A love triangle is a type of relationship between people that implies romantic feelings between two participants in the situation for the same person (independently of each other, secretly, openly or legalized, depending on the structure of society and the level of development of moral values among the participants). An open and recognized triangle can be observed in countries and societies where polygamy is accepted as the structure of family life (applicable to both women) or by the consent of all parties for whom this type of relationship is acceptable. In such a situation, people do not have problems or questions about how to properly get out of a love triangle.
Trouble begins when this kind of relationship arises in a society adhering to monogamy, and has a close connection with conflict situations, since this state of affairs does not suit at least one of the parties. The course of this depends on the influence of society and the attitudes inherent in it, so a person of completely free views can, under the pressure of the opinions of others, pack his things and leave the triangle, although this situation is quite bearable for him and is in some ways beneficial.
Gender characteristics also influence further actions: in triangles with two men, everything develops more rapidly and ends in failure quite quickly, because in addition to the genetically inherent spirit of competition and struggle for territory, men are raised from childhood with the confidence that betrayal cannot be forgiven. And triangles with two women can be quite durable and stable, because if none of them feels disadvantaged in any way (from financial to emotional support), then no one will leave. In addition, it is customary to feel sorry for women in such a situation, which gives an incidental secondary benefit, and a man who is constantly in light feeling guilt, becomes sensitive, generous and attentive.
The reasons for love triangles are varied, as are everyone's personal needs. This may include the impossibility of full expression with one partner, fading of feelings or lack of something in a relationship, unconscious attitudes, resistance to find everything necessary traits in one person, the desire to escape from one's own.
What to do with a love triangle?
There are several options for dealing with a situation with a love triangle, some are trying to quickly leave such conditions, while others are deliberately thinking about creating a triple relationship, and the difference in behavior will depend on the difference in the reasons for the creation.
The causes of love triangles may be due to a lack of brightness own life(both the triangle and mountaineering will raise the adrenaline level of such a person with equal success), or they may lie in the desire to reduce excess stress and save their own mental strength (breaking up with a previous partner and establishing contact with a new one are energy-consuming activities, but the distribution of one’s nervous tension between two people provides double and constant support).
Only on one side does it seem that the triangle is beneficial to only one participant; in fact, it is a fairly stable figure of relationships that closes the participants. So before you blame your partner, listen to what personal injuries this situation allows you to cover up. This may be a fear of establishing a direct relationship with your partner, and then it is very convenient to transform the anxiety and horror of your own worldview into anger about the presence of a third-party connection. This may be an unpreparedness for a serious and meaningful relationship, so a busy person who is incapable of this moment to build something monumental (it often happens that as soon as a person makes a choice between two partners, both leave, because now they have to build a real relationship, and not a demo version, for which there was no internal readiness, resources and experience). This may be a reluctance to make choices and take responsibility, aggravating the situation until the other two participants decide everything themselves (infantile position of avoidance).
A love triangle should push, first of all, to study one’s own mental traumas and resources in order to subsequently make the most nutritious decision in terms of energy and mental health - this could be a decision to stay and continue, realizing that if destroyed, you will lose more valuable things, and there may be a decision to immediately leave, as to save one’s own life and the integrity of one’s manifestation.
It is important to keep in mind that with the direct and thoughtless elimination of a third participant, the most common consequences are either the destruction of tandem relationships, or the emergence of a new third participant. Since the very fact of the emergence of a third participant in a relationship occurs due to the destabilization of the system of relationships, and then the third person, taking on part of the energy, balances the relationship and allows it not to fall apart. Without working through internal conflicts, such situations will return, if not by the appearance of new lovers, then by interfering with the lives of relatives and friends, communicating through children - the ways of not meeting directly with a real person are endlessly varied.
When clarifying relationships to further determine actions, talk as equals, no matter what role you are in. Accusations, feelings of guilt and shame, reproaches and calls to conscience will be relevant for your neighbors, who will want to discuss all the details and give their “expert opinion”, and there should be an equal dialogue between you, because a family is a system and changing one element is impossible without changing all of them, and everyone is involved in this situation (through their actions or inactions, impulsive reactions or concealing feelings).
Getting out of a relationship that does not bring happiness and has no prospects, including a triangle, even if you feel disgusting within the situation, can be problematic and will force you to face many difficulties added by the participants in the process and your own internal demons becoming actualized.
But there are ways to get out of a love triangle correctly, different for everyone. For someone who has arranged a triple relationship, it is worth deciding which of the participants he needs most. Situations can be different and in the face of the collapse of everything, it may turn out that the great new love turned out to be just a hobby, or that the previous relationship no longer exists, or maybe, on the most honest level, neither partner is needed. Having decided, act clearly and purposefully, remember that the triangular system strives for constancy, the partner from whom you decided to leave can become extremely charming, or may use threats, provocations and blackmail. You should show perseverance, leave once, without forgetting things, without calling for old times sake, and especially without running from one thing to another. It won't end there, it will just begin. Your own mental pain will begin, you will begin to get used to your chosen partner at a new level, overcome trust problems and much more.
For those who were the first permanent partner, it will be relevant to think about what was beneficial for you. It is possible that you have long wanted to end this relationship, but did not allow yourself to leave for no reason, or perhaps you like to play the leading role, against the backdrop of your partner’s guilt. If you decide to break off this relationship, then just leave, and if you decide to destroy the triangle as a type of existence, and the partner himself is still dear and loved to you, then take courage, not expecting that everything will go away on its own, and communicate your reluctance to continue in this way spirit. Then all you have to do is wait for the partner to choose, perhaps not in your favor, but this will be a way out of a triple relationship. The important point is to wait calmly (without wringing your hands and feeding borscht) and at a distance (live somewhere else).
If you are involved in a triple relationship, then understand your own motives. If you want serious actions from a person and a future together, you should leave the triangle by informing him of your reluctance to be in this format of relationship. After this, you stop all interaction and wait certain time(discuss in advance, for example, that a person has two weeks to make a decision and complete things), and then, depending on this choice, you either meet him on the threshold or mark the end of a painful relationship. Try to make a balanced decision and not dismiss the situation, look at your partner as a person who constantly keeps you and your loved one in suspense, think about whether the situation will change fundamentally or whether you will begin to play a different role in the same triangular figure.
Whatever role you are in, the only thing remains equally important for everyone - if intolerance and a true desire to leave appear (and not a demonstrative manipulative performance in order to increase your importance), you should act as soon as possible. Triangular systems are addictive in their stability, and with every extra day spent there, the opportunities to leave the triangle will decrease, and determination will begin to evaporate into thin air. It won’t be easy, it will be hard, it will be painful and it will be unclear how to live on, but these wounds can be licked, strength can be restored, and life guidelines can be found if you direct your energy not to self-destruction (in trying to wash down your grief with alcohol), but to. By continuing to be in such a relationship, you save energy at this moment, avoiding making a decision, sorting out the relationship, possibly a scandal, but thereby dooming yourself to energetic and mental devastation, since simple triple relationships take up much more energy in the final calculation than complex ones, but open tandem.
A love triangle has always been a stumbling block on the path to happiness. Therefore, it has always been, is and will be the basis of most literary works, and in life itself it is an active link that shapes the relationship between a man and a woman. In the twentieth century, sexual revolutions took place, various feminist movements were organized, there is a large difference in the number of men and women due to mass death men in wars and conflicts.
There is another, not so visible, but extremely important reason for the current situation - the masculinity of women and the femininity of men. These and many other reasons sharply weakened family ties and made the love triangle a norm of life, in some places even a legalized form of relationship between a man and a woman.
IN Lately and in Russia all this also manifested itself clearly. Many restraining factors were removed: the moral code of the builder of communism, party committees and local committees... The family has not been valued for the last 80 years, it was some kind of “cell”, and the double morality of society permeated the family. And now we have studies confirming not only the possibility, but also the necessity of the existence of a love triangle.
In particular, S. N. Lazarev in the well-known book “Diagnostics of Karma” writes: “You have a jealous wife. The more stable family relationships, the stronger she clings to them, the higher her aggression towards you. Since you are a harmonious person, all this flies back, and she may die. In your case, being faithful to your wife will be a sin.” Is not the only example in his books, proving the necessity of adultery to save a loved one.
The above version of the relationship is possible, and in life it occurs quite often. And here he is also given a “karmic” explanation: “Go for a walk, Vasya, with this you are saving your wife!” It’s rare that a man will refuse such a remedy! Is this a delusion of such an authoritative specialist? But it’s true that many people act this way, not even understanding why they do this - and they save their family, at the very least making it last until the end of their lives.
The wife can guess, and sometimes even knows, about her husband’s other life, but she endures it for the sake of the children, so as not to remain lonely. Agree that in such a family it is very difficult to reveal true love, create happiness and it is impossible to create a Couple. Then children follow the same path, but in a worse version, unwinding the downward spiral of problems.
Is this the only and best option for saving the family? Lazarev's delusion is built on the fact that he does not see, in in this case, deeper reasons and therefore offers incorrect solutions. A the reasons lie in the non-disclosure of male and female qualities . Even if a more “harmonious” man cannot help his wife reveal her femininity, remove pride and jealousy, then he is not a man enough!
Psychoanalysts have established that a man who moves among many women is an insecure, complex, undeveloped, not self-sufficient person who cannot cope with women in the whole range of everyday and social issues and therefore tries to assert himself through sexual activity.
Masculinity cannot be equated with sexuality. It is this identification that gives rise to misconceptions and many problems. Men are taught from childhood that sexuality is a measure of masculinity. Hence the stereotype was born that all men are males, and on the basis of this, they build relationships with them, thereby justifying their unmasculine actions.
