Psychological violence: essence, causes, consequences. Types of violence

If we analyze the motives of people who get married, then the main need family life is a sense of security that almost everyone needs. But, alas, not always a sense of security is absolutely guaranteed to us, moreover, often the partner is not very ready to provide us with security or does not know how to do it. And in some cases, it can act out its own scenarios, in which the partner's safety is not a value.

By security we mean not only its physical aspect, but also the psychological one. Often, psychological violence is almost invisible and looks like a desire to “improve” a partner, “do him good”, give him your understanding of what is “right” and what is “wrong” in his life. At the same time, psychological violence can be used by both men and women both in relation to each other and in relation to children. It is important to be able to recognize it on early stage.

Depreciation

Everything is depreciated: contribution to the family (“you don’t earn money”, “you stay at home”, “the soup is salty”), the partner’s personality (“you don’t develop”), appearance (“you are fat”). A partner or child is constantly criticized, he is constantly pointed out to his shortcomings and miscalculations, often it looks like ridicule in front of other people, where the goal is to evoke feelings of guilt and shame, which develop into inferiority complexes. It is often very difficult for a person to recover from such a relationship; both faith in partnership and faith in oneself are lost.

Control

Typically, a partner or parent takes very tight control over what they do, who they communicate with, where they go, and how their partner or child dresses. He insists that he always be consulted about making even the smallest decisions, he controls finances, telephone conversations, social networks, contacts, hobbies. In case of disobeying his will, he tries to punish by strengthening all forms of restrictions and suppressing the will with harsh prohibitions, often accompanied by blackmail or hysteria.

Gaslighting

One of the harshest and most intolerable forms of psychological abuse is hidden behind such an elegant word. A person who uses gaslighting denies his partner or child adequacy: “it seemed to you,” “it didn't happen,” “you just don't understand it.” Events, feelings, emotions are often denied. A person who has undergone gaslighting feels like they are going crazy. Very often, victims of sexual violence are subjected to gaslighting when the perpetrator constantly instills in the victim that she understands something wrong, or even denies the fact of violence. Similarly, close people can act who do not believe the victim, accusing her of strange fantasies and refusing to believe what is happening.

Ignoring

Emotional detachment is very difficult for children, since the importance of attachment to an adult for them is key to the emergence of basic trust in the world as a whole. The child feels that if the most important and significant person do not give a damn about his feelings, emotions and deeds, then strangers will definitely not need him. Ignoring often leads to suicidal thoughts and other radical forms of attracting attention to oneself. Adults also find it difficult to cope with the constant ignorance of their needs and feelings, which leads to feelings of guilt and despair.

Insulation

Isolation differs from ignorance in that it is not the abuser himself who moves away from the partner, but forces him to exclude relatives and friends from his life, everyone except him. Thus, the abuser locks in on all the communications of the partner or child. Losing support, and as a rule, the victim is prohibited from any communication with relatives, the abuser makes the victim completely emotionally dependent on himself. Friends and colleagues are also excluded from communication, which leads to the loss of even a theoretical opportunity to ask someone for help.

Blackmail and intimidation

The tasks of these forms of psychological violence are to deprive the victim of his own will, his own opinion, to subordinate completely to his desires and way of life. Often with these forms of violence, a person is presented with material of an intimate nature, which is used as incriminating evidence: “if you behave badly, I’ll tell you that you wet the bed”, “if you don’t do what I want, I will show everyone your nude photos”. Feelings of shame and embarrassment cause the victim to refuse own plans to please the rapist's desires.

How to proceed

Whatever the form of psychological abuse, it is important to know that coping with abuse while in a relationship with an abuser is very difficult. Therefore, it is very important to first get out of the situation of violence, and then deal with your partner. Quitting is literally walking away from the rapist, running away, or even disappearing from his field of vision. After all, if you are near, then the abuser will find ways to influence you, as he always did. It is very difficult for children in this situation if their own parents practice psychological abuse. They often leave home intuitively in an attempt to resist violence.

As a preventive measure against psychological abuse, it is important to develop in oneself and in children two, in my opinion, the most essential skills: the ability to think critically and the ability to trust your feelings.

Critical thinking will help to recognize in time psychological abuse, during which often occurs great amount distortions of facts and events.

Trusting your feelings helps you understand that what is happening is really violence, if at the moment when the abuser is near you, you feel bad. It is important to be able to name your feelings, to have close people who can hear you and reflect your feelings, perhaps it will be a professional psychologist.

And remember: asking for help is not ashamed; rather, it is an important component of the self-preservation instinct - the basic human instinct.

