Love for a person is equal to the sacrifice that we are ready to make for him at the necessary moment ** Goethe
Another weird question? Does society lack indifference to other people's pain and selfishness?
At the time of my growing up, questions of attitude towards myself looked very categorical. I also thought that skill love yourself- this is an unattractive property of swaggering and arrogant egoists.
When I learned about the gospel principle “to love your neighbor as yourself,” I thought about it. And as today's post testifies, I thought for a long time))
What does it mean to love yourself
Let's check the clock first, dear friend. Let's define the key concepts.
How do you clarify the word "love"? Just do not start with "this is when ...". The question is precisely “what is it”, and not “when” it manifests itself.
If you find it difficult to find words, try using the words of those who have devoted more than one year of their lives to this topic.
Love is an active interest in the life and development of your partner ”E. Fromm
Love is not a deal that is considered a marriage, not a passion that looks like a melodrama, not an animal instinct that many people hunt for, but a feeling of deep respect for someone else's life and a desire to decorate it with joy and beauty “Oh. Roy
And now you, what meaning do you put into this word? Maybe this is a deep personal interest, or maybe sincere or a certain amount of sacrifice?
If you were in need learn to love yourself, it is important to understand what exactly you want to get in the end, what it is exactly for you.
The next step is to think about what "me" means. Is it possible to direct your love inward, to where you really are? Put aside for a moment the conscious roles that we all play every day, domestic or professional - it doesn’t matter at all. Think about who, what kind of personality, is hiding behind the notorious "yourself".
Recently, a woman and I had a long discussion about this. For some reason, it was difficult to understand that under the universal letter “I” there was more than just a function. “I” is a noun, a subject, a person who has not only intellect, but also personal values, own resources.
Now you, dear friend, see how understanding looms, a masterpiece appears through another drawing applied on top with a completely different message.
When we talk to ourselves here, we understand that a person is not just a creature that needs to be pitied, fed and warmed. Everyone has personal values, feelings, vision, they are part of the personality. And to love yourself means to love them. Don't treat them like stepmother to Cinderella.
Revealing and recognizing your values is a big deal, but not the last. It is important to practice them daily so that every day is like a “glass slipper ball”. Your valuables should sparkle or shine.
Learning is not just about time. It's also an effort
Of course, learning something new is not easy. Especially when we are talking about internal permutation. When a person realizes that he has certain values that give his personal life, certain resources, including inexhaustible ones, he becomes attractive to himself.
This attraction will serve as another reference point on the way to the main (on this segment of the movement) goal - to LOVE YOURSELF. Now he is already consciously learning to realize his values every day. In his life, new achievements desired for him appear, which displace from the heart negative feelings such as anger, disappointment.
Having lived in this vein for at least three weeks, a person strengthens in his desire love yourself and now he knows exactly how to share love with his fellow men.
If everything is clear to you, dear friend, but you lack the tools to practice, let me know. I will be glad to help, especially in such a matter as love))
The Information and Educational Department of the UOC publishes an interview with His Beatitude Metropolitan Onufry to the editors of the Orthodox Church Newspaper.
Christian love does not involve reciprocity, but self-sacrifice
- Your Beatitude, why is it so: in our society there is a lot of talk about love and at the same time its acute shortage is felt? What should be said about love in the light of the New Testament?
- The commandment to love God and love your neighbor was given to people back in Old Testament. However, in his conversation at the Last Supper, the Lord Jesus Christ addresses His disciples with the words: I give you a new commandment, that you love one another (John 13:34). What is the novelty of this commandment? First of all, that the love of a Christian should extend not only to those who are close to us by blood or who are pleasing to us, but to all who need our help and love. On the gospel pages, Jesus Christ calls us to selfless love. And if we love the way sinners love, then what gratitude does the Lord give for this? We are called to love even our enemies, without expecting anything in return (Luke 6:35), i.e. without hoping for reimbursement of our expenses.
How does ordinary (human) love essentially differ from Christian love?
