Psychological tricks: how to influence people. In communication, use the passive voice. Rumors and gossip

Among our surroundings there are special category people who are firmly entrenched in the status of influential. You have probably noticed how respected and respected such people are. Their phrases are quoted, and requests are immediately fulfilled. But how to achieve such a result? How can we learn to influence people so that they change their decisions in our favor, respect our choice and be inspired by our actions? Let's try to understand this subtle issue.

Factors affecting human behavior

To become an authority among others, it is important to know about the existence of certain factors that affect a person. First of all, this is the perception of the surrounding reality and the way that a person has chosen to interact with it. This may be the acceptance of reality, its rejection or departure from it. How much a person disposes to his environment and what he does can be seen in his respect for others, passion for his work, willingness to help and sacrifice his own interests. In behavior, the position of a person becomes visible, i.e. constant internal attitude to people and various situations.

Consider some of the factors that influence a person:

1. Circle of friends. The environment may include various contacts and connections: emotional and official. This includes the circle of closest communication, which a person fully trusts, the circle of periodic communication, which includes official and business contacts, and the circle of episodic communication, which includes personal acquaintances and business partners.
2. The role of a person in a team. It is also an important factor in shaping his behavior. The role of a person is formed in connection with his psychological features and the place he occupies in the management hierarchy. Depending on the role that a person has chosen for himself, one can predict his behavior and actions.
3. type of behavior. The choice of how you can influence people also depends on this factor. There are four types of behavior - independent, leadership-oriented, neutral and dependent. But, even having understood what type of behavior a person has chosen for himself, do not rush to draw conclusions about him, since his choice could well have been imposed by others or chosen due to circumstances. In any case, it is better to get to know the person better.

How to influence other people?

Experts say that it is quite simple to influence the human psyche. To do this, it is important to know some rules

communications, the implementation of which will make your personality invaluable to others.

Anyone can have an impact on a person's life. The main thing is that this does not happen out of malice. Train yourself with clear diction and a pleasant confident voice. Be open to people and be positive. And then soon you will be called an influential person.

The ability to influence people is vital important skill in real world. This will allow you to help people or encourage them to assess the situation from your point of view. This article will help you master the art of influencing people.

Steps

Part 1

relationship building

Be social. A friendly and outgoing nature is of the utmost importance when it comes to influencing the people around you. People react to people who feel at ease and are more likely to follow suit.

• Smile. People are drawn to a benevolent smile. This makes you seem approachable and reliable.
• Ask questions. Engage other people in conversations. Show interest in them, and they will become more open and responsive.
• Plan activities. Take the initiative and organize a group trip, such as a hike or a concert. This way you will earn a lot of points.

1. Address people by name. People are more likely to react when they hear their name, as it makes your message more personal to them.

   • Remembering someone's name will make you look like interesting person, reversing close attention on the details.
   • Using your first name is a sign of respect and a way to show someone you're interested in them.

2. Actively participate in discussions. Relationships are a two-way street. It's about reciprocity. You should not use a conversation just to convey your ideas and opinions without even giving the interlocutor a word. You also should not be silent, no one likes to talk to himself.

   • Try to find a balance between listening and speaking.
   • Ask questions, listen politely to the answers, and respond appropriately.

3. Talk about the interests of others. Showing interest in the other person's hobbies is also a great way to show interest in other people. It is also one of better ways getting to know someone better, which is the foundation of building a relationship. Even the most humble person will open if you touch on his favorite topic.

   • If you know that your interlocutor likes to read, ask what he read in recent times, or ask for a book recommendation for you.
   • If the person is interested in rock climbing, ask how they did it for the first time, or if they could take you with them one day.
   • Try not to talk about your interests too much. Remember, your goal is to make the person feel that they are interesting to you. Of course, if the other person is interested in hearing about your recent skydiving experience, feel free to share it.

4. Respect the opinions of others. It is important to always respect someone else's opinion, even during disagreements. It is not necessary to reach an agreement, but it is important to give the person the opportunity to express their opinions and beliefs without contradicting or belittling them. Relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, so it's important to recognize and accept your differences.

   Secure your place in the social circle. Get a position in a social circle by becoming a respected friend or acquaintance with as many people in that circle as possible. This will increase influence and power over this circle as a whole.

   • Don't follow with a bored face if your friend introduces you to new group of people. Don't miss the opportunity. Interact and try to get to know them better, you never know who you might meet!
   • Talk to those in your circle with whom you don't usually communicate. Try to befriend them for their own sake, not just because you know them through someone else.
   • Organize a party or other group activity and invite as many friends, acquaintances and friends of friends as possible, then chat!