Ekaterina Goltsberg

I suggest that one of the reasons destructive relationships can be difficult to get out of is the victim’s lack of awareness that her partner is an abuser and is using violence against her. With physical violence, everything is more or less clear: beats means beating, but psychological violence can have a latent form and be invisible, unless it is open insults and humiliation.

However, because emotional abuse is not recognized and labeled as abuse, it does not become less destructive to the mental well-being of the victim, so I think it is important to be able to notice it. Knowing what forms it takes, it will be easier to recognize it.

So, what types or types emotional abuse can you single out?

1. The first thing that comes to mind is, of course, gaslighting... A universal form of psychological abuse that seems to be present in all destructive relationships. The essence of gaslighting is that the victim is taught that his perception of reality is not adequate and that some other understanding of what is happening is imposed, one that is convenient for the aggressor.

For example, that it is completely normal if the husband walks alone at night with other girls while the wife is at home with the child, or that in fact no one raised his voice, but the victim seemed to have everything. Also, for example, gaslighting is the accusation of the victim that all problems in the relationship are due to her. , and the aggressor is a white and fluffy suffering bunny. To understand what is happening, you can describe the events as non-judgmental as possible, in the form of facts, and then read them, imagining that this is not your story. Still to resist gaslighting very much.

If someone convinces you that your understanding of reality is subjective and his is objective, know that this is manipulation. You can read more about manipulations and how to resist them in my article:.

It is surprising that sometimes not only the abuser partner is engaged in gaslighting, but also the victim's inner circle: “You are exaggerating,” “You are not so bad,” “Everyone lives like this,” “You press on him / her, this is nobody will not like it. " The person to whom all this is instilled, and the truth begins to feel that something is wrong with him, that he is too emotional and instead of believing his feelings and increasing the distance with the abuser, he begins to scold himself for them.

Much and interesting information has been written about gaslighting, I will not retell everything. You can read more about this, for example, in an article on the Psychologies website: "" or on the Women's Club website:.

2. Wiesholding- this is a diversion of the conversation aside from the topic that worries you. May manifest itself as chatting up a problem, making jokes, or being left unanswered important issues... The person does not seem to refuse to talk to you, but the conversation turns out to be absolutely fruitless, nothing can be clarified or explained. After such conversations, a feeling of devastation and helplessness remains.

3. Ignorance- another one passive form violence. Neglect (neglect) in translation from English - neglect, inattention, negligence. It is defined as the inability and / or unwillingness to provide care and attention, assistance and support for the adults and children for whom the abuser is responsible.

It is one of the most severe forms of emotional abuse and has the worst impact on the health of the victim. Includes devaluation of the victim's physiological needs and health, as well as economic violence. Neglect options: refusal to protect themselves during sex; intentional "mistakes" in contraception leading to pregnancy; shifting all household responsibilities to one person and refusing to help; pushing the victim towards plastic surgery; refusing to put on headphones while playing or listening to music / watching movies, when the other wants to sleep, and much more.

“If your interests, opinions, needs are neglected, this is neglect. If you are left without help, attention, care and care in a situation where you are helpless and / or it is dangerous to your health and life, this is neglect. If, in response to a request for help, you hear “you don’t need this,” this is an ignorance. If your needs are called whims and / or ignored, this is neglect. If you are denied basic needs for good nutrition, sleep, rest, safety, shelter, clothing, medical care, treatment, that is neglect. If your partner “forgets” all the time and violates your agreements, if he pushes his responsibilities for caring for children, home, pets onto you, this is neglect. ” For more information about neglect with examples, see.

4. Emotional blackmail- an increase in emotional distance, coldness in relationships, boycott if you do something wrong, as the abuser needs. Those. the abuser seems to say: "I will not communicate with you if you do / do not do this." This is not just an offense as a reaction to some difficulties in a relationship, this is the deliberate punishment of the "naughty" partner... Emotional blackmail can be very painful, even if the victim realizes that the abuser partner is doing it deliberately in order to get them to behave in a certain way. This type of violence especially hurts those who have experienced this type of parental rejection in childhood. Unfortunately, this is often the case. Probably, each of us has repeatedly witnessed situations when children are told: "You behave badly, I am not friends with you." If you are being emotionally blackmailed, the best thing to do for yourself at this moment is.

Emotional blackmail must be distinguished from inevitable consequences. Inevitable consequences are those that arise regardless of your will, this is not done on purpose, and it cannot be changed or prevented. For example, resentment is a natural, spontaneous reaction to abuse from a loved one. Resentment consists of pain and anger, the purpose of which is to increase the distance. It is normal not to want to confidentially and closely communicate with the aggressor and this is not emotional blackmail.