Masculinity carries within itself the ability to create an initial impulse in all spheres of existence, and not in just one. And the wider the spectrum of a man’s creative impulses, the more courageous he is. Men call the highest quality generosity, that is, the presence of a big soul, revealed in its entirety!
Of course, becoming even more of a man in the family is much more difficult than finding another, at first glance, more harmonious woman. These are the “not quite men” who spend their entire lives looking for harmony on the side, forgetting ancient wisdom that there is only one woman in the world, but with different faces. That is, in your wife you can and must find everything that is in all women in the world! This is the sign of a real man! The same applies equally to women!
I am sure: every person is the world, this is the universe, every person has everything! By loving and cognizing this universe, you love and cognize the whole World. And this means that you change, that you live, that you are always interesting, and the person next to you also changes, which means that he will also always be interesting to you.
Constantly changing yourself eliminates the emergence of a love triangle. After all, most often searching on the side is a search for something new. Being scattered, you may not feel love fully until the end of your life, and you may not come to an understanding of at least one person.
Such a difficult but blessed path can be walked, relying on love, wisdom, and creatively approaching every, even the smallest life situation. Through this, inner freedom is revealed and responsibility is fostered. Thus, the growth of spirituality occurs, the deepest humanity is revealed.
In such a family, love, happiness grow and the wonderful destinies of the next generations are formed. But, unfortunately, not everyone can follow this path yet - there is not enough knowledge, wisdom, will, love. And that’s why divorces happen and families break up.
If only people felt responsible for their every step, and especially in such a delicate and important issue as the relationship between a man and a woman! It is this area of relationships that gives rise to the greatest problems in life, but it is from here that happiness and true creativity begin.
And in the hands of the person himself, and not fate or someone from the outside, is this key, with the help of which you can direct life along one path or another. That's why, every meeting between a man and a woman, especially if there is a rapprochement between soul and body, is exclusively an important event for the World and leaves a big mark on the destinies of these people and subsequent generations.
You need to know that all relationships leave a mark in a person’s information field (in the biofield). In biology, the term “morphogenic field” is known, and researchers use traces of this field to explain some incomprehensible facts. For example, a woman can give birth to a child from her husband that is similar to her old love. That is, information about another person can be stored in the morphogenic field for a long time, especially if there was strong love there. These extraneous traces are removed through absolute trust and love!
Of course, turning the routine of family everyday life and complex, with many layers, relationships in the family into a holiday of soul and body is much more difficult than organizing this holiday on the side. Yes, it is difficult to show more and more love to a loved one, not just difficult, but very difficult. Especially if the other party does not want this love (but this is only at first glance!), it is easier to recharge on the side.
But by choosing the easy path, a person turns the arrows of his destiny into a very difficult, and often dead-end, option. It is necessary to realize the responsibility of even “simple” sex on the side for rest and relaxation - each such meeting also leaves a mark on fate, and sooner or later it will make itself felt.
Unfortunately, there are many structures on Earth that strive to separate a man and a woman, since two in love is a tremendous force that can create a lot of beautiful things in the World, but some people don’t like it and go against their interests.
The interests are known: to keep a person in line, increasing his suffering, feeding his negative sides. For example, one woman who fell in love with a married man was inspired in a dream with the following thoughts: “Wish the death of your loved one’s wife,” “Wish the death of your husband and everything will be well.”
There are many mechanisms that lead a person away from great love and happiness towards suffering. One of these mechanisms is the impact on the human sexual center. When a person is lustful, it is easier to control him. It’s just that at the right moment the program turns on and people, like zombies, rush at each other... Lust values the body, not the soul. Lust and interest on the side also arise when one of the parties emphasizes the soul over the body and does not want to “stoop” to sexual relations.
A person is initially free, and when he finds himself within the family, there is a struggle between internal state freedom and external lack of freedom. In the beginning, when there is love between a man and a woman, the desire for freedom finds its fulfillment in her, and they both feel comfortable with each other. But this state exists as long as love-joy lives between them, love that gives and does not demand anything in return!
As soon as one of them develops love-property, saying: “You are mine!”, problems begin. Then the soul, on which they are trying to impose bonds of property, begins to rush around and look for a way out. On this basis, “triangles” are born, and divorces occur, as well as alcoholism and the premature death of men.
The sense of ownership strains the whole world. He does not like for anyone to single out some part of Him for themselves and take it as their own. The world loves unification and possession on the basis of Love-Joy. And the greater the feeling of ownership towards the husband and wife, the more problems there are in the path of this family, the more difficult the fate of the children. In many families, it is necessary to get rid of the sense of ownership over one's spouse and find interaction based on freedom and responsibility, respect and love.
Based on the above, the question is legitimate: is divorce and the creation of a new family good or bad? Many will say: this is bad! But is this so clear? One cannot be categorical on such a delicate issue. Let's start with the fact that now almost every person leaving the parental nest is a “semi-finished product.”
And don’t be indignant, and don’t be offended - look around! What do parents have? Often loneliness at a young age or remarriages; an obviously bad or “normal” relationship that has deep problems behind it. One woman said: “My husband died a long time ago, I have no problems.”
But if the husband dies or dies before the age of seventy or eighty, it means that there remains an unsolved task that falls on the children. Another woman had three husbands pass away, but she still did not want to understand that the reason was her. She said: “Yes, they were all drunkards.” So, parents shift all their unresolved problems onto the shoulders of their children, and they initially go into life with a burden of problems.
Let's take another aspect: how ready are young people for family life? How are they taught this? They don’t teach at all! What is learned through self-education, what is learned through the relationships of parents, neighbors, relatives, friends, what is learned through movies and books. All these examples are far from the best. And those who enter life tell themselves that they will live better! Which is better? And what does “better” mean? How to get rid of problems caused by parents?
They don't have this knowledge. Therefore, I responsibly say that those entering life are semi-finished products, that is, the source material is there, but it still needs to be refined. And who will finalize it? After all, two such semi-finished products meet and try to remake each other, create a family, give life to a new person. What will be his fate?
Therefore, I cannot in one way or another specific situation say that you can't get a divorce. Someone will have to go to the second round, or even to the third... until he matures and gains wisdom through his mistakes. Often, trying in every possible way to save a family that does not exist, and without taking any steps to change themselves first, people create even greater evil for themselves, for their children, for the World. Many people create families without love, and then live without it their whole lives, without even thinking about learning to love. But this is not life! This is existence. What can such parents give their children?
Therefore, if a person, being in such a marriage, finds love, then he has a real chance to create a happy family and somehow improve the fate of his children. But many women are afraid of this step. They are held back by fear of troubles, condemnation and gossip, loneliness, and the fear of bearing the stigma of being a divorcee. Often hampered by housing and financial issues.
A slavish psychology, brought up on an incorrect worldview, prevents you from taking a decisive step. A person’s individuality is often not revealed, the personality is oppressed, the programs of Domostroy, the dogmas of religions, and the morality of the “scoop” are embedded in the head. All this prevents a person from taking the right step in life.
Of course, this is not a simple question. The following information may be helpful to make the right decision. When creating a new family, you need to know that you can transfer unsolved problems from the previous one to it. And, so that there are fewer problems in the new family, it is advisable to resolve several issues.
Firstly, have no complaints about the previous half. You need to understand that both made mistakes, and take responsibility for what happened, no matter how clearly the guilt of the other side is visible. It’s even better to ask each other for forgiveness, at least mentally. Such repentance will greatly ease the responsibility for mistakes and the necessary work of the soul will be accomplished. It is necessary to ensure that resentment, pain, aggression, that is, all negative thoughts, feelings and actions towards the former spouse, go away as quickly as possible, no matter how the circumstances develop!
Secondly, every effort must be made to ensure that the love in the new family constantly grows! Only in this way can you quickly and without problems solve the problems of a previous marriage, alleviate family problems and build happy life for yourself and your children. If you are ready to fulfill these conditions, then go ahead! And if you have serious doubts and don’t feel enough love and will in yourself, then try to find a solution in your previous family.
I say again, there is always a solution! Another thing is that at the moment, in this state, it can be difficult to find this solution. Here, the help of a wise person who will explain the situation is desirable, but the decision must be made by the one who created this situation. In my opinion, the best steps, especially when the issue is unclear, is to work on yourself: realize your mistakes that led to this problem and begin to correct them, revealing your qualities.
Let's consider the psychoenergetic interaction in a love triangle. The chapter “Forms of manifestation of love” talked about “love of the mind,” “heart love,” and “eros love.” We also use this visual form here in order to more clearly imagine the processes taking place in the family and around it, and the reasons for their occurrence.
When a Pair exists, then all the energies of one interact with the corresponding energies of the other without remainder (see Fig. 4a). As soon as any difficulties arise in the Pair, a gap appears in the corresponding energy exchange. The world does not like emptiness, and this gap will strive to be filled with something. For example, a wife is not interested in her husband’s life; he cannot talk to her about business and problems.
In this case, a man can get the missing energy through the work itself (love of work), through friends and colleagues with whom he can talk, or through an employee who understands him (see Fig. 4b). There may not be a close relationship with her, but that is for the time being. The bridgehead, as they say, already exists, and if any other difficulties arise in Pair, it may increase.
Quite often, the area of intimate relationships is not sufficiently resolved in families. Since sexual energies are very strong, their incorrect distribution creates the greatest problems (see Fig. 4c).
Third typical case- when a woman gives too much love to her children, pushing her husband aside (see Fig. 4d). In this case, the man’s heart and soul remain free, and he tries to find an “outlet” for himself. It could be: fishing, hunting, chess, alcohol or another, “heartfelt” woman who feels him, warms him... The ancient treatise on love “Peach Branch” talks about the relationship of all three components of true love like this:
« Human drives have three sources - soul, mind and body. The attraction of souls gives rise to friendship. The attraction of the mind generates respect. The attraction of the body gives rise to desire. The combination of three attractions gives rise to love».