- AT ordinary life we love those we like and who love us. And Christian love presupposes not reciprocity, but self-sacrifice. Let's take good example from life: a young man loves a girl, is ready to buy flowers for her and endure her whims. But such carnal love extends only to a few people - to parents, maybe even to one person. And Christian love extends to all. It is a sublime, all-encompassing love, and, reaching its perfection, it extends to enemies as well. The Lord teaches us to bless those who curse us and pray for those who offend us.
We must submit our flesh to the laws of the spirit
How can such love be achieved? After all, it doesn’t happen - he opened his soul and loved everyone ...
Of course, Christian love does not come easily, as we would like. The Lord Jesus Christ not only commands us to love one another, but, above all, by His life shows us an example of love and helps us to acquire it. This is the novelty and strength of the New Testament: in union with Christ in the Church, we become able to receive the gift of love from God, that love that extends to everyone, including enemies. Grace is perceived by a person as his soul is cleansed: you need to overcome yourself, crush pride, drive away all those evil thoughts that fill our soul. This is done with the help of the church sacraments of Repentance and Communion, prayers, reading Holy Scripture and self-compulsion. The Lord Himself said that the Kingdom of Heaven is in need (Matt. 11:12), that is, one must force oneself and encourage oneself to observe fasting, chastity and other virtues. We must submit our flesh to the laws of the spirit. Then we will have spiritual fruits, the main of which is love. If a person does good, forgives offenses, loves his neighbor with sacrificial love, then he becomes like his Creator. By doing so, a person gains peace of mind and fills his life with joy.
Truly happy is he whose happiness does not depend on outside world
To have joy and peace, you need to feel happy. But how can this be achieved in the current difficult conditions, when life becomes more expensive and prices are rising?
Our happiness does not depend on the abundance of our estate or the external situation (economic and political) in which we find ourselves. You can hold the highest position in society and have huge fortunes and at the same time feel deeply unhappy. Truly happy is the one whose happiness does not depend on the outside world. As sons of God, the Saints were happy with what God gave them because their hearts were filled with the grace of God. Happy is he who knows how to be content with what he has, who strives to cleanse his heart of passions, and tries to love God and all people.
You can love yourself by catering to your selfish desires, or you can love yourself in order to gain the Kingdom of Heaven
— The Lord Jesus Christ commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27). Is it necessary to love yourself in order to love your neighbor? What does it mean to love yourself?
“It is human nature to love oneself. Nobody wants to hurt themselves. The question is the direction of our love. You can love yourself by catering to your selfish desires, or you can love yourself in order to gain the Kingdom of Heaven. What are the joys of this world? - It good job, increasing one's material condition, various entertainments ... Of course, we all need the necessary things - a roof over our heads, clothes, daily bread. However, Christian love towards oneself does not mean a desire to acquire earthly goods. A Christian sees good for himself in the fulfillment of God's commandments, which bring a person closer to God and open up the possibility of acquiring God's grace, which fills the heart with incomparable fullness and joy.
There are many difficult circumstances in our life. Often we are lost and do not know: what to do and how to act? For example, if someone borrowed money and does not want to return it, the question arises: contact the police or take some other measures?
- First of all, you need to put yourself in the place of the debtor. And look: how would we like to be treated in such circumstances? The Lord God commands us to do to others the way we want others to do to us (see Matt. 7:12). The Lord confronts us with a choice: behave like sinners or be like God? In such situations, we are tested in terms of how we are able to show mercy, compassion, forgiveness, love.
The sacrifice of Christian love cannot be abolished by anything - neither insults, nor trials, nor disappointments ...
- In the 13th chapter of the First Epistle to the Corinthians, the holy Apostle Paul sings a hymn of love: love is long-suffering, merciful,<…>does not envy ... (v. 4) - and concludes his speech on love: love never fails (v. 8). How to understand the last sentence?