5. Criticism of appearance, personality, character.

Any uninvited criticism concerning the qualities of a person is a violation of his boundaries. Unfortunately, this is such a common activity that it is often perceived as a normal part of communication. This is especially common in parent-child relationships.

Many parents think that it is their duty to point out to the child his "shortcomings", to remind him that he is lazy, inattentive, careless, that he has bad character and so on, because: "If not me, then who will tell him about it?"

But the problem is that any assessment is subjective, and besides, by negatively assessing the child, we form a negative self-concept for him and he will behave in the future only by confirming it. So there is no benefit from this, but there is a lot of harm. A negative assessment of a person is always unfair, because over-generalizes, it hurts, lowers a person's self-esteem and creates a feeling that something is wrong with him.

However, having received the experience of criticism from parents in childhood, even in adulthood, in close and not very close relationships, we can take criticism for granted or simply get lost, not knowing how to react to it. It seems to me that one of the acceptable answers is this: “I did not ask you to express your opinion about me. Please don't do this. "

6. Control, inadequate jealousy. Controlling the actions, movements, social circle of one person to another is rarely (but is it at all?) Voluntary on both sides, which means that the abuser invades the victim's personal space using manipulations, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, etc. At some point this, like other border violations, may seem like normal communication loving people... However, if this is unpleasant for you, then it is not normal.

My other articles are on the topic of destructive relationships.

Men and women are equally likely to suffer from psychological abuse.

You can often hear the opinion that anxiety disorder is a consequence of some kind of psychological trauma. In this article, I would like to show that anxiety disorder can also be a kind of weapon against psychological abuse.

Mobbing at school and at work leads a person to serious problems up to the desire to commit suicide. Mobbing at home, in the family is no different from him.

Imagine a person who comes to a psychologist's appointment and complains that he has panic attacks. It seems that working with a psychologist helps, but gradually it turns out that this person is hiding the fact of his cooperation with a psychologist from the family, because the mother is against it, and the girl is afraid of punishment.

• Mom will accuse me of being a bad mother, and dad for spending family money on a psychologist.
• How often do you hear reproaches addressed to you?
• Every day. We are together all the time. If it were not for them, I probably would have done everything wrong, and so they correct almost every action I take with the child. And I understand more and more that I can't do it alone.
• Have you ever been beaten?
• No they good people... I'm just a bad daughter. I shouldn't be angry about the reproaches, because they are for the cause. The husband says so too.
• How do you react?
• No way. I'm sorry. Especially often in front of dad. Because I prevent him from watching TV in the morning, he likes to wake up at 6 am out of habit, and I want to get some more sleep.

“Where is the violence here?” - every second reader who has not been in this situation will ask. Yes, actually, everywhere. And what does the girl's panic attacks have to do with it? Despite the fact that this is her only tool for survival in the current conditions. Since she began to suffer from panic attacks, she has been bullied a little less. And this is a more favorable option than many others. Some have to unconsciously hurt themselves to get others to stop doing it. And even, coming out of this veiled persecution healthy, this woman is unlikely to stop hearing the condemnation inside herself.

Methods of psychological violence.

Many people think that methods of psychological abuse should generate fear, like physical abuse. But their cunning lies in the fact that in a single form, acts of psychological violence are not remarkable at all. They begin to play an essential role only when they are repeated many times, like drops of water dripping onto the crown of the head.

Psychological abuse- this is a repeated repetition of actions that violate the psychological boundaries of a person strictly according to the rules of the rapist, for the sake of establishing control over this person, demonstrating the influence on him. The rapist broadcasts to the victim: “I'm influencing you. I am omnipotent. And you, the victim, are powerless. And you are my hostage. "

At any time, the perpetrator (s) can intervene in the victim's life (I influence you when I want to), and she can do nothing to prevent this in advance. Keyword — in advance... The victim feels defenseless to attack at any time of the day or night. When the tyrant wants, she will have to react, feel some emotions, do actions, disrupting all her plans, being distracted by it. (you will react when I want) She can respond very well to every blow. But the violence lies in the fact that she cannot prevent these attacks. Gradually, a tyrant or group of tyrants takes control of the victim's entire life. Over her things, personal space, self-esteem, thoughts, emotions, relationships with loved ones, career, etc. (you will have something in your life only if I allow / help / do not interfere). When trying to determine whether psychological violence is taking place, it is worth focusing rather on feeling of powerlessness rather than fear.