   Part 2

   good reputation

   1. Admit your mistakes first. If you are wrong, be sure to admit it quickly and decisively. If you don't, you can create an atmosphere of hostility very quickly. Therefore, if you want to build a relationship based on trust and respect, admit your mistakes as soon as you realize them. People will admire your honesty, and honesty inspires confidence.

   2. Point out errors in a helpful, indirect way. If you need to point out someone else's mistakes, do it in a constructive and positive way. The last thing you want is to make the other person feel small or stupid. If you comment on something modestly and practically, most likely you will be heard and taken into account.

      • If you want to help the person avoid embarrassment, say, for example: "Anatoly, I noticed that you eat salad with a dinner fork. This is not so important, but perhaps the last fork will be more convenient. If you want, you can just make sure that I do." Helping a person avoid embarrassment is honorable.
      • If you're helping someone by reviewing papers or a written report, try starting with a compliment and then pointing out what else needs to be worked on: "Julia, you did a great job on the report! This is really interesting, but I highlighted some information which I think you should double check. I'm not sure if this is 100% correct."
      • Don't correct people in a harsh, condescending, direct, rude, or annoyed way.
      • Never correct someone in front of another person. Do it eye to eye.

   3. Get experience. If you have extensive knowledge on a given topic, it is worth making this fact known, especially if this knowledge can potentially be used to help other people. Don't brag about your knowledge and don't talk about it endlessly. You will look like a smartass, and people will not ask you for help. Just let them know about your abilities and that you will be happy to help people if needed.

      • If you are known as a financial expert, then your friends may turn to you for a recommendation about money. They may feel more comfortable with someone they know and trust.
      • If you are fluent in foreign language, let people know that you are happy to help them prepare for an exam or a foreign trip.

   4. Live clean life which can serve as an example. If you want to influence people, it's important to be a respectable role model. Need to live full life and strive to be a good man. Some ways to achieve this include:

      • Good job.
      • Taking care of your appearance.
      • Healthy eating and good physical shape.
      • Absence of drug and alcohol abuse.
      • Interests and hobbies.
      • Respect for others.

   5. Demonstrate a willingness to learn. Strong opinions and beliefs are a good trait, but it's also important to be open to innovation and learn from experience.

      • Strive to broaden your horizons. Engage in stimulating and thought-provoking discussions, read books and newspapers, and travel as much as possible.
      • Be the person who says yes. If someone offers to show you something or teach you something new, don't refuse.

   Part 3

   actively leading the actions of others

   1. Use a friendly approach. Always start out friendly if you want other people to adopt your way of thinking. Avoid being bossy and demanding. Ask questions and they will answer yes.

      • Try, for example, saying, "Hey, I'm going to the grocery store, would you like to join me?"
      • Or, "God, I'm tired. Wouldn't it be nice to stay home and watch a movie tonight?"

If you are imperfect, others will like you more. This paradox proves the psychological Pratfell Effect. When we want to impress someone, we inevitably stick out the best sides of his personality.

It turns out that it’s completely in vain: research shows that demonstrating our vulnerability and weakness, on the contrary, increases the level of empathy for us from other people. The more non-critical flaws you have, the better people will treat you.

How to influence people? The illusion of choice

If you want a person to do something, give them a false choice. The trick is this: just give the person two options to choose from. For example, if you need to go shopping or clean your room, just ask, “Do you want to vacuum or go to the store?”. In this case, the person feels like they have some control over the situation and are more likely to agree to your offer.

How to influence people? Ask for more

The theory is that if you ask for a small favor, people are more likely to agree to a larger request. In other words, ask for something big before asking for what you need. For example, you want a bike, then use this psychological trick and ask for a car.

Pauses in conversation help to influence people

If you need more information from someone, meaningful pauses can help. Such a psychological trick is often used by journalists in their interviews. They know from the psychology of influence that silence can be awkward in conversation, and people often try to fill it.

Psychological tricks that will allow you to influence people

Do not argue on the main issue

When you are trying to negotiate something and influence the decision, argue on a secondary issue. For example, if you need to make repairs, do not argue about whether the repair will be done or not, when it will be done, etc.

Move on to secondary questions: what kind of tile to buy or where is it better to choose wallpaper. In this case, the beginning of the repair will be taken for granted.