— The essence of Christian love is the ability of a Christian to sacrifice. If there is no sacrifice in love, it cannot be called Christian love. Love without sacrifice is a manifestation of selfishness, pride, self-pleasing. With the phrase love never ceases, the holy apostle Paul points out to us that the sacrifice of Christian love cannot be abolished by anything - neither insults, nor trials, nor disappointments ...
Only the fruits of love for God and neighbor will follow a person to the other world. And in all its fullness, a Christian will be able to reveal the gift of love in eternal a better life when not only the gifts of prophecy and tongues will disappear, but faith and hope will already cease. Faith will be replaced there by the vision of the Lord, and hope will come true, love alone will reign forever and ever, forever, because true love is God Himself and God is the eternal source of love.
Trainings on how to love yourself remain popular; people continue to seek help from specialists to get rid of complexes. But usually this does not produce the desired effect. Many techniques are aimed at improving appearance, while the main problem lies in the worldview. The article contains recommendations for those who really want to love themselves. The emphasis is not on the mantras “I already love myself, I am so wonderful, beautiful, the best”, but on discovering the causes of dislike for myself and eliminating them.
Take your appearance for granted
There are practically no those who would like their appearance as a whole. But stop shying away from the mirror, constantly criticizing yourself, everyone can do it. When people abstract from comparisons with processed pictures in glossy publications, they are much more loyal to their appearance. Fashion is fleeting; the parameters of the ideal body are constantly changing, so you should not lose weight / gain weight in order to fit the norms of society.
Many volunteer to enter the most attractive race, trying to look prettier and keep up with celebrities. These competitions take a lot of emotional strength, lead to complexes. Sometimes it comes to the point that a person hates himself for his “imperfect” appearance.
It is worth considering - is this race for an unattainable ideal really necessary? Why try to copy someone, getting rid of own uniqueness? By accepting his body, a person ceases to depend on beauty patterns, becomes more confident and spends his resources on more important things.
Do not turn the reward system into a lifestyle
Guided by the phrase "did not deserve / a", some of us deprive ourselves of pleasant moments. “I didn’t work well today, so the evening trip to the cinema is canceled”, “I didn’t complete the to-do list for the day, I’ll have to reschedule a walk with my friends” ... If you reward yourself only for achievements, you get a game of a strict parent and an obedient child, while a person plays both roles .
The reward system works, but you shouldn't use it all the time. Sometimes you need to cheer yourself up just like that, even if the day didn’t work out at all, deadlines are missed, a conversation with friends ended in a quarrel. At such moments, it is necessary to support yourself with some pleasant trifle.
Stop communicating with those who constantly complain about life
Almost everyone has a friend / acquaintances who are constantly dissatisfied with everything. Either it is too cold, or it is too hot, or the boss does not respect, or the family does not appreciate ... Everyone has problems, but this is not a reason to constantly complain about fate. If a person surrounds himself with such personalities, his self-esteem only worsens: he himself gets used to discussing exclusively bad things, finding minuses in everything, and also making sure that he is a loser, and everyone around him is a loser. It is worth "filtering" the circle of contacts, limiting yourself from contacts with those who are always dissatisfied.
Conversations with those who are positive and used to solving their problems rather than complaining about them will be much more productive. In addition, those who are determined to see the positive in almost everything miraculously help to love themselves - they sincerely notice the best sides of friends, give sensible advice, do not allow to lose heart and support in any situation.
Get rid of jealousy
Even those who do not have a loved one are subject to this feeling. You can be jealous of anyone - parents to their brothers and sisters, friends to other acquaintances, etc. These feelings come on suddenly, seem natural and out of control. But jealousy is an indicator of two problems at once: attempts to "appropriate" other people completely, self-doubt. Both are worth eradicating.
From the first, everything is more or less clear: it is enough to put yourself in the place of another. Then it becomes easier to realize that everyone needs communication, and it should not remain communication with only one person. With the second one, it is a little more difficult - it is harder for an insecure person to get rid of comparisons with others who are more successful, beautiful, interesting. A simple thought helps - relatives still stay with him, they love and appreciate him, they are not going to change him for someone who is supposedly better. Confidential conversations with loved ones, a feeling of strong connection, sincere feelings- what helps to get rid of destructive jealousy.