Let's consider another example given further in the book by S. N. Lazarev. The woman (again, to save her life and build happiness in the family) “... is given the most gentle option: she comes to the groom the day before the wedding and finds him in bed with another woman. She doesn’t judge him and doesn’t try to kill her feeling. This means that the lead on your loved one and family has been removed. They live in perfect harmony and will be allowed to have a stable relationship.” Amazing woman! Even grains of jealousy are alien to her! Are there such people on earth?
This can happen in the following cases. Firstly, if there is no love, but there is complete indifference. This can happen when there is a marriage of convenience and everyone lives their own life. But then it is impossible to live life in perfect harmony. And is there a soul here? This option is shown in the film, where in one American city men chose robot wives for themselves. They were wonderful housewives and women, had absolutely no negative qualities, but they also had no soul.
Secondly, this option is possible when there is a relationship between spouses based on free love. But, in this case, the Couple cannot exist. Here a contradiction arises between freedom and responsibility. In the third option, when there is the highest spirituality, which can forgive everything and everyone, and love the whole World, such a situation cannot exist in principle. A person with such spirituality will not find himself in such a situation, he is simply not worthy of it!
True spirituality, based on love and wisdom, is active and saves a loved one not by searching for a lover and mistress, but by constant long-term work to discover love in oneself and create a Couple free people. There is a misconception that love either exists or it doesn’t, that it is a gift from above.
And if so, then there is no point in trying to discover it - it’s easier to start looking for it: the world is big, it’s bound to be found somewhere. Let us remember the words of Erich Fromm: “Is love really an art? If yes, then it requires work and knowledge.” Most people, having lived their entire lives, never know that love requires work, and the greatest thing in life !
Love based on respect awakens in a person activity, freedom, creativity, the desire to be better, adds strength, and cultivates responsibility. But if there is love a pity, then appears attachment, which extinguishes freedom and activity, and develops dependency. Pity is based on maternal, animal instincts, on the egoistic “mine”. This is also evidenced by the following example: a grandfather lived in the village, and he loved his animals very much. When he died, within nine days all the animals died.
The projection of one myth onto today's life is interesting. Ancient Greek mythology says that only three goddesses were beyond the control of the goddess of love, Aphrodite: the virgin Artemis the huntress; Athena, born in full armor from the head of Zeus; the goddess of the hearth, who took a vow of celibacy, is Hestia. In today's women, the features of these crowned great-great-grandmothers are quite often and clearly manifested.
The traits of Artemis are easily visible in sensitive, romantic girls who are waiting for a prince, not wanting to open their hearts to just anyone. And so they can wait all their lives, remaining alone, or they leave, in the end, not out of love, but out of necessity.
Nowadays there are a lot of women who have the traits of Athena, the main one of which is rationality: after all, the goddess appeared from the head of Zeus! These are emancipated women before whom men give in. They do not allow love to take over them - everything is determined by the mind. Marriages and children are also planned. I once asked such a woman: “What do you like most in a man?” She replied: “Head!”
Another smart woman convinced her daughter that the main advantage of a man is his intelligence. And she fell in love with a good, kind guy who was missing stars from the sky. After some time, the “attitude” towards being smart did its job - she began to respect her husband less and less, problems began... For such women, the heart is under the thumb of the mind.
The traits of Hestia are manifested in women housewives, for whom family is the main goal of life, and it doesn’t matter that there is no love - the main thing is that everything is in the house, the children are healthy. This is a very characteristic type of woman in Russia. Since ancient times, the woman-mother has been the most revered image. Read what such hypertrophied motherhood leads to in the chapter “Maternal Love”. One woman set herself a program: to give birth to a child “for herself,” and, upon leaving the maternity hospital, she said: “I want to be fat so that no one will pester me.”
It is clear that in all of the listed cases and the many variants to them, children are born without love, and this creates many problems. Almost always, a woman, being married, acquires qualities that are different from those of a girl. She becomes a means of childbearing, a housekeeper, a housekeeper, a teacher of children... and very rarely - a lover. The humiliation and enslavement of women, which has very deep roots, is manifested, to some extent, in today's families.
A man consciously or unconsciously tries to develop in his wife what he received from his mother. And on top of that, work is equal to that of a man. With such a load, it is very difficult for a woman to be a woman. Remember what ideals women had under socialism! In particular, they are reflected in the sculptures: a woman with a sickle, a woman with a sword, a woman with an oar, a woman with a cannonball...
IN ancient Greece, even in enlightened Athens during its heyday, women were excluded from public life and culture. Men were looking for spiritual communication with men and with free heterosexual women - smart, beautiful, able to love.
Nowadays, men are mostly far from spiritual communication and are looking for just communication, just attention, just sex. And the role of hetaeras, to some extent, is played by unmarried women, work colleagues or professionals, although far from the status of hetaeras.
Abroad, particularly in America, it has become fashionable to have stable family relationships and many children (including those adopted from an orphanage). But such steps to raise the status of the family are most often based on reason and therefore take on distorted forms. Infatuation with the external side (a photograph of the family in the workplace, the desire of the whole family to appear in public, the usual smiles on their faces...) changes little in deep relationships.
The trade in bodies is not decreasing (demand is not falling), the number of love triangles and unacceptable relationships is growing, as President Clinton, convicted of treason, called his intimate relationships. Feminism, the legal framework that protects the family, prenuptial agreements - all this strengthens the external side of the family and does not reduce the number of divorces, and does not increase true happiness.
For some, femininity is associated with Chekhov's “darling”. She is helpful, sweet, meek and not obstinate, pleasant in all respects. The main thing is that she has no self! She is submissive and pliable. She does everything to serve the man with whom fate brings her together. She has no interests of her own, no life of her own, she disappears into the lives of the men she marries. Perfect wife! She changes her worldview every time, based on the interests of her husband. But often the men of such women die or leave them. Because a free soul cannot exist next to an unfree one.
When there is admiration for a loved one, this means that there is no internal freedom that gives rise to a state of love that does not divide, but creates a Couple in which there is equality of free people based on love. Time requires another woman who can create such a Couple!
A woman should combine independence, responsibility, wisdom, grace and the ability to be her husband’s lover, helping him become a creator. Must be brought back into use grace! You can’t let family life take its course or hope for chance. Time requires knowledge, skills, and constant work on oneself. Only this path protects the Couple from going into the “triangle”.
Of course, you can follow the path that the church offers. It condemns, and in some places even prohibits, divorce at the level of church and even state laws. But how can the most intimate relationships be regulated by law? How can a person’s life, his inner freedom be placed within the framework of even the smartest law?
How to solve this difficult problem? First, you need to understand the reasons that prompt the emergence of extraneous connections and the birth of love triangles. Let's start with the fact that when entering into a relationship, most people do not understand the main task of creating a Pair. Many people don’t even think about it, but act “like everyone else.”
They believe that a man and a woman meet, first of all, in order to continue the human race. And the main task of creating a Couple is the following: an even greater revelation of all human qualities, the birth of a personality, and building a happy life. Couple is a school of humanity ! Couple and Family should contribute to the constant growth of relationships, love, wisdom and have a beneficial influence on the world around us.
When the main direction of development of a couple is not determined, the family created by it can stand still, go in circles, and more often than not, we observe a movement in a downward spiral: first great love, then sometimes love, later - respect, habit, and then : “where to go: home, children...” It is in these cases that favorable conditions are created for the emergence of love triangles.
The root cause of the appearance of interest outside the couple is a stop in the development of personality, a lack of growth in love, that is, stagnation in the couple’s relationship. Where there is dynamics, constant growth of personality and relationships, interest on the side will not appear. It is necessary to understand this as two and two and not to blame only one side of the pair: Both are always responsible for stopping the development of a relationship.
Why does the stop occur and disappointment set in? Alexander Belyaev in the novel “Lord of the World” describes a situation when main character, having created a machine that could inspire, he used it to instill in the woman he loved a feeling of self-love. And she loved someone else. And here she is with him. He is happy, but when the machine turns off, the woman leaves him.
So it is in life. While men are courting, and women set the goal of taking possession of them, they have unique programs that have been developed over centuries. While these programs are in effect, they have mutual interest, and as soon as the problem is solved (“he’s in the stall”), the object of adoration is taken possession of, the “interest” program is turned off, and then events develop “like everyone else.”
If we speak in this language, then we should set ourselves a program: “ every day more and more love "and put in some effort until this program becomes life itself. As love grows, freedom will also grow, which will allow the growing soul not to feel restrictions and not try to break out from under them.
In the 50s, girls dreamed of marrying into a “profession,” an engineer or an officer; in the 60s - for physics with academic degree; in the 70s - for a nomenclature worker; in the 90s they are looking to marry for the “lifestyle”. Nowadays, for many people, marriage means life in separate house, trips abroad, car, visits to a beauty salon. And there is nothing wrong with that, if they don’t forget about love. And more often they think that love is not important.
And men not only agree with this, but also buy the woman. They choose not the one who is so loving and beloved, but the one who suits him. The buyer often develops an owner complex with all the ensuing consequences. Pragmatism and calculation invade family life. Sometimes this results in complete freedom for one or both, but without sufficient responsibility. On this basis, love triangles and more complex figures grow like mushrooms after rain.
There is nothing wrong with the fact that a girl wants a wealthy husband, and a man chooses a bride according to certain parameters. But behind this there must be a goal to reveal love, confidence that they can light this fire and faith in love that can overcome literally all obstacles! In this case, any couple can become happy!
Some women wait their whole lives, looking for a man who would meet their requirements. In astrology, for example, it is said that “fiery” women have been looking for their ideal all their lives, but cannot find it. A woman will not be able to find what she needs until she herself “gives birth” to her husband! That is, by revealing the femininity in herself, with love and wisdom she will be able to reveal the man she needs.