The degree of harm does not depend on the method, but on the strength and duration of the pressure, the degree of evidence of the pressure. If the pressure is not obvious, then it is more destructive. So banging a pencil on a table every time a person enters a room and refusing to stop can drive the person to complete loss of themselves if continued long enough and if that person has nowhere to go.

Some will say that, just think, you can just not react. Outwardly, you can not react. Internally it is impossible.

For clarity, imagine that on your mobile phone they call every hour - one and a half. Let's say you can't throw your phone away and don't turn off the sound (it's important for you not to miss other calls). You can not pick up the phone and you can hang up the call. But he will still call when you are at work, when you sleep, when you are walking with friends, when you are in bed with your loved one, when you eat, when you are in a store, at a lecture, at a meeting, when you are at a hairdresser, when playing football, when you are in the museum, when you are visiting someone in the ward, when your child is asleep. When you’re in an interview, when you’re in your boss’s office, when you’re on the toilet, when you’re driving, in line, in a sauna, or for a massage. Even this lengthy listing of places where he can ring is annoying. Everyone will hear this call. They will ask you questions, get annoyed, demand to stop it, but you ... cannot turn it off, because you will miss a call from someone who is dearest to you in the world. How many years can you stand? Do you think you'll get used to it? After a while, it will seem that addiction has come. This is a sign that reactions will no longer appear on emotional level rather on the bodily or in the form of symptoms of psychological disorders. This is how the psyche protects itself from every minute pain.

There are also favorite methods of psychological violence:

• Insult, humiliation, criticism
• Dominance: the requirement to report and agree on all decisions and actions (husbands / wives-tyrants, parents-tyrants),
• Ignoring or vice versa constant attempts to communicate, unwillingness to stop talking,
• threats and intimidation,
• blackmail,
• accusations,
• hints of unpleasant and disturbing aspects of a person's life,
• gaslighting (denial of reality, instilling in a person thoughts about his inadequacy in perception, reactions),
• violation of physical and social boundaries (the tyrant is rubbed into the trust of all the relatives of the victim),
• undermining self-esteem
• self-confidence as a person, professional, mother and other roles,
• attempts to constantly tease a person,
• grabbing and constantly holding attention to the tyrant,
• physical harassment and cyber harassment (stalking),
• the perpetrator harms himself if the victim does not want to fulfill his conditions (parents bullying adult children, tyrant children, stalkers),
• disguise as a victim, that is, the rapist accuses his victim of harming him by her existence or protection (victim blaming)
• constant change of the rules of the game unilaterally.

Instructions for use: for achievement good effect use regularly, at least once a day, every day choosing a new place and time of application. Sometimes give the victim a couple of days of silence so that they feel relaxed, hopeful, and less willing to fight.

What are the consequences of psychological abuse?

If violence occurs in the form of mobbing at school, at work and stalking, then post-traumatic stress syndrome can most often be stated. And already within its framework, depression, insomnia and pathological doubt. The consequences in these cases are similar to those of physical violence.

With bullying, families develop anxiety disorders such as: PA, OCD (including compulsive hair pulling, self-harm), eating disorders (bulimia, anorexia, vomiting), which serve as a means of adaptation to the situation, a weapon for defense. They allow you to somehow survive in this situation, remaining in the same system, without changing it directly, but changing it indirectly through the introduction of the disorder as a new "player" beyond the control of either the victim or the tyrant.

Examples of embedding anxiety disorder in the communication system in the family.

For example, womiting. The victim has a desire to "bite" the problem. Or not only seize, but also induce vomiting. It turns out that mom doesn't like it. which gives her daughter every day bad marks her abilities and appearance, requires her daughter to fully devote her attention to her parents, prohibits meeting men and expects to study only at the university chosen for her, and for loyalty she blackmails with money. Mom doesn't like her daughter's new "hobby". But the daughter objectively cannot stop herself, because she is addicted. She gets some relief due to the fact that at least something is out of her mother's control. (Now you cannot influence me in everything, I am not powerless / powerless)

Panic attacks or OCD with purity delusions may develop. Wild horror before the dirt becomes an essential argument that neither the man himself nor the tyrant, who now has to take off his shoes in separate place, help the victim to do something against his wishes. The victim herself could not defend the right to take into account her demands, now the symptom does it for her. The victim begins to influence the tyrant. (you are not omnipotent.)

Interdependence.