Don't feel sorry for yourself and others
No, this is not a call to become insensitive, callous, offend friends and step on the tails of homeless kittens. It is worth distinguishing between the concepts of "pity" and "empathy". The second helps to realize how other living beings feel, to understand which of them needs help, and to provide it. Pity, alas, does not always lead to action. People feel sorry for many - themselves, the neighbor who was abandoned by his wife, all the sick and destitute in the world.
But this feeling without action does not bring anything good, on the contrary, it can deplete emotional resources. Therefore, it is worth getting rid of pity, stop justifying yourself, start acting. How much more productive would it be to pick up one homeless kitten, take care of him, instead of silently sympathizing with all the animals that the owners abandoned.
Don't be afraid to express negative emotions
In childhood, parents scold children when they get angry, scream or cry. Memories of such moments can sit firmly in the head, and already at a conscious age, people suppress feelings with a minus sign. This leads to sudden uncontrollable outbursts of anger, tantrums or even depression.
The accumulated negativity should be “splashed out” wisely in time. good option can be considered regular trips to big concerts, where you can sing in full voice, not embarrassed by the lack of hearing, and dance as you like. Playing sports helps fight negative emotions, and also benefits health. For some, it becomes much easier after they put their feelings on paper - draw or write. Each person chooses what suits him best. The main thing is not to accumulate negativity in yourself.
The habit of suppressing negative emotions is inherent in insecure people. They are afraid that the environment will consider them crazy after they raise their voices or express their displeasure. By learning not to hold back at certain moments, a person reveals himself as a person, accepts his right to any emotions, including negative ones. He can directly say what he is dissatisfied with, why he is angry, instead of nodding and smiling, accumulating anger in his soul.
Some of the advice on how to learn to love yourself may seem complicated or radical. Yes, the recommendations really mean leaving the comfort zone, so the person feels unusual. Many are afraid of change, of the unknown, preferring to remain conservative. But harmonious life worth it to do bold things that were hard to decide before. Getting rid of complexes, prejudices changes a person only in better side and he is justifiably proud of himself.
Not everyone is given the ability to love, because this is not just an innate quality, but a whole art. You can learn it all your life, and sometimes only in old age we can meet worthy examples beautiful love- disinterested, bright, pure, one that is able to teach and inspire. How to teach a person to love? And how do you learn to love yourself? The question is difficult, but solvable.
Professor Leo Bascaglia said: "Psychologists, psychiatrists, sociologists, anthropologists and teachers in their countless monographs and dissertations come to the same conclusion that love is a "learned reaction, a learned feeling"...
Why do most of us behave as if love does not need to be learned, and wait for its mystical awakening, as if it slumbers in the depths human consciousness to reveal itself one day in all its fullness.
So you can wait forever! We seem to be unwilling to face the fact that many of us spend our entire lives searching for love, yet die without knowing it.
One of the most high manifestations human spirituality is considered selfless love. Selfless love is also one of the most complex varieties of love. This world was not invented by us, but it is in our power to love it.
There is a set of basic principles for learning to love selflessly. Of course, you can add your own points to them. Scientists claim to have discovered the secret of selfless love. Selfless love creates powerful emotional bonds. Strong bonds of this kind can play a decisive role in the survival of mankind.
Selfless love is like no other. It is associated with pleasure, romantic experiences and even euphoria. Throughout the history of mankind, there has been a disinterested attitude towards others, compassion, generosity, and only now the need for altruism has been proven with scientific point vision. So the basic principles are:
Remember that what we send out comes back to us tenfold, and what exactly you want to receive tenfold is up to you.
Treat the world you are lucky enough to find yourself in as if it were your own room. Keep him as wonderful as he met you, otherwise no one will do it for you: use energy saving technologies, take care of the forest, save water, do not scatter garbage, take care of the flora and fauna.
Take care of our smaller brothers and those who are weaker than you, who need your help: hang bird feeders, feed homeless animals, take things to the orphanage, become a blood donor.