By changing herself, she will bear a man. Therefore, they say that when a wife is a sister to her husband (that is, she understands him as herself), a lover (that is, she knows how to love) and a mother, then a man is born and a happy family is created..
And then an extraneous beacon appears to the side of the Couple. First, let's consider the case of a woman's interest. This is not as rare as it seems at first glance. It’s just that women, having greater responsibility to the family, greater wisdom, or more fears, often do not approach each other, or do it very subtly.
So, a woman, tired of endless family and work worries, having already forgotten the attention of her husband, which he showed before the wedding, suddenly receives signs of attention from a stranger. He sees a woman in her, appreciates her beauty and other qualities, says compliments, gives flowers and gifts...
She feels like a Woman again. (And maybe for the first time in their lives! After all, many, having lived their lives, have never experienced such relationships in their address.) What is this - a temptation or a gift of fate? What if warmer feelings still arise, and they begin to grow and turn into love? How should she deal with this situation?
One woman, having been married for ten years, fell into the attention of an interesting man. Flowers, sweets, lunch in a cafe - for the first time in many years, she felt like worthy of attention. Feelings began to awaken, but responsibility for two children brought her to me. After the conversation, she decided to restore relations in the family. After some time, her and her husband’s love began to grow. A year later, we were talking with her, and by chance another woman came to an appointment with a similar problem.
I asked the first one to stay and listen, to look at myself, at my old self, from the outside. Everything was exactly the same! Lack of attention from her husband, interest from the outside, flowers, sweets... There was only one difference - the first one said: “My husband is the same age, and he is older, more experienced, he understands me better...” The second says: “My husband older, it’s difficult for him to understand me, but the other one is my same age, I have complete mutual understanding with him!”
Similar situations have been born for thousands of years, practically according to the same scenario, only eras and countries have changed... But people continue to fall for such an ancient hook every time. Many people still have not learned how to behave correctly in such cases. Yes, this was never taught anywhere. Only from childhood they lay down programs that this is bad, sinful, impossible...
But is it possible to stop anything with fear? A person needs to know the reasons and possible consequences, be able to correctly exit the “triangle” at any stage of its development. And in this matter, it turns out, a certain literacy is necessary! This is also a school of love, and it is better to learn from the mistakes of others.
Interest on the side is a sign: family relationships need to be improved! If this sign is understood and accepted for execution, then the couple will only benefit from this. People often miss this important point and do not turn their faces to the family, to their half, and then the situation develops further: the interest becomes more and more persistent, the appropriate circumstances for intimacy are created, and then everything grows like an avalanche. As they say, if you don’t remove a pebble from a cliff, you will create an avalanche.
Interest on the side can also arise in the case when a woman keeps within herself some kind of ideal of a man, born in the image of her father or based on literature, films, childhood impressions. In this case, an inexplicable attraction to a man may arise at any moment, which can lead to big problems.
The TV show “Family” talked about a case when a woman, a mother of two children, fell in love with a TV presenter, went to Moscow and began to pursue him. Gradually she sank to the position of a homeless person. Strong feelings can lead to loss of reason and mental disorders. This happens quite often.
For single women, the situation of “entering a triangle” occurs much more often, since there are few single men and they do not always meet the requirements of women. What to do when a married man shows interest in a single woman? First, you need to explore the causes of loneliness.
In this matter, it is extremely important to understand and understand with your mind and heart that loneliness is given so that a person changes himself for the better . The world tells a person: you have not revealed yourself enough to be given a gift, and in this state you can count on an option that will cause you problems.
In other words, a person lives significantly below his capabilities, and he is given time to reveal his qualities. This explains the loneliness of wonderful women - they have a higher bar set before them, but they do not want to overcome it. More details about this can be found in the chapter on internal state.
The first thing you need to gain when you are alone is a sense of self-sufficiency! Feel the state of inner freedom, which can reveal the amazing qualities of a woman. In this state she can All! But it’s not easy to get into this state; there are a lot of different complexes inside and conventions outside.
The attitude towards compulsory marriage is already unfreedom. Optimal state: “I want to reveal myself as much as possible, all my deepest qualities.” The implementation of this task will lead a person through life in the way that this soul and the World need.
Having realized this, remove doubts that you cannot create a Pair, and make the most of the time to reveal yourself. This applies to both appearance and soul. Look lovingly at your body and find opportunities to become healthier, younger and more attractive. There are always reserves here! Pay attention to your posture, gait, hand movements, eye movements... Particular attention to clothing: from underwear to headwear - everything must be approached with self-respect. Learn to live, bringing beauty to the World.
Many women don't even know how to accept compliments. Typical situation: - “How wonderful you look!” - "Yes you! I didn’t sleep all night today!” Or: - “What is your Nice dress!” - “You just weren’t paying attention, I’ve been wearing it for several years now.” You understand that after such answers a person will no longer want to compliment you.
The soul should also be beautiful. And to do this, clear it of fears and doubts. Know that you can do anything! Remove resentment and bad feelings towards those with whom you have problems. It’s difficult, but real, and most importantly, it’s necessary! And this process is endless - constantly expand the good sphere of relationships around you, paying special attention to those closest to you. This is where the main task of transitioning to another state is solved.
It is not advisable to use one or another artificial methods to attract half: fortune telling, incantations and other magical actions, prayers and requests to Heaven. This way you can strain the situation and complicate your task. I know many cases where women begged for husbands - and what came of it? Be sure that your desire and constant movement will definitely bear fruit! Remove super desire create a family. Tune in to reveal your qualities, and the more fully a woman (man) sounds, the faster and “higher quality” you will receive a gift!
It is extremely important to learn to respect the opposite sex. Often there are difficulties caused by various reasons: birth problems, family relationships, one’s own negative experiences. It is necessary to learn to see good qualities in every man (woman). The more you see them and the deeper you feel the essence of a person, the better. Thus, wonderful work of the soul takes place, and the World around is transformed. Each step brings you closer to solving personal problems.
Learn to love. Here, as a rule, there are even more reserves, especially for people of the middle and older generation. And young people should understand that learning to love takes a lifetime. This is an endless school of life. This includes the sexual plane and other areas of relationships between men and women. There are truly endless possibilities here! Anna Akhmatova, in a conversation about famous Don Juans and the secrets of male success, remarked: “Do you think women love handsome men? Or heroes? They love those who deal with them!”
Many people are concerned about the question: is it worth pursuing love? Wouldn't this be violence against oneself, against one's loved one, against the World? Definitely worth it! They ask Anastasia: “Will you still try to act in some way, to achieve reciprocal love?” - “Of course, I will act.”
The whole question is by what methods and for what purpose! You need to act not in order to take possession! And in order to take off together! But for this you need to be able to fly yourself and spread your wings to your loved one. This can create wise, creative love.
Along the way, consider a common situation when a woman remains lonely. Usually, most of After a divorce, women fall into despair and show self-doubt and lack of confidence in their abilities. To these feelings is added anger and resentment towards the abandoned husband.
Most often, she either gives up on herself: they say, who needs me, and even with a child, or quietly and submissively waits for the only one to appear who will understand everything and accept her for who she is. Such a wait can drag on for years and until the end of life. What was mentioned above will help you get out of this state.
Let me remind you once again that loneliness after divorce is given for transform yourself . This means that in this state, in this circle of relationships, there is no longer a soul mate for you. By changing yourself, change the circumstances around you: expand your circle of friends, perhaps your job, and even your place of residence. Don't be afraid, start a truly new life!
Get rid of fears and complexes, they all exist only within you! People around you will not notice your shortcomings until you focus on them. themselves. Believe in the infinite power of love for yourself and others! It is possible to transform from a complex, “ugly” person into the dream of any man. any woman!
When meeting people, try to be yourself and react to what is happening as subtly as possible. From the first minutes, do not allow humiliation in any form. Tolerantly, but persistently, by all available means, do not allow the manifestation of bad qualities - then it will be too late. If you have a child, do not be shy about him, but talk about him with pride. Get rid of all complexes even if there is a difference in age. There are no insurmountable obstacles here! All in your hands. The whole country should be grateful to Alla Pugacheva and Philip Kirkorov for their step and for their love!
Having made this digression, let us return to the issue of relationships with married men. Why does fate bring a married man to a single woman? In order for her to say in fear: “Forget me!?” That is, to test her loyalty to moral code and church commandments? If it is present, it will be in a small volume.
The main reason for this situation is that a woman is given the opportunity to assess her condition and take a kind of test: what has she achieved in her loneliness? Life regularly offers such “tests” to single women, but the majority do not take them. For example, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a sick person, an ugly person are offered... And in each case it is necessary to take the right steps. Then better options can be offered.
Let's return to the case at hand. If a woman “grabs” the proposed option and tries to hold on to it in pursuit of her goals, she will face serious trials, even if she achieves her goal. If she abruptly rejects all attention to herself, she will also not solve the problem and will prolong her loneliness. These are two extremes, but there is a third way that can be built on the basis of what is outlined in this chapter.
After all, if a woman refuses signs of attention, her life will not get better, and the man will not be an exemplary family man - he will go on searching. Therefore, oddly enough, a woman can accept signs of attention and respond to them. But how!? For this step it is necessary correct understanding the reasons for what is happening, awareness of one’s tasks, the subtlest respect for self-esteem, and all this is in accordance with the heart. This will determine all future relationships.
If a man is attracted to a woman only sexually, then this indicates the appropriate level of sound for both. This means that it is necessary to expand the sphere of interests, to bring relationships to other levels of interaction, to show that the main advantage of a woman is not only in her forms. The beauty and richness of the soul, wisdom, unexpected moves of female logic - everything must be used in this situation.