It would seem great. The method works. But paradoxically, the weapon turns against the victim himself. After all, the victim is dependent on the tyrant, otherwise he could not be a tyrant for her. Depression, PA, pathological doubt - all this keeps a person at home, the tyrant uses this to increase the feeling of powerlessness in the victim. Moreover, sometimes the victim can unconsciously maintain these disorders in order to ... stay with the tyrant, because by this time (and maybe even before that) her confidence in life without him can be reduced to a minimum, and the fear of independent life becomes stronger, than fear of constant pressure. (you are not omnipotent, but you were right too: I am powerless / powerless)

Let's go back to our story at the beginning of the article. The girl receives an hourly reproach for her actions in caring for her daughter, and every hour her actions are corrected. It is in conditions where it does not have its own territory. At any time, anyone can enter the room where she sleeps or takes care of herself and her daughter. At any time, a mother can take her granddaughter and do with her what she decides to do. She is being blackmailed with money. They inspire her with thoughts about her failure as a mother and personality, as well as thoughts about the illegality of her desires and needs. And then usually three or four people are united and poisoned already harmoniously. As a result, the girl begins to suffer from panic attacks if she remains at home alone (!). Parents scold her for this, accuse her of simulating, but there is nothing they can do about it. They have to change their behavior and the daughter gains some control over them, but more and more depends on them. (You are powerless, you are a hostage to us, you are a hostage to your child and you will not run away. We are omnipotent, and you will always be with us. We influence your life and will always influence. - No, you are not omnipotent. I can also to influence myself and even you ... but you are right .. I am powerless, now without you I cannot cope with my PA) The trap slammed shut.

Sometimes victims choose very radical methods of proving their ability to influence their lives. It's about suicide attempts. However, suicide = victory for the tyrant.

The victim can only win by becoming happy 🙂

Z What does all this have to the tyrant?

To solve your own psychological problems, of which there may be no count. Control over someone is one of the ways to achieve the illusion of control over your life and problems. He feels the strength at any moment to raise or lower the level of self-esteem of the victim, sees that at any moment, he can interfere with her plans or, on the contrary, help, switch attention to himself, make one get distracted from something. Love, if there is one, is put aside by the tyrant. When a man's eyes are obscured personal fears, then the perception of reality is distorted, he ceases to notice the suffering of others. Only when the fears recede does he see what he is doing.

What's the first thing to do?

Tell the psychologist that in addition to your anxiety disorder, you are also tormented by something in your relationship with this or that person. The procedure for dealing with anxiety disorders while constantly being under the yoke of psychological violence can change from case to case, and depends on the desires of the person himself: whether to stay with those with whom it is difficult, and build new way interaction, or find strength for an independent life, or try to stop crimes committed against a person. But work must be done on both issues. It can hardly be said that relieving pressure alone will solve the problem with anxiety disorder. By this time, it may already have its own independent structure. As well as vice versa: solving the problem with anxiety disorder will not improve relations with a loved one (if he is a tyrant), but a new anxiety disorder may arise, which will continue to play the role of a communicative ligament in a relationship.
.
But there is a weapon against mobbing. Study with a psychologist everything about your stalkers. Themselves, their motives, fears, strong and weaknesses... And it will become obvious why they chose you, why they succeed, which means it will immediately become obvious with what and how you can protect yourself.

You are strong. You will figure it out. And you don't have to do it alone.

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http: //site/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Dizajn-bez-nazvaniya-18.jpg 315 560 Anna Senina /wp-content/uploads/2018/11/3.pngAnna Senina 2016-08-01 19:20:30 2019-03-24 10:36:40 Psychological abuse.

Psychological abuse can take different shapes, from demeaning jokes to offensive remarks. Sometimes this form of violence is even difficult to identify. This article contains tips to help you identify signs of psychological abuse and protect yourself from such behavior.

Steps

Part 1

identify bullying

1. Be aware of the different forms of psychological abuse. They are always bullied in different ways. If you set out to display some general views such violence, you get the following:

   • Humiliation and criticism: When you are constantly belittled, condemned and criticized.
   • Domination, control: when you are treated like a child and you catch yourself thinking that you are constantly asking permission.
   • Denial and unreasonable demands: When the other person cannot accept guilt or apology and constantly denies the facts.
   • Isolation and disregard: when you are boycotted.
   • Codependency: Your personal boundaries are constantly being violated, you are used as a “vest”.

2. Remember gaslighting. Gaslighting is a psychological aggressive strategy, the purpose of which is to sow doubts in a person's own perception of reality and sanity. This is one of the most secretive forms of psychological violence, but at the same time it is extremely harmful. We can suffer from gaslighting if:

   • You are constantly reviewing your opinion.
   • You constantly apologize, even over trifles.
   • You know something is going terribly wrong, but you can't do anything about it.
   • It's hard for you to make a simple choice.
   • You wonder if you are too sensitive.