When communicating, use passive voice

Such a psychological trick will help you if you do not want to argue and conflict, but want to convey your thoughts to another and influence him. Instead of saying, "You didn't give me a report," try saying, "The report wasn't sent."

How to influence people? Call the person by name more often

In the course of a conversation, often calling a person by name, you automatically arouse the sympathy of the interlocutor. However, this psychological trick should not be abused, as excessive use of the name can cause suspicion and doubt about your sincerity.

Let others speak

Even if you are more savvy in a particular subject, let others teach you. Thanks to such a psychological trick, it will not be difficult for you to further influence a person in order to convince him of something, because they already trust you.

Paraphrasing helps to influence a person

In communication with him, paraphrase what your interlocutor said, and repeat it. The interlocutor will understand that they are really listening, and most importantly, they understand.

And here's another psychological trick: if you want your interlocutor to agree with you, don't forget to nod when asking a question. A nod is taken as a sign that everything you say is pure truth. In addition, following the laws social behavior, people tend to nod in response.

Finally, before shaking hands, make sure your hands are well warmed. Warm hands are associated in people with friendliness and affability, while touching cold hand can cause resentment and resentment. Here is such an interesting psychological trick.

Each of us would like to be able to influence other people, because this ability is truly priceless. Knowing how to influence a person psychologically, you can achieve a lot in life. You can easily decide domestic issues arising in Everyday life, step up career ladder, become an informal leader among friends and the most valuable employee at work, households with a dear soul will carry out all your assignments, in general, new prospects will loom before you on the horizon. You can force a person to do what you need in two ways - by explicit coercion or by manipulating his consciousness for your own purposes.

How to influence people by methods of direct coercion

The methods of explicit coercion include, first of all, threats, blackmail or banal bribery. We often unconsciously resort to such methods in communicating with our loved ones or subordinates. Remember how often you told your child: “If you don’t learn your lessons, you won’t play at the computer,” and this is real blackmail. Yes, and bribery is not always a monetary bribe to an official, a chocolate bar for a five in a diary is also a kind of bribe. Such methods are overly straightforward and do not always bring the expected result, although we must give them their due, sometimes they turn out to be very effective, especially when communicating with people who depend on you in one way or another.

How to influence the human psyche. Basic tricks

It is much more difficult to influence people who do not depend on you either financially or emotionally. And here, in order to achieve what you want, all sorts of manipulations are used, which allow you to imperceptibly for the “victim” herself, to influence her adoption of the decision you need or help push her to perform the action you need. Moreover, this should be done in such a way that the “victim” of your psychological experiments is sure that she herself came to this idea and herself chose exactly how she should act.

First way

Psychologists say that a person who once already fulfilled your small request will continue to be more compliant, and it is likely that he will agree to do something more substantial for you in the future. This is explained by the fact that a person involuntarily begins to feel needed by another person and, on a subconscious level, considers himself morally obliged to be such in the future. For this technique to work, your first request must be easy on him, and at the same time, you must make it clear that it is vital for you to fulfill it. After it is fulfilled, you must sincerely and warmly thank the person, not forgetting to emphasize several times how much you now owe him - this will help to consolidate success, because it has long been noticed that we are all more willing to fulfill the requests of those who owe us than those to whom they owe something.

Second way

This method is the exact opposite of the first. Try first to ask for something much more than what you really expect. When you receive a natural and expected rejection, lower the bar and ask for what you really need. Most likely, you will get what you want, because it’s already somehow inconvenient to refuse a second time - you can pass for a stingy and callous person, and the second request already seems like a mere trifle compared to the first.

Third way

Most often, this method is used by teenagers, communicating with each other, but with skillful use, it can be effective on quite adult, independent people. If you want to get decisive action from a person, you can try to take him, which is called "weakly". Provocative statements like: “You certainly are not capable of doing this!” can inspire some people to do things that are unusual for them.

Fourth way

You can pretend to be a helpless "sheep" - defenseless, weak and inexperienced. People by nature are compassionate creatures, they will pity the "poor fellow" and do his work for him. Another category of people believes that it is easier to do it yourself quickly and efficiently. the right job than fiddling with incompetence, explaining everything to him several times, and then redoing it all the same. Thus, a cunning manipulator achieves his goal in any way - either out of pity or irritation, people still work for him. In addition, a person who pities you involuntarily becomes more accommodating, so it is easier to persuade him to fulfill any of your requests.