Teach a man to respect women! It is possible that he will soon disappear from your horizon. Well, good, a certain step has been taken. If he continues in the same vein, then look within yourself for deeper reasons for this sound.
By helping a man become better, a woman herself becomes more feminine. The important thing here is to avoid dependence and attachment. Freedom must be present in thoughts, words, and actions. A big mistake would be the initial attitude towards mandatory marriage, that “he will be mine.” Do not rush to “stall”, do not force circumstances, do not encroach on the freedom of another person!
One of the options further development events - the man returns to his family. Moreover, he returns to others, having acquired greater respect for all women and for his wife. If a woman succeeds in this, this means that she has successfully solved an important task in her life and will soon receive a gift for it!
From all that has been said, we draw conclusions: you should not be afraid of meeting men and avoid them in every possible way. In every situation, set the task of revealing something good in yourself, becoming more feminine and, on this basis, changing a man. To do this, it is enough for some to say “No!”, for others good words, talk; to give someone attention, care, affection.
Everything is very subtle, wise and with dignity, in accordance with the heart and mind. Teach a man to see in one woman everything he needs, gently leading him to the family. If love grows, and there is no longer life without each other, boldly, without a doubt, go for the creation of a Couple and a family, taking into account the above conditions. In this case, all sides of the love triangle will gain significantly more than in other options.
One woman had been lonely for a long time. I suggested that she should not be afraid of men and try to help everyone she met with something. The very next day, Mir gave her her first exam: a young guy approached her and directly told her that he was a drug addict. She overcame her fear and did not push him away, but talked a little.
He asked to meet him the next day. In the evening she calls me in fear and asks what she should do? I advised her to take a walk with him and talk about the meaning of life, about spirituality... After the second meeting, he did not appear. We regarded this as successful completion of the exam.
Three days later she was accosted by an alcoholic. She already acted more boldly, had good conversations with him, explained to him the reasons for what was happening to him, offered him a kind of patronage, and the next day invited him to the theater. He did not come. This could also be understood as passing another exam. Further, the tasks became more complicated - married men began to show attention to her. She passed several more “exams” not without errors, but on the whole correctly. As a result, after just a month and a half (!), a person appeared near her with whom she could begin to build a serious relationship.
We looked at situations when the “triangle” is just emerging, and there is still an opportunity to direct its development in the optimal direction. Let's help those who have long been one of the sides of the triangle and cannot get out of it. For example, a woman is dating married man for a long time now, and all this leads to nothing.
He cannot leave his wife, children, and cannot take decisive steps. This suggests that in the “triangle” the problems that we talked about above are not solved: the woman does not grow in her femininity, and the man also remains at his level. So you end up sitting on two chairs - a rather difficult state.
There is stagnation, but not in the pair, but in the “triangle”. There are already three people in the swamp. The woman could not become a beacon and bring everyone to another level of relationships. The wife also did not take the initiative into her own hands and did not lead her husband, not through scandals, surveillance and a short leash, but through the revelation of her femininity. And the man was not up to the task.
It’s urgently necessary to get out of this situation, otherwise this quagmire of relationships will drag you deeper and deeper. The consequences of sitting for a long time in such a swamp can be quite complex: this includes deteriorating health, increasing economic problems, and difficulties with children - even their death. Someone needs to take the plunge. Of course, a man must take such a step, but given that men are not masculine enough now, a woman needs to help him with this.
A woman can also take the decisive step. Let me give you an example from village life. The husband “sharpened his skis” to another. There didn’t seem to be much difference between the rivals, but... To remain alone in the village means to remain in this state for the rest of your life. The wife did not follow the standard path: settling scores with the woman and using scandals to try to win back her husband. She acted wisely. I withdrew money from the book and went to the city for a week. I visited theaters, exhibitions, a beauty salon, shops...
“I went on a spree”, bought cosmetics, underwear, outfits and a lot for the interior of the house. Came and arranged festive dinner, inviting a rival. She baked a cake, set the table to the highest standard... She spoke beautiful toasts prepared in advance, danced a lot and occasionally puzzled the other woman with thoughtful questions about artists, musicians, and cooking. The husband saw her changed, she began to sound, and that’s it - the favorite lost her status.
So, love triangle today is a part of life that can lead to great suffering and increase problems for many people of several generations. But also, when correct actions, this can become a school and bring you into a more spiritual state, pull you out of the swamp of everyday life. It is within everyone’s power to direct movement in one direction or another.
It depends on many things, including the goals being pursued: starting a family, solving financial or housing issues, having fun, brightening up loneliness, having someone in your old age, according to the principle “like everyone else”... If the goal is to reveal yourself and help another in this, then all issues are resolved and happiness is created!
At this school, it is undesirable to be a “repeater”, that is, to procrastinate on “training.” It’s better, if you’ve already gotten into it, to finish as an external student. The highest goal of this “school” is to increase love in couples and create friendship between couples.
Very important the right way out from the situation. In life we see many options and with different consequences. The resulting love triangle can be figuratively compared to pregnancy. And then the way out of the triangle can be the birth of beautiful love and the creation happy family. (IN the best option happiness awaits the “abandoned.”) But maybe artificial interruption pregnancy - abortion, when feelings and relationships are abruptly torn.
Pain, shock, bleeding of the heart occurs and a scar remains for life, sometimes killing the possibility of giving birth in the future new love. By killing love, a person takes on great responsibility, which can only be covered by even greater love. There may also be a miscarriage - an interruption of love under the influence of external circumstances, for example, wrong steps by one of the sides of the “triangle”. There is also an imaginary pregnancy, an infatuation that resolves without consequences...
One of the objectives of this study: remove the guilt complex people caught in a love triangle. The complex of guilt and sinfulness of the deed does not eliminate the causes of the problem, but complicates them. The guilt complex does not make it possible to correctly understand the situation and successfully get out of it. Often, the feeling of guilt persists for a long time, even if the meetings are over or there was only one.
This also suggests that the way out of this situation was not entirely correct. Let me remind you once again, having gone through the “triangle”, you need to become a different person, reveal yourself and, on the basis of this, make relationships in the family different; the family must develop.
The situation is even more complicated when the other half knows about what happened. Most often, there are reproaches, reminders, injections... With such a position, happiness cannot be built on feelings of guilt and complexes. It is necessary to remember what happened as little as possible, quickly switch to the family, to your half, do “acts of love”, show care, attention, affection, gradually replace all memories with the image of your wife (husband).
The “injured” party is obliged to remove doubts and grievances, first of all, through awareness of their responsibility for what happened. Absolute trust and love will help quickly remove all consequences. It is necessary that the acquired experience, and negative experience is also experience, help the family change as much as possible for the better. Then there will be no guilt complex, and jealousy will go away.
Did you notice that in talking about the love triangle I never used the word “cheating?” What a hard word! This word puts a stamp of guilt on a person and fuels an inferiority complex in him. Calling a person’s mistakes treason implies a person’s lack of freedom, his accountability to someone. And man is free! And he is free to do as he sees fit.
Another thing is that he needs to feel responsibility for your steps in life. Did they help a person awaken and cultivate a sense of responsibility? This feeling was not truly nurtured either in the family or in society. Parents have not had real freedom and a true worldview all their lives; naturally, they do not know real responsibility. True responsibility lies in love for oneself and others, and our parents were brought up, first of all, with love for the Motherland. What kind of responsibility can parents instill? This is how “semi-finished products” are born.
We have already said that a love triangle is a kind of school. This is a school for all sides of the triangle, and the “victim” side also has lessons to learn, perhaps the most important ones. Including, you need to feel your responsibility for what happened. He who uses the words “treason”, “traitor”, let him say about himself that he is an “accomplice of the traitor”, that he created “the conditions for treason”. Hard? But this is more honest, this is closer to the truth. It's time to become wise.
To complete the picture, it is necessary to consider one more aspect of this problem. Quite often from people having tension or critical situation in a family, you can hear that this is because they have different “spiritual levels”, different “potentials”, they are not halves... Especially now, when various spiritual knowledge has become accessible, these questions arise more and more often.
There are no two absolutely identical people on Earth. Every universe that one person imagines is necessarily different in some way from another person's universe. It is impossible to meet people with the same spiritual level who have traveled the same path in their evolution. What brings them together? The greatest unifying force is Love . And the wider the spectrum of this love, the stronger it is, the more it attracts people to each other, the more their universes find agreement.
We will continue to use “wave” terminology. Naturally, with so many people there is often a consonance, a kind of resonance, and love at first sight arises. This consonance is explained by many reasons: high development, openness, harmony of the personality, which sounds in wide range and therefore can easily “resonate” with another person; the disclosure of some specific qualities to which another person with the same qualities responds; the presence of positive experience of meetings with this soul in other lives... (“Living Ethics” says that a person is surrounded by people whom he has already met in other lives, and I agree with this.)
In this case, they say that two halves have met. But why can’t such close halves always create a happy family? Why is happiness often short-lived even for such halves? Each person is infinite, like the Universe, and in the process of life, in the process of development, other depths can open up, from which something can emerge that will conflict with the other half and disrupt the harmonious consonance.
You can often hear that while they were friends, he was one, but when they got married, he became another. That is, at the beginning there was a program of interest and love, which created consonance, and when they moved to another status, the consonance disappeared. There is a saying on this topic: “All brides are beautiful, but where do such wives come from?”
Some say: we are completely different! But somehow we met? Was there any consonance found? It may be small, but it was there! This springboard needed to be expanded, work to find agreement, mutual interest in other areas, and then this great difference would mutually enrich and create the magnificent sound of two developed personalities!
We again came to the understanding that without love, without its constant development, it is impossible to create a happy Couple.
Otherwise, various qualities may emerge from a person throughout his life, with which it is impossible to interact except through love. I am sure that thanks to love, almost every man and woman can create a Pair! Thanks to faith in love and the constant development of love, they will find harmony at any time and in any conditions !