3. Remember what is normal in a normal relationship. Violence is sometimes difficult to define, especially if you have no idea what it really is - a normal relationship. If you feel like you are missing any of the following, then you are most likely experiencing psychological abuse.

   • Benevolence, emotional support.
   • The right to their own feelings and thoughts, even if they are different from the feelings and thoughts of another person.
   • Promotion of your interests and achievements.
   • No physical or emotional threats, including outbursts of anger.
   • Respectful address to you, not allowing derogatory nicknames or other verbal humiliation.

   Part 2

   we solve the problem of psychological abuse

   1. Ponder the state of the problem in a calm atmosphere. You shouldn't try to solve the problem through arguments. Even if you are completely right, there will be no sense from this, but the harm will be in excess. Instead, consider less conflicting solutions to the problem:

      • Ask the other person if you can talk it over calmly. Instead of throwing the words "mental abuse", talk about how, in your opinion. could make your relationship better. Use more of the pronoun "I", speak in the first person, and do not throw accusations with the pronoun "you".
      • Write a letter. If it seems to you that a heart-to-heart conversation will not work, then put your thoughts on paper. The advantage of this method is that you can write everything as constructively as possible, saying exactly what is in your heart. Make a few drafts and avoid direct accusations that can inflame the addressee's anger. Instead of “you are kidding me and I hate it” write something like I feel like I’m being humiliated and teased. ”

   2. Get support. True friend or a relative who will listen and understand, to whom you can open your feelings - this is priceless. Plus, if your relationship does fall apart, it might be nice to have someone around to help you get through it.

      • No need to contact your mutual friend. This will only put him in a very, very unpleasant position. Instead, reach out to someone you know well, but who doesn't know your abuser.
      • Don't get discouraged. Yes, cry in a friend's waistcoat difficult time can. You shouldn't turn it into something for which you are, in fact, “friends”. Otherwise, the "vest" and may be offended, and then you will have not 1, but 2 pieces of spoiled relationships. So do not become limp, do not fall into despair and ... your nose is higher!

   3. Seek professional help. If you can no longer cope with the problem on your own, then contact a professional. Find a therapist or family counselor who specializes in emotional abuse and make an appointment as soon as possible.

      • If the financial aspect limits the choice, look for municipal institutions with specialists in the appropriate profile.
      • It doesn't matter what happens to the relationship later, whether it persists or not. It is important to consult a professional. If your abuser is not interested in participating, then you can simply focus on healing your mental wounds, and then you can move on with your life.
      • If the situation seems to be developing in a threatening way, leave the abuser's society as soon as possible. Have a friend or family member by your side, or contact your local violence survivor protection center.
   4. If by family reasons you cannot leave your abuser (say, children are very fond of him, etc.), then even if things are going very badly, remember - you endure it for the sake of the family. The victim, of course, is a noble one, but it doesn't hurt to ask for help. Even if moral or religious reasons prevent you from separating, or you do not want to separate the children and the parent, there is an option - to live separately for a while. It helps.
   5. If you cannot contact the police because your abuser is a policeman himself or someone else in power, carefully plan your ... escape. Stock up on money and ... run, run. Better - to another region. If you have someone to go to, then it's even better.

   Warnings

   • Psychological violence may well become physical, and then everything will be much more complicated. In this case, seek help from law enforcement and start keeping a diary. Store it in a safe place, write down everything that happened to you, not forgetting the dates. If you have been injured, take pictures of them or film them. It will be better if a friend takes the photo and signs it as a witness.

What is psychological abuse? This is pressure on a person in order to humiliate him and destroy him morally. It is especially scary when this is practiced in the family. Who needs it and why, and most importantly - how to get rid of psychological abuse, read below.

Definition

What is psychological abuse? This is a form of bullying, in which the tyrant daily lowers his victim's self-esteem, criticizes him and controls every step. Most often, wives are subjected to psychological violence by their husbands, but it also happens vice versa. Men thus try to assert themselves and feel more masculine. Physical and psychological abuse often go hand in hand.

Views

• Imposing your own opinion. The tyrant tries to completely take over the soul of his victim. He inspires her with his own assertions, and he does it so cleverly and covertly that it would never occur to anyone that a suggestion was made. In some ways, this type of psychological abuse is similar to hypnosis.
• Disregard for the opinions of others. This type of psychological abuse can be seen as selfishness. The person does not want to help around the house, go to the store or go to work. The tyrant sits on the victim's shoulders and hangs his legs.
• Another type of psychological abuse is criticism. The tyrant's eternal displeasure may be unfounded. For example, a person may cling to a mess in the house, and immediately after a general cleaning.
• Blackmail. The tyrant tells the victim that if she does not fulfill his demands, he will leave the family or use physical violence.
• Control. Surveillance and reporting requests are signs that you are living with a tyrant. No sane person will demand that you recount every minute how your day went.

