have to fill it with contacts with other people. You can look for new acquaintances or reunite with family and friends. The main thing is to lower your protection and let them approach you. Otherwise, you will only make yourself more miserable.

10. Do good ...

A great way to feel better is to help others. There are many ways you can use it. You don't have to change the world, but you can make the people around you happier. They will bring back your favor and will cheer you up when something happens.

Breaking up is hard, but we all lose important relationship... Letting go of past relationships is difficult, but you need to move on. If you don't, you will end up wasting a lot of time, which you will later regret. With discipline and practice, you can get these relationships out of your head and move on to new and happier relationships.

It's easy to believe that past events should leave you alone just because they've already passed, but letting go is really not easy. Experiences that made a strong impression on us, especially negative character are able to influence a person at the neurological level. They can also leave marks in our body and mind, which can influence our behavior for years, if not decades. Memories of these events can affect you both on a neurological and psychological level, you may or may not be aware of it. Learning to live under the influence of these experiences can be difficult, but it is never impossible, no matter how powerful and impressive your experience may be. While it will take time and effort on your part to release the influence of painful memories, there are several ways you can learn to let go. painful memories.

Steps

Cognitive work

Physical signs of emotional trauma. Sometimes, particularly impressive memories can leave noticeable physical marks that indicate emotional trauma. If you have certain symptoms, your painful memories may be related to some kind of emotional trauma that affects your physical health... Each person has a different response to trauma, so it is important to consider your specific situation perhaps in dialogue with a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Realize the impact. The first thing you need to understand is how exactly painful memories can affect your current life. Since particularly impressive experiences from the past can affect you at the most subtle neurological and psychological level, you are not always aware of how they affect your behavior in the present. Since all of your current ideas and behaviors have been influenced to some extent by your past actions, those actions that left painful memories often affect you more than others.

• For example, you may feel tremendous anxiety around a lake due to a near-death experience with water, or you may unknowingly avoid certain activities or places that remind you of a deceased loved one. Whatever your case, you need to understand how these painful memories affect your life in the present tense in order to come to terms with them and accept their impact on your daily life.
• To find out how they affect you, think about how you react to certain things. Think back to any significant changes you may have noticed in yourself between the traumatic events and your current behavior. If you are not sure if you can notice these changes yourself, ask others if you are behaving differently, if they have noticed any changes in your behavior that may indicate areas of your life that were affected by the memory.

1. Work with anxiety. When you begin to feel anxiety in a situation that reminds you of painful memories, work with that anxiety. Define memories as such and experiment with what happens instead of removing yourself entirely from the situation. Psychologists have several different techniques to work with such questions, but there are two similar and effective method- mind vision and awareness. In both cases, the goal is to learn to pay attention to when anxiety occurs. When it does, you need to focus on aspects of the situation that you can control, such as breathing, to slow the situation down to the point where you no longer feel overwhelmed.

   Focus on the future. Living in the past and in your painful memories is unhealthy. You can never get ahead or enjoy something new if your mind is constantly dwelling on the past. This type of repetitive thinking has been linked to depression, PTSD, anxiety, and many other problems. To get rid of this repetitive thinking, engage in activities that help you focus on the present or future. Make weekend plans with friends, think about a vacation you would like to save up for, think about a career or life goals that you have yet to achieve. Anything positive will help you distract attention from the downward spiral of painful memories.

   New habits

   1. Start journaling. Journaling is one of the most effective ways help to cope with the painful events of the past. Try taking notes of the past and present to learn more about how painful memories affect you. Describing these experiences will give you some degree of control over your vision of the importance of these events in your life. It will also help you release the emotions associated with those memories that may be difficult for you to reach otherwise.

      • One day, just sit down and start writing about all the experiences that come to your mind, in as much detail as possible. This will help you perceive the effect of painful memories for two reasons. First, it allows you to see the connection between situations in your life and your emotions. Second, writing can be a kind of purifying experience in which you can experience a sense of creative freedom, and this will help you avoid feeling heavy from previous life events.
      • If this is difficult for you, start small - just write down what happens to you during the day. If you are tempted to relate what happened to something that happened to you in the past, allow it to happen, but do not direct your letter in any particular direction.

   2. Develop fun habits. To help yourself cope with painful memories, try to create new, more pleasant memories and new habits. Painful memories can eat away at you from the inside out if you spend too much time alone and ignore your own inner desire for relationships with other people. Surround yourself with people and activities that make you happy. Human beings are social creatures by nature, so we are very likely to need relationships with other people, especially those that involve touch or other forms of intimacy, to find feelings of pleasure and joy.

      • This does not mean that you have to spend time with everyone you know. It will most likely take some effort on your part to understand what really makes you happy. But when you find such an activity or group of people, try to reorganize your daily life to maximize your enjoyable time.