When there is no love in a couple or not enough of it, then consonances and phenomena of resonance with other people can arise. And here, no restrictions, frameworks or prohibitions can prevent you from feeling consonance on the side. The birth of a relationship triangle indicates a lack of harmony between the couple.
The mistake many couples make is that they try to overcome differences and inconsistencies in sound with patience. Not by expanding the spectrum of their sound (the wider the spectrum of a person’s sound, the easier it is to find the “resonant frequency” of consonance with one’s half), but by the path of humility and patience, many families follow.
Relying on conscience, morality and canons, they clamp themselves down, limit themselves to the framework of family, work, the interests of their spouse and children, the principle - “like everyone else”... And as a result, the result is a gray mouse, and not bright personality. “If you endure it, you will fall in love” - that’s where the mistake is! This principle does not allow the development of love. Expanding the spectrum of love, increasing its depth, and therefore freedom - this is the path to happiness !
Lately there has been an intense spiritual awakening of people. Churches and various theological schools are opening, where you can meet bright, extraordinary people. A woman, having escaped from the gray everyday life, sees a revealed personality, meets respect and love, and can fall in love. They fall in love with priests, with mentors, with spiritual teachers... They also fall in love with spirits located on subtle planes.
Here even more subtle and complex situations of the same love triangle arise. And again the question arises: what to do? The principle of the solution is the same: reveal yourself in its entirety, learn to love, be free and responsible, creatively approach every situation and show will. Permanent harmonious development will allow us to solve All tasks, and turn any figures into a happy Couple!
Participants in the “love triangle” - both wives and husbands. It's the lovers' turn...
I would like to advise lovers:
- It often happens that we fall in love and enter into close relationships without knowing the most important thing: whether the partner is free from marriage.
We allow ourselves to be gullible. And thus we condemn ourselves to a frivolous attitude towards ourselves.
Do you really like the role of the victim? It makes sense to first find out what it's like Family status your chosen one.
Here is a typical life situation. During summer refresher courses, Elena (23 years old) enrolls in a group with a young (31) and very famous teacher. She recently separated from her partner after two years life together and is in a special state of waiting for a gift from fate. The teacher notices Elena and invites her to dinner. Their mutual interest seems inexhaustible. The girl, without hesitation, enters into a relationship, confident that her dream has come true. Two weeks of courses are held as a series of embodiments of the most secret girlish dreams: here are flowers and nice gifts, interesting conversations, excellent sex. Only after the breakup did the thought occur to Elena: “What’s next? What if he has someone?” They made an appointment in the fall, abroad. They called each other, wrote. And so Elena decided to ask (just in case): “Are you free?” And I received the answer: “No.” The beloved wrote that he got married early, he no longer has anything in common with his wife, his wife is his cross, which he must bear. Does his beloved accept him for who he is? Elena withstood the blow. She accepted. Because she fell in love and was ready to do anything to continue the relationship. Moreover, the wife was just a phantom: he had his own life, she had hers. They met for more than six months neutral territories, V different cities, communicating intensively during separations. Then her lover invited her to his city, to his home. For a few days. She expected a lot from this meeting: didn’t her stay in her beloved’s house mean that further rapprochement was coming? A shock awaited her from the first steps in the apartment: it was a house, clearly not a bachelor’s house, led by a caring female hand. And everywhere there were unbearable traces of a woman—his wife—being in the house. (As it turned out later, the lover, having invited her to his house, wanted non-verbally, that is, without unnecessary words, to show her what place his wife occupied in his life, he realized that the relationship had gone too far, but he was not going to get a divorce under any circumstances.)
And then Elena began to ask and ask questions: does he really not live with his wife, is there really no intimacy between them, how does he see his future with Elena, after all, they have a relationship? The man was honest this time. As it turned out, he was connected with his wife by some invisible but strong connection, he had sex with his wife, and he was very happy with his relationship with Elena in the way it developed: stormy meetings once a month for several days. He even suggested that the girl, in between their dates, date someone who lives closer. Well, to be on an equal footing, so to speak. So that she does not suffer from abstinence. In addition, the beloved warned that if his wife finds out about their relationship, this will lead to only one thing: the immediate cessation of contacts with her, Elena.
She began to rush between two “I can’t”: “I can’t continue a relationship that is killing me” and “I can’t part with my loved one: there has never been and will never be anyone like him in my life.” She wrote about her experiences to her lover, who replied that the choice was hers. Then, as he promised, the relationship was ended by him: his wife found out. All this “happiness” lasted for a year. The young woman's feelings turned out to be very deep. She tried and is trying to make new connections, enters into close relationships, without experiencing anything similar to the feelings that tied her to that person. She has been alone for more than two years, and her dominant state is extreme depression. Yes, now she reproaches herself for recklessly throwing herself into the abyss of passion with a man about whom she did not find out the main thing: whether she was the only woman in his life. She felt uncomfortable asking if she was making excuses. After all, the man might have thought that she was interested marriage, and not just them as a person.
Finding a moment to ask this important question is necessary for your own mental safety. At least before agreeing to an intimate relationship, this question is quite appropriate if you have at least some principles organizing your life.
- No man, no matter how treacherously he behaved, will ever admit this to either you or himself. He wants romance, mental and physical uplift, youthful enthusiasm, and the beauty of relationships. And therefore, with great pathos, he will describe to you his suffering with his wife. Here are a few common phrases used by men in intimate conversations with their mistresses to describe their difficult lot and hopelessness of family existence:
"she doesn't understand me at all"
"There's been nothing in common between us for a long time"
“I married too young, not realizing how terrible a mismatch can be,”
"We have different chemistry"
"we sleep in different rooms",
“two people are traveling on the same train, the same landscapes flash outside the window, and they think that they are traveling in the same direction - that’s what family life is”...
And just imagine that after these revelations with you, he returns home, tenderly kisses his wife, and tells her with a smile: “I miss you. I love you.” And then, imagine, going to bed with her and... I highly recommend imagining exactly this, when a man dear to you, but married to another man, shares his family problems.
- If during the first year of your relationship he never talked to his wife about divorce or reported your existence, he will not do so in the future.
- Please don't allow yourself to be manipulated. It is beneficial for a man to instill in you a feeling of hostility towards his wife. Then he is a victim. But a sacrifice is needed - what? Well, of course! Love, take care and don’t irritate with conversations about the future.
- For some reason, one of the most passionate and furious desires of a mistress is to let her wife know about her existence. Actually, it’s even clear why. Well, of course! She lives and undeservedly enjoys all the benefits of life with a man whom she is unworthy and who has not loved her for a long time. Let him find out, let him also cry into his pillow at night. Let him finally make room for someone worthy and loved.
However, consider the paradoxical fact: if you tell your wife about yourself, you will almost certainly lose your loved one. Frankly, in my extensive collection of such cases there has not been a single time when a husband forgave his mistress who allowed himself to communicate with his wife. The marriage may fall apart, but you won't get it. You will become the most unreliable element for him, an unpleasant memory, which we need to get rid of as soon as possible.
- On someone else's misfortune happiness can not be built. Now they will take it away from you, then they will take it away from you. It's only a matter of time.
- Look for the joyful elements in life. Don't get hung up on the problem of owning someone else's husband.
- Learn to treat yourself with respect, clearly define your own personal boundaries and what you would never want to let into your life. Follow your guidelines strictly. Tell yourself: “I deserve better than to eat scraps from someone else’s table.”
- Find the strength to overcome the mental pain, realize what happened, in order to prevent similar situations from happening again.
- In the event that you managed to overcome all the obstacles and marry the one you dreamed of, read carefully the above tips for wives.