Fifth way

Flattery affects a person almost irresistibly, few people are able to resist it. A well-timed compliment, praising existing virtues and attributing non-existent ones, approving all words and deeds has a relaxing effect on a person and causes goodwill towards you. Therefore, he has a desire to do something pleasant for you, make concessions and fulfill your request. You also need to know how to flatter. If you are going to flatter, do it subtly and imperceptibly. Unrestrained stormy praise and indefatigable admiration is gross flattery, which is unlikely to help you achieve what you want, since a smart person will soon feel a catch in it.

Hidden psychological impact on a communication partner in order to achieve beneficial behavior from him, is called manipulation. In communication with their own kind, without realizing it, people often use manipulative methods, especially when they want to achieve something from another person. Since the concept of "manipulation" is understood differently by everyone, let's consider what manipulation is.

As mentioned above, manipulation is a hidden psychological impact. In conclusion, I will say that the topic of manipulation in communication, of course, is not exhausted by this publication and will be continued. To illustrate the concept of manipulation, we will give an example. AT this case this is an example of manipulating the human need to look beautiful in the eyes of the object of sighing. You are sitting in summer cafe with the girl you are courting and having small talk with her about life and love. And then a pretty teenage girl (or no less pretty grandmother) comes up to you with a bunch of flowers and offers you to buy them. What do you think - is this the usual slightly intrusive offer to buy or manipulation? Answer: manipulation. Why? Because there is a hidden calculation that it will be embarrassing for you to refuse to buy flowers for this girl (and for whom else!?) in front of the girl herself. After all, she will think that you feel sorry for her flowers, and you will feel like a miser and a fool for an hour. Therefore, it is often easier for a man to pay off his awkwardness and not spoil the evening. This is the calculation.

Thus, the difference between manipulation and other methods of influence lies in the fact that during manipulation, in addition to an explicit and open motive (trade offer), there is a hidden motive, calculation, subtext (he will be embarrassed to look stingy).

An example of manipulation in trading. In a store, a customer chooses a product, hesitantly considering either cheaper or more expensive items.
Salesman:- This model is better, but it is probably too expensive for you.
Buyer:- Here I'll take it.

On the outside, the seller stated some truthful facts: high quality things and low financial opportunities of the buyer. The hidden meaning of this manipulation is the calculation of the desire of the buyer at least in front of the seller (and therefore, to some extent in front of himself) to look respectable. The buyer took expensive thing, stroking his pride and wiping (as it seems to him) the nose of the seller.

There are not only single one-time manipulative actions, but also whole long manipulative games. I will give an example of a manipulative game from the practice of policemen and investigators. Now you will have to imagine yourself being detained at the police station. Here one of effective ways to obtain evidence from the detainee (or money for freedom), is a game of "good and evil cop." First, the “evil” investigator talks to the detainee - speaking in a raised tone, he threatens and draws gloomy pictures of your future stay within the walls of law enforcement agencies. After you are pretty frightened, a “good” investigator intervenes in the case, who reproaches the “evil” for the intemperance, sympathizes with the detainee, and offers to solve the case in a good, kind way. Aggressive and friendly communication styles alternate several times until the detainee matures. What is the manipulative meaning of such a game? In the fact that you are led to the idea that it is better to accept the lesser of the evils, i.e. "good" policeman and make an alliance with him.

Such a manipulative game creates the feeling that you can get rid of little blood, agreeing with the good and polite policeman, until the evil and cruel one became active again. As a result, the detainee gives evidence or pays off. What is required of him. By the way, one policeman can combine both of these roles - the meaning of the game remains the same.

The benefits of manipulation can be not only material, but also psychological: increased attention important people, the acquisition of higher authority and respect, etc.

For example, sparkling jokes about other people usually have just such a hidden meaning, hiding behind an external desire to simply amuse and entertain comrades. A person who makes jokes about others, as a rule, sees no other opportunity to gain credibility in the company and uses such a method that has been knurled for himself. The fact that in doing so he offends others, reduces their authority, he either does not realize or neglects this insignificant fact. Thus, jokes about other people are also manipulative.

It begs the question. How to evaluate the phenomenon of manipulation: with a plus sign or with a minus sign? Is it good or bad? Use it in life or eradicate? An answer begs. If I manipulate, it's good; if I'm manipulated, it's bad. Joke. In fact, manipulation is neither good nor bad. In general, this phenomenon is neutral. At its core, manipulation is a tool that can be used for various purposes.

Depending on which hands it is in. Just as a knife can serve as a tool for surgical operations as well as the murder weapon. If you are faced with manipulation, then to evaluate specific situation I propose to rely on two criteria.