   3. Shake up the routine. If you get bogged down in the gray everyday life, it gives you too much time to reflect on the past. Try experimenting with environment and social groups to shake your normal routine... This is especially necessary if you feel a lack of pleasure in Everyday life... If you find that you are largely preoccupied with painful memories from the past, you may need to step out of your comfort zone and place yourself in an environment you have never been in before.

      • If you constantly feel isolated from others and are unable to meet people who will support you, it may be time to experiment and connect with completely new people in situations that you usually do not find yourself in. This can lead you to meet the right type of people who can support you the way you need it. It also helps you worry less about the past, providing you with more interesting activities and more interesting people present.
      • Try mixed martial arts or yoga classes. You can even just go for a walk in the park. The key here is simply to put yourself in a situation that you usually don't find yourself in, or in the company of people you don't usually hang out with. Painful memories can become part of a psychological loop that otherwise becomes part of your daily routines and habits.

   Outside help

   1. Ask others for opinions. If you feel like you need a look from the outside, or find it difficult to get out of your head, ask loved ones if they have not noticed any changes in you after the experience that left you painful memories. This will take some courage on your part, as they might say something to you that you don't want to hear. However, another person, especially one who is very close to you, can often notice what you did not manage to notice.

      • Ask someone you trust, such as best friend, from a brother or sister, from a parent or close colleague, referring to him without any preconceived notion.

   2. Join a support group. If you cannot find people to support you on your own, or if you want to talk to someone who will not be close to you, try joining a support group that focuses on your problem. There are a lot of such groups, they focus on the most various issues, for example, on the problem of using psychoactive substances, domestic violence, loss loved one, anxiety and depression.

      See a mental health professional. If you can't deal with your painful memories on your own, find a trauma therapist. It is also worth seeking professional help if painful memories become unbearable for you. Mental health professionals, such as psychologists or psychotherapists, are trained in a variety of necessary skills and apply therapeutic techniques that are designed to help people become more productive and constructive in their daily lives, despite painful experiences they may have in the past. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. You don't need to feel like a failure or be embarrassed to ask for help.

      Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is a popular treatment for past trauma. CBT is generally a short-term, problem-focused approach to anxiety and depression in which a therapist helps you adjust your beliefs and thought processes. It helps you arrange them in a way that better suits your desires. CBT is more active than other forms of therapy, which requires an effort on your part to change your behavior and thoughts. A therapist will help you work through problems, give you exercises and procedures to do at home, and help you change your overall behavior.

      • Look for a mental health professional who specializes in this method if you think it might be effective in your particular situation.

   3. Ask about Eye Movement Desensitization and Recycling (OMA). Your doctor may also try eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (OMA). DPDG uses your body's natural responses to past experiences, using eye movements to unblock memories and allow you to deal with them more easily. This technique uses repetitive eye movements along with CBT to trigger traumatic memories so you can deal with them rather than suppress them. This method views mental health as it does physical health. If you have a traumatic memory that eats away at your mind, it can never heal, despite your brain's natural healing abilities.

Instructions

Before you can drive away the "ghosts of the past" with a filthy broom, you must accept them and come to terms with them. In the end, this is your experience, and experience, as you know, is "the son of difficult mistakes." Trying to suppress in myself hard memories, you somehow still return to them, reliving something that once struck you so unpleasantly.

Talk about your concerns with someone you trust. Perhaps this will help you not only better understand yourself, but also look at what is happening from the other side, get some kind of advice, hint. In any case, you will no longer be alone with your problem and will surely experience relief.

When you have all the emotions out about the situation that bothers you, start gradually “letting go” of your anxiety. Think about what useful lesson you can learn from this experience and what to warn yourself against in the future. Let it not be an endless memory that prevents you from living in peace, but rather a lesson, having learned which, you can move on. In this way, you will not allow the "weight of the past" to bind you hand and foot.

Your imagination will help you to push the unpleasant memory out of your head. Identify the state that causes you anxiety, clearly imagine this situation. Fix for yourself what exactly in this situation triggers your unwanted emotions - it can be some kind of image, sound, bodily sensation, smell. Outline this in full detail.

Next, create an image that represents the state you would like to come to instead of your fear or anxiety. Imagine the result clearly, which makes you happy, pleasant inner feelings and the desire to bring it to life. The created "picture" should be very attractive to you.

Now imagine first the first picture that triggers an unpleasant memory or fear, and then place the second one next to it, joyful and pleasant. Let the first picture fade, blur and give way to the second, which will grow and fill all the space. "Anchor" the change of pictures with any change in sounds, bodily sensations, images, and repeat the procedure several times. Ultimately, the disturbing memory should be perceived as completely neutral by you.

note

Finding someone you can trust with your secret can be difficult. The Internet can help you here: thematic forums, you can relieve your condition and even get some advice. However, you need to be careful with the use of the latter, because someone's individual experience can be not only useless for you, but also harm.

Helpful advice

If you find it difficult to talk to people about your problem, try putting your thoughts in writing- write a letter addressing a real or even a fictional person. This can serve as a worthy alternative to confidential conversation with someone.