Over children

Domestic psychological abuse is very often committed by parents against their children. AND young creatures can't even understand that something is wrong. They have nothing to compare with. They sincerely think that in all families, parents treat children badly, demand too much, and constantly humiliate them. Psychological abuse of children is most often practiced by weak and downtrodden parents. No one from the outside can even think that this person can belittle his child. Everyone wants to be loved and respected. And, if a person is underestimated at work, and he does not want to spoil the relationship with his soul mate, then the anger will break out on the child.

Children can suffer from the psychological abuse of overly active parents. Adults can take their child to all the circles, decide for the child what to do, where to go and what, as well as what and where to say. And it seems normal when it comes about a 3-year-old kid, but if a 10-year-old teenager finds himself in this situation, then we can safely say that something is going wrong.

Over wife

Most often men act as tyrants. They commit psychological abuse of children and wives. How is this manifested? The man controls the family. Neither a child nor a woman can leave the house without permission. If a wife can go anywhere, so only with her man. In general, the victim has no personal property. Accounts in social networks the couple have common, you cannot put a lock on the phone. In such a situation, it is difficult to remain yourself, and the tyrant takes advantage of this. He inspires the victim with the idea that it is good and safe at home, and that you need to stay here. In this way, any opinions can be instilled, and the victim will consider them their own.

A man can humiliate a woman, tell her that she is terrible, stupid, has no talents. In this way, the tyrant rises in his eyes, because his victim considers him smart and handsome.

Over husband

Unfortunately, psychological violence in the family is a frequent practice. Women who cannot self-actualize try to increase their self-esteem at the expense of others. They marry henpecked and twirl them as they want. How is the psychological violence of women manifested? In reproaches and threats. A woman is always unhappy that her husband earns little, visits friends, or spends too much time in the garage. The wife can make scandals every day, break dishes and apply various manipulations.

Why don't men leave the family in this case? Tyransha can inspire her victim that all women are the same, and she is an angel in the flesh. And the man is to blame for all the scandals, because he is bad, inattentive and uncaring. A man can sincerely believe in this and even experience remorse, and completely unjustified.

Over the parents

Psychological violence in the family can also come from children. Any child is good at manipulation. Some parents can recognize them, while others cannot. If the child is late and very desirable, the mother can doted on him and fulfill any of his demands. And sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. Parents have to spend their last money on the purchase of an expensive toy, otherwise the child will throw a scandal, refuse to eat or deliberately bring deuces. Parents are often manipulated by teenagers by telling them that if their desires are not met, they can commit suicide or leave home.

Psychological abuse of children is sometimes very cruel. If a child is spoiled, then he will grow up to be an egoist who, in general, will not reckon with his parents. For example, he will take the pension from elderly parents and spend it on entertainment, going to the club and even on drugs.

How to recognize early psychological abuse

It is difficult at first glance to understand a tyrant person or not. When starting a romance, people can fall in love and wear rose-colored glasses. Any sins of your soulmate will be forgiven. Total control will be perceived as a concern. Psychological abuse of a lover begins only after the wedding. Tyrants believe that a stamp in a passport allows them to take any action with their victim.

How can you avoid falling into the hands of a villain? One must always give an account of other people's actions. If a person does not give you free space, this should be the first alarm bell. If your criticism comes too often, and sometimes it is inadequate, this should also be a signal to escape. It should be understood that people do not change after the wedding. You can get to know a person closer only by living with him for some time. Therefore, do not rush things. As they say: trust, but verify.

If in the early stages of a relationship a person requires you to choose between him and your friends, this should tell you something. Normal people will not restrict freedom of communication. If a person justifies his unwillingness to communicate with your friends by the fact that they are stupid and there is nothing to talk to them about, then it is worth parting with the tyrant, and not close people who love and support you.

You shouldn't build a relationship with someone who is selfish and arrogant. Make sure that your significant other knows how to do noble deeds and does not expect rewards and other honors for them.

How to pacify the offender

The victim of psychological abuse should not play by the rules set by the tyrant. If your husband criticizes you, you shouldn't take his words for granted. You should think about whether he is right, and ask the man to argue his position. You need to be able to distinguish real criticism from the desire to lower someone else's self-esteem.

If your lover is trying to control you, you need to weaken iron grip... You should explain to her that you should have personal space, and there is nothing wrong with spending time separately.