Discussion
I'm 18 and I'm a lover... In the summer I met a man who seems to be the best. At that time he was 23, I was 17. He wrote to me on social networks from a fake page, at first special significance I didn’t give it any credit, then he sent me a photo - he turned out to be a real handsome guy, and I liked him in terms of communication - competent, well-read, polite, everything I like. He immediately said that he was married, loved his wife, and did not regret at all that he got married early. At that time, he and his wife lived in different cities, but he did not tell me the details. When I found out that I was married, I immediately pushed him into the background, since I did not plan to become a mistress. We corresponded with him about three weeks, then he called me to meet and, out of my stupidity, I agreed. He came to pick me up and waited for me for about 20 minutes because I didn’t have time to get ready. And so I came out to him: in a short dress, in heels and with a twinkle in my eyes, such a young, lovely girl. Honestly, I didn’t really like him, his face was dissatisfied, somehow angry and harmful. We sat in the car, took a walk, and he took me home. Our next meeting took place about a week later. He got sick and said that he would take me to his home so that I could “cure” him; I don’t know what kind of treatment they were talking about, but there were no hints of sex. I told myself that nothing would happen to us, but just in case, I prepared for everything. He picked me up and we headed towards him. I was in a skirt and blouse, he invited me to change into his shirt, and I agreed. I was incredibly sexy, and he undressed me with his eyes. We drank tea, talked, joked. And I realized that I fell in love. He lay down on the bed and told me to lie down too; I lay down, although a full meter away from him. He moved closer, and I did the opposite. It amused him, he joked, I felt so comfortable with him. He said: “I really want to kiss you. Is it possible?”, and I answered: “Well, try.” Everything turned to sex, it was the best night of my life, we probably didn’t sleep for a minute. In the morning he took me home. So we dated for a month, and on August 10 his wife arrived, he was unrecognizable. About two weeks before her arrival, it was as if he had been replaced: he stopped calling, writing, started shouting at me, we stopped seeing each other. I endured all this because I loved him, but I understood that all he wanted from me was the possession of my young body. When he was at work, he tried to write, we saw each other about once every two to three weeks. Our last meeting was on September 20th. We went, as usual, to the hotel, there was great sex , he brought me home... and disappeared. A week passed, two weeks - not a single message from him. It hurt me, it hurt me a lot. I often remembered him and cried. He said that on October 6 he had to go on a business trip to another city for two months. By the way, I found his wife on Instagram and subscribed from the left page. She almost didn’t post photos, but on the night from 5 to 6 she posted a photo of a train and left the caption: “I’ll miss you...” I’m not at all deprived of the attention of men, I’ll say more, I get it in quite large quantities, and accordingly, I have suitors there are a lot of them - beautiful, rich, smart, but all this is not the same. All men disgusted me. Yes, I went on dates, even kissed, to forget him, but it didn’t help much. And yet, over time it became easier, new people and things surrounded me. Almost a month and a half passed like this. On the morning of November 11, he called. I answered, and he said: “I can’t live without you, I love you, I feel bad without you, I dream about you every night.” The fact that I was shocked is an understatement, I said that I also love him and miss him very much. Perhaps this call was a mistake, and I did not need to answer him then. I waited for him for a month, we communicated virtually, since he was on a business trip. I believed him, believed that he really loved me. He arrived on December 12 and it was as if he had been replaced. Of course, he almost stopped writing and calling, I understand everything, my wife didn’t say anything to him. And on Saturday morning he called and said that he would come. I imagined our meeting differently. We sat in the car for an hour at most, I gave him a blowjob and that’s it, then he said that he needed to go get his wife. I felt used, I was terribly offended. Then we met on the 19th, also in the morning, went to the hotel, stayed there for three hours, and then he went on urgent business and took me home. I told him that I was tired of waiting for his messages, calls, our meetings. She said that he has a week for us to see each other again. By the way, he stopped telling me that he loved me, I asked him about it, he said: “Silly, of course I love you,” and I melted. That's all. On the 21st we exchanged a couple of messages. Then, in a group in our city, I saw that in the comments he was meeting girls, giving them compliments, messaging them, but absolutely nothing to me. Now it’s been 24 years and there have been no messages from him, and I’m still waiting. I understand that he is deceiving and that he does not need me. I'm only 18, I have so much ahead of me, but I can't let him go, I love him so much. I certainly don’t want to destroy his family. The only thing I really want is the truth. I’m tired of waiting, hoping for something, I need him to tell the truth that he doesn’t love me, that he doesn’t need me, and that it was all just a game. This will make me feel better, because I myself will hardly be able to part with this person.
I’ll say right away - the article is complete nonsense. Our life is very multifaceted and unpredictable. I am the wife, and I am also abandoned. The choice was in favor of his mistress. There is no need to write about unsettled life, etc. Everything is normal - there is a son, life, money, and an apartment. My husband chose for six months - he wandered back and forth. And in the end he left for his mistress. They have been living and happy for 8 years. He is not divorced from me (this suits me for a number of reasons). There is no need to write nonsense about happiness - not happiness on someone else's grief. It's different for everyone.
04/14/2018 02:32:28, Nina7777I'll say one thing. There are few men in the world and more women than we would like. You are all so wonderful, you snatched up the men. What should the rest of us do??? not to have children??? So they take it for love for their lives. After all, they are all the same as women. Everyone wants happiness and everyone thinks that she is the one and only. I was also a wife three times. And now I am the mistress of my second husband. It’s a shame to feel sorry for yourself. BUT, alas, I simply didn’t find a better person than him, I tried and was married after him. And then if the war in the Caucasus had not separated us. I wouldn't leave him for anything. Now fate has brought us together again. And I don’t really care that he has a wife somewhere in another country. For me it doesn't exist. I know one thing that he loves me all his life. If we had not lost each other for 13 years, we would never have parted. And there, of course, the woman is not to blame for anything. And there’s no reason to leave her. They don’t have children and, thank God, they won’t. When others tell me that I’ll take it away from you. I always answer. You can go ahead. Only the one who can take him has not yet been born. That woman takes care of his mother and sick brother. And it suits me too that I don’t do this. In life you have to live for yourself. I don't think that anyone will feel bad. that you can’t build happiness on someone else’s unhappiness. I live once and for myself, my beloved.
We have been meeting with him for the third year, during all the time of our meetings we separated several times and I was always the initiator. The last time he was the initiator. Because we are both tired. But... It’s all in vain, we are together again or again.
And it all started with the fact that we were friends, then we decided to just have sex as a friend, but it so happened that I fell in love with him, and as it turned out later, he fell in love with me.
But that's not what I'm talking about. Everything in our relationship is fair. I know about his wife and I don't even want him to get a divorce because of me. And I always do everything so that she doesn’t find out about me. I clean his things myself, I make him take a shower so that my smell doesn’t remain. And I was never jealous of him and I’m not jealous of my wife. But I am jealous of other women.
And in his life he never told me anything bad about his wife, we never raised questions about his family, there was a case when he wanted to divorce her, but they had their own problems, so I didn’t let him.
In general, I started all this by saying that in my case, he never promised me anything, we don’t talk about my wife, but he doesn’t let me go either.
And I really don't know what to do. How to break up with him forever. We did this more than once, but then we got back together.
Useful article. Regarding point 5, I partially agree that if you tell your wife about yourself, you will lose a man - this is true, but the fact that one of the most fierce desires of a mistress is to let her wife know about herself, this only applies to stupid mistresses.
Personally, when my man told his wife about my existence, I did everything in my power to convince her otherwise (according to at least denied everything to the end), thanks to which she preserved our relationship, because... He himself very soon realized what he had done and even (out of fear?) ended up in the hospital in a pre-heart attack state.
Many people watched the film “Autumn Marathon”. Women predictably hate this movie, men shed stingy tears, but it seems to everyone that in life everything is much simpler. But almost every second person who comes to see a psychologist has one problem: he (she) is one of the parties in a love triangle.
Everyone is full of advice on how to punish a homewrecker and keep her husband. women's magazines and forums. About how a man feels when he finds himself between two fires, he usually says a short “Yes, they are all the same...”. The legitimate spouse is the innocent sufferer; society is on her side and actively censures both the “scoundrel” and his new love.
Meanwhile, everything is not so clear. The portal decided to analyze men's problems in the love triangle and turned to real stories and the experience of psychology specialists.
Clear and understandable
Anton, 40 years old:“Some time ago, my wife and I had a rather difficult period, we often quarreled, she was constantly nervous, offended, and swearing. At this time I met Natasha, twenty years younger than me. At some point, it seemed that I fell in love, I was ready for a lot, it almost came to sex, but then Natasha announced that she wanted a child, and I sharply backed down. How I woke up from a dream: “God, why do I need this?” Then Natasha ran after me, created public scandals in front of friends, hysterics, played dirty tricks on my wife, frayed her nerves - but this is precisely what killed in me all the good feelings that I had for her. My wife was already ready for a divorce, but she could barely keep it together. Somehow I forgave her (well, there was no sex after all), but she still remembers it. And Natasha suddenly found herself some boy her own age, and she told me that she was just joking, and that she wanted to be friends with me, and for me to help her in her career. However, from the very beginning she did not hide the fact that there was calculation in her attitude towards me.”
This is the same situation in which everything is simple and clear: there was a slight infatuation on the part of the man and calculation on the part of the girl, the injured party was the wife, the situation was resolved in her favor. And, according to Anton: “Unexpectedly, this situation brought my wife and I closer together, I realized what a blessing it is that we belong to the same generation, speak the same language, have similar ideas about life and moral standards, in a word, we suit each other. We found common interests and activities, began to communicate more, I need to say thank you to this girl - she only strengthened my relationship with my wife.”
There is no one to blame
It also happens differently when really serious feelings become a stumbling block.
Professional psychologists say that almost any person faces a love triangle, often more than once. Moreover, some manage to visit each of its sides in their lifetime. And those who were not so lucky know better than others what psychologists say and what needs to be kept in mind: there is no one to blame in this situation. It is not a man’s fault that he fell in love - contrary to popular belief (“If I wanted to, I would end it all in no time!”), true feelings cannot be controlled, no one is immune from them.
Nevertheless, it is with the experience of multilateral guilt that male hesitations in a triangle situation are associated. It would seem that it would be simpler: choose one of two women and live for yourself. But women are not shirts; the choice is not easy to make. But often you don’t want to, and you’re scared. And yes, it’s my fault. He is guilty before his wife, he is guilty before the one he loves, he is also guilty before his children...
Triangles can exist for years, exhausting all participants, but the man never dares to take a fundamental step. He rushes about, tormented with almost masochistic pleasure, the situation often ceases to be a secret for family, children, friends, acquaintances. The longer it waits, the more destruction the triangle brings into the lives of its participants.
Why does a representative of the stronger sex, who is bequeathed by nature and society to make decisions, hesitate? It’s very simple: it is in this “triangular” situation that he wants things to be decided for him. So that one of his women makes a decision and leaves, or so that the situation is influenced by some external circumstances. Moreover, often a man is afraid of losing both: he loves one, he’s used to the other - and he begins to propose absurd plans: “Let’s all live together!”, “Let’s make friends,” etc., which do not cause anything for the participants in the conflict, except outrage.
Alexey, 39 years old:“It’s a difficult situation: I love one, but I live with another, to whom I’m attached, and I like her too close person. We have lived together for 19 years, we have two children, we have a lot in common, a lot of relatives, we also work together, plus an apartment for which we need to pay off a large loan. My wife has known for years that I love someone else, they know each other and can’t stand each other. I’m ready to leave the apartment, pay off all my debts, but I would like to get her married first so that she doesn’t take offense at me and take revenge, and doesn’t ruin my relationship with my children. Meanwhile, my beloved woman already has neurosis (I’m a doctor, I see), she’s constantly on sedatives, slams the door once a month... And she doesn’t want to listen to any arguments. One can understand her: she has been waiting for four years. But understand me too - it’s so easy to destroy something that has been built for twenty years, plus the common work with my wife, one team!.. I already suggested that everyone should live together - they don’t agree, they cry and swear. One hope is that everything will somehow resolve itself. Well, if my wife finds someone else and kicks me out, or if they offer me a job further away from the capital, my wife won’t go to the provinces with me, and then everything will work out on its own.”