The first. What is the motive and desired result of the author of the manipulation? If this is not only a benefit to yourself, but also a desire for good for you, then this deserves, if not a positive assessment, then at least indulgence. For example, parents often manipulate their children by hook or by crook forcing them to go to bed on time, do exercises, go to school, etc. They do this not only for themselves, but also for the benefit of their child in the future, which is not yet able to appreciate this concern.

Second. It happens that the hidden motive of manipulation is not particularly hidden. And then the application object of this manipulation has a true choice, not an imposed one. The American writer and psychotherapist E. Berne gives the following example of a game of flirting: Cowboy: Would you like to see the stable? Girl: Ah, I love stables since childhood! Although we are talking it seems that about the stables (and we would talk about the theater), both understand the inner meaning of the game. And the girl, choosing an excursion to the stable, guesses the content of this excursion. And since she has this understanding, and no one forced her to respond to flirting, it means that she consciously entered into this game, and, therefore, there is nothing bad here.

If you look closely, you and I live in a world of manipulations, and you should not be afraid of them, but you should be able to understand them well and turn knowledge about them to the benefit of yourself and other people. All this is also one of the halves of the game called "life" and this game can also be entertaining.

How can you neutralize the effect of manipulation, if your plans do not include "behaving" on it?

First. Understand, see, realize the hidden motive of communication in your partner. This is possible if you are attentive, have psychological experience and trust your intuition. By micro-movements of the eyes, minimal facial expressions, intonations of voice, gestures and subtle movements of the body, a psychologically competent person can guess the presence of falsity in the actions and speech of a person. Simply put, whether he is lying or not. If you guess that maybe not everything is clean, then the next step is to understand what he really wants. To do this, put yourself in his place - what would you do, how would you behave, what ideas would you try to implement? The fact is that we are all very similar (no matter how much you want to believe in own uniqueness) and what you come up with, most likely, he also came up with. "Scroll" possible options and insight can visit you. I won’t say that getting into the mind of another person is so easy, but life in general is not an easy thing.

Second. If manipulation presupposes the presence of an ulterior motive and this is its main weapon, then the neutralization of the weapon will be lighting, clarifying the ulterior motive in your communication. Figuratively speaking, "highlighting with a lantern" deprives the manipulation of its hidden meaning. What makes her a manipulation. For example, if a person in public directs his humor at you, ridicules you or your values, and you guessed in whose eyes he wants to rise, you can calmly say to him: "I understand that you really want to seem witty in the eyes of Marina - we already appreciated your humor, it's great, thank you."

When the meaning is revealed - there is nothing to cover, the game loses its continuation and meaning. However, if you have guessed the content of the manipulative game that is being played with you, it is not necessary to immediately stop it. Indeed, in this case, you have trump cards in your hands: the opponent does not yet know that you have already guessed about hidden meaning. You can use this trump card as hockey players use the numerical advantage.

Consider a real situation from real life. Surely you have ever been approached on the street by people with a "gift" from the company. Very cheerful, starting with the words "Hello!", they solemnly announce that in honor of the 500th anniversary of their generous company, you will receive free lovely set in this bag, along with the bag itself. And they give it to you! A few more seconds of optimism and charm, and now you are already beginning to believe in this miracle. But it turns out that in order for you to finally take ownership of all the rich contents of this bag, you need a mere trifle. Pay for just one thing from this wealth. There are some miserable (compared to the contents) several hundred rubles. For those who have not guessed - then, of course, it turns out that the cost of the goods is much lower than this "pathetic" amount. But it will be later!

So here's one of mine scientist life comrade did the following trick. At the words “You are getting this as a gift,” he accepted the bag, but did not stand, as it should be according to the script, breathing excitedly, but with the words “Thank you!” briskly headed into the crowd on the way to the subway. After a couple of seconds that it took the swindler to come to his senses, it was already too late to catch up with the happy owner of the gift from the company. The most interesting thing is that there is nothing to condemn him for - a gift, rich firms have their own quirks and it is inconvenient and even impolite to refuse a gift ... Keyword here - "hidden". In manipulation, the external meaning of words, appeals or actions in relation to another person does not coincide with the internal meaning. The external meaning of words, as a rule, is innocent, not containing any infringement of the needs of another person, but the internal meaning carries the content that leads this person to what the author of the manipulation wants from him. It turns out that the person being manipulated does what his communication partner needs, as if choosing it himself. In fact, he was gently led to this choice, and this choice of his is not free and unconscious.

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