If groundless scandals occur in a family every day, you need to find a reason for them. It is not worth eliminating the consequence. Perhaps your significant other wants to hint at something, but veils their true purpose too much. Try to ask directly what she or he needs, and if the desire is adequate, then it is worth fulfilling it.

It is difficult to live with a person who does not care about everything. But after all, people marry according to mutual consent... Therefore, if feelings have cooled down and your significant other is ignoring you, you need to bring more romance into the relationship. You should spend more time together and find a common hobby. Any relationship is based on positive memories. If there are not very many of them, then it's time to create them. Get busy active species sports. It can be something casual, like skiing, or something less trivial, like horse riding. Tourism is another way to build relationships. After going on a hike, people are forced to spend a lot of time together. Moreover, in extreme situations, you have to support each other both physically and mentally. For example, you can go kayaking down the river, or just go fishing with friends for a week.

How to help someone who is being attacked

The victim of violence, first of all, must understand herself in what situation she is. If your friend lives with a tyrant, but does not know about it, you should open her eyes. It must be said that not all men belittle their beloved. After all, why are families being created? So that people can enjoy each other's company, and not be afraid to go home. It is not curtains or expensive furniture that create coziness in an apartment. A good atmosphere is supported by love.

A woman who is afraid of her husband should know that she is not at all ashamed to ask for help. Psychological abuse is dangerous, because it can drive a person crazy or lead him to suicide. The woman who got into difficult situation, it is her own fault. If a man morally presses her, then she allows him to do it. Divorce won't the best option... First you need to change yourself, and only then demand from others good attitude... After all, tyrants choose weak-minded individuals as their victims. You need to become strong and confident. Yes, the tyrant in this situation will resist, but after all, his own fate is at stake, and one should live in pleasure. You don't need to be afraid of what people will say about you.

If a man finds himself in a difficult situation with psychological abuse, his friends need to help him. It is necessary to raise a person's self-esteem, perhaps offer him to undergo psychological training on leadership. Women love strong men... Most likely, the wife will even be only glad when her husband takes the burden of responsibility into his own hands and will definitely take off his iron gloves.

What to do as a preventive measure

The types of psychological violence are different, and accordingly, the counteraction to them should not be the same. But it’s better not to solve problems than to create them. How to make it so that close person did not become a tyrant? You should always leave free space in people's lives. Do not be afraid that someone better than you can take it. Such a thought does not occur to a person with high self-esteem... If a person wants to change you, then he will find a way, even if you follow him. To prevent this, you should maintain romance in the relationship. Give flowers, arrange romantic dinners, spend time together, go to the movies and go to the skating rink. There are tons of ways you can add thrill to your relationship without resorting to jealousy and cheating.

So that a person does not try to assert himself at your expense, always support his self-esteem. high level... It's not just girls who love compliments, keep that in mind. Men also want to know that they are wonderful and that their significant other loves them no matter what. You should respect the friends of your chosen one, because these are his close people. And, even if you don't like them, try to come to terms with them. In no case should you insult the parents of a loved one. After all, relatives are support and support, you should understand this.

And the main thing that many people forget is that one should talk. Do not accumulate grievances, because otherwise they will be able to break out with any slight disagreement. Solve problems as they arise. If you do not like something in your chosen one, do not hesitate to inform about it. A person does not always see his shortcomings, therefore, an opinion with sides will go only for the benefit.

Or maybe leave?

Victims of psychological abuse often ask this question, but they cannot decide on a responsible step. As mentioned above, and for good reason. After all, as you know, you cannot run away from yourself. Understand that people treat you the way you let them. A person with low self-esteem can cry into a pillow over a difficult fate, but absolutely nothing will be done to alleviate his fate. It is worth considering, perhaps, you were pushed around before marriage. Or maybe the problem comes from childhood? It often happens that a girl whose father was a tyrant in the family believes that all men behave the same. In this case, she will simply force her chosen one to command her and belittle her dignity. You should be well versed in your feelings and understand where they come from. If something does not suit you, change, for sure no one will judge you.

Of course, there are situations when the victim is not guilty of anything, and she is tyrannized for nothing. In this case, leaving is simply necessary. Why endure bullying? Yes, the tyrant will not want to part with you simply. He will sing songs that he will definitely change, only he needs to be given a 150th chance. Remember, people don’t change if they don’t have something. good reason... Therefore, leave with your head held high and do not look back.

But what if the tyrant does not want to stop communicating even after parting? He may call, visit your parents and cry to them. Don't believe it. Time changes people, but not in a month, and sometimes even a year is not enough. You can offer the tyrant friendship, but nothing more. Appreciate yourself, your time and your life.