Will it form?
Expecting a woman to make a choice for a man in such a situation is absurd. She won't do it. There are exceptions, but they only confirm the rule. Women are generally much more patient than men, and in such matters they are ready to wait almost indefinitely. Another thing is whether you need such infinity - filled with tears, hysterics, quarrels, departures and returns, jealousy, resentment and shame.
An additional factor is that the man in this situation, in the eyes of society, is, at the very least, an eagle: he has two women, and he chooses. But they both feel disgraced and humiliated. It is stupid to expect that they will suddenly “become friends” and somehow come to an agreement without your participation, one will voluntarily give in to the other. Moreover, under no circumstances should you bring them together for a “conversation”. You will be the victim. And neither one nor the other will ever forgive an attempt to “make friends” between a wife and a mistress.
Although there are curious exceptions in “triangular” cases.
Gregory, 33 years old:“My ex-wife didn’t stop me from organizing my life. We didn’t have the most rosy marriage, but I love the child very much. There was a period of upheavals, quarrels, we moved in and out, and then we began to live so quietly and calmly, just so as not to be alone and so that the child would not get hurt. It was possible to live like this for a very long time, but I fell in love with one of my wife’s friends, Marina. And my wife not only did not object, but, on the contrary, helped us in every possible way. Now we live with Marina, we will soon have a child, we all go to visit each other, we borrow money, we give gifts, in a word, everything is fine with us. Divorce is not a reason for a quarrel.”
Only by the will of my wife
It happens that a man is in a triangle not of his own free will. He would have left, or rather, he would have fled to superluminal speed, but really can't. There are frequent cases when a husband, even an unloved one, is blackmailed and forced to stay in the family at any cost, for material reasons, or at least simply in order to triumph over the “homewrecker.”
Denis, 34 years old:“When I met Asya, I didn’t hide the fact that I had an unsuccessful marriage, my wife was hanging out - it would be okay only with men, but also with women, and there was nothing to even talk to her about, only about money and rags. What keeps us together is our common child and the fact that in a few years we should be given another apartment. None marital relations long gone, but I’m also a human being, I want to love and be loved! I fell in love with Asya, she reciprocated. They began to live with her and her daughter, and that’s when the nightmare began. My wife stalked Asya on all social networks, hacked our mailboxes, read the correspondence, sent her wild offensive SMS messages at night. My wife told me that I would never see my son again, turned him against me (he even refused to talk to me on the phone), at the same time repeating: “Kostya feels bad without you, how could you leave him!” Because of my wife’s constant calls at any time of the day, we argued with Asya all the time. I love my son very much and six months later I moved back to my wife. We still have nothing with her, but now she walks around and brags to her friends about how she “won.” I try to communicate with Asya, but she, of course, demands that I return. And I don’t know what to do in this situation. Everyone condemns me - my wife’s relatives and friends, Asya’s family and friends.”
Intervention in a situation by relatives or friends and manipulation of children is a powerful lever of pressure, especially in the hands of a legal spouse. Society always takes her side at the first moment, no matter how successful the marriage was. A competent male position is to tell everyone “don’t interfere” and stand on it until victory. Do not enter into discussions, explain or prove anything under any circumstances. The situation really doesn’t concern either mom and dad, or your wife’s girlfriends and your friends. It is clear that your refusal to allow a crowd of people into your personal life, even from among your close people, will be perceived negatively by them, but practice shows that after shouting for a while, they will calm down and give up on you, and you will be able to collect yourself. thoughts.
What about the children?
Psychologists say that fathers are never as caring as they are after being caught in a “triangle.”
Situations where morally dishonest women use children as a club are not uncommon. In this case, a man has only one ally and assistant - time. Children grow up. They begin to live their own lives and better understand you and your problems. And the opportunity arises to finally divorce your disgusted wife. But your beloved woman may not wait for this moment - or, which is also often, at the very moment when you gain the long-awaited freedom, she realizes that she wasted her best years and will go looking for another share.
The option to behave with your wife - to get your way, to go to court, to try to keep the child, to persuade the child to live with you (if he is at the age when the court already takes into account his opinion) - requires psychological strength and mental strength. The result is not guaranteed and the struggle may take a long time.
It is important to understand that the principle “I endure and suffer for the sake of the children” is not so much an excuse as a serious psychological trap, a reason not to make a decision.
But it’s worth thinking about: when your children grow up, how good will it be for them to know that they were the cause of your suffering for many years? And how comfortable are they to grow up in a family that has been on the brink of disaster for years? You are sure that you will never blame them: “I gave up for you..., and you!..” - and you will not hear the natural indignant response: “Did we ask you?!”
In addition to purely psychological ones, there are also very real risks. Grown-up children, who have finally begun to understand what’s what, are able to intervene in the situation to the best of their ability. And young people, as you know, do not recognize half-tones and solve problems radically.
Laima, 32 years old:“My parents divorced when I was about 20. I honestly tried not to interfere because I respect other people’s feelings, and my parents’ marriage was not the happiest. But at some point I could no longer hear my mother’s sobs behind the wall and my father’s stories about his mistress. That other woman demanded a divorce from him, and I had to take this decision upon myself. I told him: “If you want to be with her, get ready and leave, don’t torture us.” Only then did he leave. My only complaint against my parents is that they waited so long and didn’t divorce ten years earlier. My only complaint against my father is that for a long time he forced us to live in an unbearable, nervous environment.”
So your “for the sake of the children” can be a double-edged sword. There is one more nuance: children subconsciously model their life situations based on the behavior of their parents, and you may well see your child years later struggling in the same web in which you yourself were.
We take out the hooks and dispel the illusions
On your marks? If today you are not mentally ready to take a serious step, first of all, stop tormenting yourself. Realize that the situation will not resolve itself (even if it seems to you that something is about to happen), you will still have to make a decision, but it must mature within you.
She'll leave now! Psychoanalysts often share the following situation: a man calls in hysterics, literally in tears, his beloved woman has given him until tomorrow, and “doctor, what should I do?!”
First of all, calm down. Most likely, she won't do it tomorrow. For the reasons mentioned above: he will find a thousand justifications for his expectation and will remain. If the probability of leaving is high (let’s say, a person appeared next to her who is courting, and he is not married and she likes her), think for yourself - is this not what you wanted? After all, you wanted the decision to be made for you. Great, you have achieved what you wanted.
Counterweight. Admit it to yourself: since the wife found out that she is not the only one and you can/want to leave, she suddenly turned from an always dissatisfied brawler into a caring hostess with a surprisingly sweet character, as she was before the wedding. So, perhaps, you need a second woman solely as a counterweight? How sword of Damocles, with which you force your wife to show you respect and attention?
Now we will part, and then we will start all over again. You shouldn’t suggest this: men’s psychology is significantly different from women’s, and such statements will be perceived as mockery. When a man leaves, he keeps in his head some illusory possibility of showing up 20 years later and starting all over again. The woman, as a rule, leaves forever.
If your wife is connected to you through common children, she will still not go anywhere, because even after the divorce, the children will not disappear into space, and you will have to communicate somehow. But after breaking up, your lover will most likely cut you out of her life.
In both cases, the recipe is the same: think about how you will live with your wife when the children grow up and, quite possibly, move to other cities and countries. In which case will you lose more - if you give up love in the name of duty or if you decide to leave? Who do you want to grow old with next to? The way you answer this question determines which choice will be best and right for you.
I'm about to die right now!.. Illnesses, and serious ones, are frequent companions of men caught in a triangle. Heart attacks, strokes and cancer, aggravated by alcohol, impotence - all this can easily be revealed by your body due to stress. Do you remember how, as a child, your temperature suddenly and for no reason rose before a test? Illness is a powerful way to stay out of trouble, but will a hospital ward make you happier?
They themselves are bitches! Stop making excuses. A common method: a man provokes one or both women into hysterical behavior and ugly actions. Thus, the mechanism of shifting responsibility is triggered: “It’s her own fault! She is bad!" Are you sure you don't play this game?
Sex. As the heroine of one film said: sex creates problems both when it exists and when it does not exist. Running from one woman’s bed to another’s is making the situation worse. If you are not just comfortable in a harem, but are really looking for a solution, you should stop having sex for a while, either with both women or with one - the one with whom you intend to break up. The feeling of guilt will immediately become much less, and there will be an additional incentive to quickly sort out the situation.
I am the most guilty person in the world! Relationships, or rather role-playing game according to the “traitor-victim” principle will not bring benefit to any of its participants. And if you exist and communicate solely on a feeling of guilt (with one of the women or with both), then we are no longer talking about love. What was love has become a banal love addiction, and the triangle is the best way to maintain it. Solution: don’t ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself and stop reveling in your suffering.
A good way is to live alone. You are tormented at home and tormented during meetings - get yourself out of this game. Provide yourself a haven to which no woman will have access, and be alone with yourself. In fact, in this situation it will be easier not only for you - it will also be easier for both women to live and to endure your decision, no matter what it turns out to be in the end. Don’t promise that you will live for a week and make a choice or return in six months - don’t promise anything to anyone at all and don’t stipulate any deadlines.
After all, the triangle is not so much the reason for your family crisis, as much as a consequence of a personal and life crisis, which cannot be resolved forcefully. That is why triangles most often occur in men aged 35-50 years. And systemic crises must be resolved systematically. For the literate, the right decision First of all, you need to deal not with women, but with yourself.