Hang out with lonely old people, not just your grandparents. After all, they all lack care and warmth.
Create beauty around you: build a flower bed in the yard, paint a picture with your bright colors Help your friend sew the dress of her dreams.
Rejoice in the new day - the rays of the sun, gloomy clouds, the singing of birds, fresh air and rain, the first snow, smile at random passers-by.
Probably, now the phrase has become more understandable - how to learn to love disinterestedly. Selfless love is a mosaic that consists of care and love for loved ones, care for the world around, love for animals, and for oneself. Such feelings lead not to destruction, but to the creation of the surrounding reality.
By accepting it, you can make and live the life of your dreams. It is impossible to be truly happy without the desire to love this world with all the fibers of the soul. Use every day of your life and try to love the world and he will love you back.
How to learn to love without attachment
Love is a great feeling that every person should experience. After all, without love, there is no life. Many people think so. The person who loves is happy. It's always nice to look into the eyes of the one you love. But sometimes, love can make you a slave, so you need to be extremely careful and know the measure.
Many psychologists on this topic say that you can get rid of attachment. You will need to imagine your life without your loved one. Of course, one of the most terrible pictures that you could ever see appears before you. After all, when you are attached to a person, then in life, nothing else worries you.
Also, you will be very sad. Do not forget that now there will be no one to give all your love and warmth to. If you imagine such a situation, then you can understand that even without this person, you can exist and continue to live. Yes, at first it will be very difficult and life will be unbearable, but then, you will understand that Life is going farther.
How to learn to love without attachment? After you have imagined the situation without a loved one, then you will need to remember those times when you lived without love. You solved your problems yourself and coped well with them. But do not forget that you can give love to your family and friends. They are also very worried about you. And never leave them without your love.
Keep chatting with your friends. After all, it is very useful to diversify your life by communicating with others. interesting people. But many people say that going on a party without a loved one is very wrong. But it's not. You need to go out alone with friends at least once a week. Also, recommend doing the same to your soul mate. And do not discount the fact that you will find a lot of new and interesting topics for conversations.
Find yourself a hobby that will allow you to develop only for the better. After all, if you do something, then attachment to this or that man will be lost. So go ahead, look for new hobbies that can entertain you. It can be reading books, and drawing. In general, it can be anything you want.
Well, if you understand that without this person you cannot live for a second and you can simply lose the meaning of life without this person, then it is better to go to a specialist in your field - a psychologist, and then he will help you learn to love without attachment.
How to teach a person to love
Only a person with a pure soul, who loves himself, can teach another to love. Often people who know how to love have a very pleasant emotional background. Therefore, try to eradicate unpleasant negative emotions from your soul. Do not allow yourself to be irritable even in the morning transport.
Stop testing first negative emotions around, then yours internal state over time will be in harmony with your behavior. It is useful for women to restrain emotions, since hormones provide reliable protection heart until the onset of menopause. But, for example, when building a career, self-control is indispensable;
Don't be afraid or avoid situations that might bring you up. You must learn to love. Exactly those in which your partner can misfire. He can be very logical, but emotionally insensitive, so his behavior in ambiguous situations may not be the way you would like. Do not be afraid of such situations.
For example, you are very worried about some lost item. At best, a loved one will offer to buy new thing to replace what was lost. But at worst, you will be accused of inattention. If he cannot but reproach you, a lesson in love is needed.
Talk to him and explain what this case it doesn't matter to you what is more important is his understanding and support. Often a man simply does not understand what kind of reaction is expected from him, and this makes him angry or annoyed. To teach a person to love, tell him what you want from him, explain this situation “on your fingers”. Men very often do not understand the female need for empathy;
If you have taken the position of a teacher, be patient. If your attempts did not give results the first time, still continue to try to teach to love a person. Then when you have for him great importance he can force himself to change. Just often men have no idea what kind of behavior will be approved by the ladies. Support even his smallest achievement with praise and approval, because he really deserves it.
